I used to have a lot of things that I wanted to write in my blog. I still remember when I just started to have my blog, I was so excited about it and I always want to share my thoughts and ideas in my blog. I have so much to tell but yet I have not enough time to write it all out. I always complain that I have no internet access, I can only use the library’s computer for an hour per day which is not enough for me to update my blog.
Lately, I have time and I have internet access easily as I’m teaching in Chung Ling’s High School Lab. But I found it hard to write an article. Most of the time, I log in to my blog, look at the blank page but can’t think of anything to write. I don’t know what to write and what to share in my blog anymore.
It makes me realize maybe I have lost my purpose. I have forgotten the reason why I start blogging. What is a blog? What is the purpose of blogging? I asked myself these questions. Trying hard to find the answers. I thought I don’t know the answers, but I realize I actually know the answers just that I don’t want to accept the fact. I can’t believe that things like this will happen to me.
What is a blog? To me, blog is a place where I can pen down all my thoughts. I am someone who can hardly have a secret of myself or hide anything from others. I love to tell others how I feel and what I’m thinking now. I love to share my thoughts and discuss with my friends or whoever who read my blog. I love to voice my opinion on something that I find it interesting. A blog is a DIARY for me. It’s a place where I can dig out my heart and write anything I want. It’s not always easy to find a suitable person to listen to me. That’s the reason why I write.
Why I can’t think of anything to write now? I realized I actually still have a lot of things that I want to write but lately when I want to write something, my mind tends to think a lot. I’ll think whether what I say will hurt anyone or not. I’ll wonder whether people whom I don’t want them to read will accidentally visit my blog and read what I wrote. I tend to think a lot before I pen down anything, which ended up not writing anything.
It’s the little voice in me that makes me stop writing. It’s not because I don’t have anything to share. I’m still the same me who loves to share. I still really hope to blog as often as I can. But this voice in my head keep making me headache. Makes my fingers stop typing when I want to type.
What can I do now? I really don’t know. I’m so confused. I wish those who I don’t wish them to visit my blog, those who I don’t want them to know what’s inside my heart, those who I don’t want them to know my secret, those who I don’t like to share ideas with, those who I don’t feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with, those who I don’t like to read their comments will not visit my blog and read what I write.
You may say I’m selfish. Why should I limit or restrict others from reading my blog… Why should I only filter or choose who to read my blog… Who am I and what right do I have to do this… But I don’t mean that, I don’t mean to be selfish. I always want to share with people. I always remember my purpose of life is to shine and share as much as I can. I don’t want to be selfish. It’s not a choice that I make or can make. I just don’t want anyone to misunderstand or interpret what I wrote wrongly. I just don’t want anyone to be hurt by my unintentional thoughts. The world is like this. I might not mean anything bad, I may have the right intention but it will still turn out to be something bad to some people. I don’t want to harm anyone and I don’t want to harm myself too. I’m just trying to protect myself from all unnecessary misunderstanding…
But I know it’s impossible. I know I can’t stop anyone from doing what they want. The only thing that is in my control is myself. So the conclusion is I still have to think a lot whenever I want to write something. I can’t write freely what I want to write. I still need to be more considerate. I need to consider others situation. I need to look from another person point of view. It’s not easy…
It makes me realize that a blog is still a blog. It’s not a diary nor a personal space where you can write freely. How I wish one day I can really write freely in my blog. How I wish one day everyone will know how to respect others freedom to speak. I just want to have a place where I can share what I normally can’t share with others. I just want to have an open heart to share all the thoughts and feelings inside me. I just want to express myself…
3 comments:
Han Chern,
It's true that we can't limit people from visiting our blog. Of course I'll not write something offensive like condeming a public person or so on...but I still think that a blog is a personal space whereby I can write all my thoughts and feelings freely. Why should I refrain myself from telling what's in my heart? If that's the case, what's the purpose of having a blog? If I can only share things that is so surface, I can might as well just share it with my friends, I don't need a blog then.
I still think that a blog should be a place where I can write freely... I just hope that those who I don't like them to visit my blog will stop visiting and read my blog...I just wish that one day I can really write freely...
Ai Lin,
Thanks...I feel so great to have someone who can understand what I'm thinking now...seems that we have the same "wave length"...
When I write something, my intention may not be bad, I just want to share my own opinion. Everyone has the rights to have their own opinion. But some people may not take it that way. It may turn out to be nasty and hurtful like what you said.
I have not been sharing so much lately because the little voice in me keep warning me before I write. I hate this feeling. I just want to tell out what's in my heart...when I can't find a suitable listener.
It seems the voice has done well in silencing you. I think you are very brave to have spoken so much on this 'person'. Keep it up! He might realise it soon!
I have my own blog as well and I do think that blogging is very well a way to release your intentions to the public. Therefore, I wouldn't consider the feelings of those people reading my blog.
Once you are in your blog, you are in your heart. You cant stop yourself from thinking the things you wanted to think. It'll come back always and bang you will more disturbances. I'd suggest that you write all you want here. I don't want live a life to see a thinker not able to think freely.
That is a disaster to mankind.
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