My grandma

Last Sunday, after the lunch, I spent some time talking to my dearest grandma. She's a very loving and soft-hearted person. She kept asking me to find a job in Penang and come back home. She's very worried that I'm alone in so far land, but she also says luckily my aunt is here in PJ and she can takes care of me and I can go and find her if I have anything.

Before I go back, I says goodbye to her and when she sent me out til the gate, she starts crying... I have not seen her cry before. Although I know she's soft-hearted but she's not someone who cries easily. That day, she really cries so badly until her whole face is red. She keeps wiping off her tears but it's still rolling down... I will never forget that scene. Saw her crying, makes my heart feel so pain and ... (I don't know what is the right word to describe how I feel, it's like my heart is twisted and squeezed... ) My tears start rolling down and it goes the same to my mum and my sis too...

I know my grandma worries about me and she actually feels so sad for me when she thinks of I being alone here. I know she feels a lot for me. She feels sad and pain to know I'm alone here. (Haiz... I can't control my tears again... )

My tears keep rolling down when I'm in the bus. I just can't stop crying when the scene of her crying flashing out in my mind. It makes me think a lot when I'm in the bus. I have made my grandma so worried about me and feel so sad because of me, I must not make all her worres and sadness into nothing... It makes my purpose of coming to PJ and making her feel so sad even clearer now. It just reminds me in a very hard way that I must not lose my vision, I must not be carried away by emotion... I'm here for a purpose... I'm not here to enjoy my life or to mess up my life... I've a purpose to serve!!!

I have given up so many things back there to come to a new place all by myself. I'm not here for nothing. I don't give up all those for nothing!

Think about my family... All of them love me so much, miss me so much and really worry about me. I can be so comfortable at home, having my parents with me all the time knowing that they'll protect me and be at my side all times. I can talk to my siblings about anything anytime. I can have dinner together with them everyday. I can go shopping with my mum and my sister. I can be there to share my siblings problems anytime when they need me. I can share with my family all my problems knowing that they'll help me to solve it or gives opinion. All the comforts, love and protection...

Think about Toastmasters... I'm already in such a position that all members would love to be in. The senior members really mentors me and gives me all the opportunities that many are longing for. The junior members really look up to me, respect me and wants to learn from me. People hears about me. All the love and respect...

Think about my good friends... ClaPEJ, and the gang... They loves me so much and really sayang me. They always ask me to go back to Penang, some even wants to help me to get a job there so that I can go back. :-) I really enjoys hanging out with them, spending time with them. They are the ones whom I spend the most time chit chatting with... Although most of the time we talked nonsense but it's still fun nonsense... haha... I really miss all those good times. All the love and laughters...

Think about my college good friends... They cares so much about me. They will always be there to listen to me and always concern about me. Still remember Yueh Ching even made me a pillow after knowing that I'm depressed over my pillow kena throw away by my aunt. We always organize "get together" and do fun and silly things together. Still remember they even threw me my most romantic birthday party ever for me for my 22nd birthday. All the love and concern...

Think about all these... especially the scene of my grandma crying... I reminded myself again that I have to always bear in my mind my purpose of letting go all those and come to PJ for... I have made so many people worry and miss me so much... I'm not here to mess around with my life... I'm not here to enjoy my life at the expense of all the worries of the people who cares about me. I'm here for a purpose!!! (Ya.. I know I have said this over and over again... but I still want to repeat this... because I don't want myself to be carried away by my emotion or anything...)

Don't lose your vision here
Carried away by the emotion
Try to look back and say, "What is my life, without you O Lord"
Always remember what God has for us
Always remember what God promises us in our life