HOME

It just feel so funny when people ask me where are you going and I answered I'm going home.
Going home? Which "home"? Where is my "home"?
Maybe they might not realize, but it's always a struggle for me when I say home.
It always make me feel like I need to correct myself. I'm not going home, I'm going back to my Paramount house.

Now my Paramount house is called "Motel the Paramount".
Ever since Kenny & Fany moved out, it has not been the same anymore.
Now there are 6 of us staying in the house.
A lot of people walking in and out of the house.
I'm just like renting a room in the house.
When I got back, I'll have to walk pass the lobby (the living room) where sometimes they'll have their friends over, people whom I don't know. They even have people (don''t know from where) introducing some facial products and turn the lobby into a facial spa room for them to demonstate how to wash their face.
I have to line up for my turn to use the bathroom as we have only 1 bathroom in the house.
Sometimes this can be quite frustrating especially when I'm in a rush.
I do feel bad for always hiding in my room. It's like I'm supposed to get out of my room to talk with them and to get to know my other housemates. But... when I'm back I just want my own privacy and some time for myself. I just don't feel like putting up my mask to "hi, how are you? how's work?" and things like that. Sometimes, it's just so fake.
But most of the time I'm outside busy with something else, so when I got back I just want to be alone and have my own space. Is it wrong? Am I being anti-social or selfish because of this?
(Ha... I realize I'm so careful of not using the word home. When I wanted to say "when I got home", I'll just pause before I type the word "home" and can't bring myself to type "when I got home", instead I'll just say "when I got back")

I guess this is a common struggle for most of the people who leave their HOME to work or study somewhere else.
The struggle of identifying where's HOME.
At least for now, I'm very clear that my HOME is where my family is.
Being homeless in PJ is tough but God is good.
He's always there and He always send angel to be with me whenever I'm struggling with this problem.
It will always be a struggle whenever I have to say I'm going... back to motel the Paramount. Just can't bring myself to call that my home.
Anyway, I can say out loud now that I'm going HOME this weekend.
And I'm soooooooooo looking forward to it. :-)