Again and Again

I really don't know what else can I do.
I tried so hard this time.
I really did.
I was so confident and I really thought I'll pass.
I really really thought I did well this time.
I have never write so much and make so much sense for my entire ACCA papers.
I really thought I'll pass this time.

I really can't take this.
Why? How?
It's so difficult.
I really don't know how to react.
I just hope that I still haven't checked and haven't found out my results.
I just hope that I can choose not to face it.
I just hope that people around me can just spare me from more hurts.
I just hope that people around me can be sensitive enough not to ask more when I don't feel like saying anything.

Daddy, Mummy, I'm so so sorry.
I have to disappoint you again...and again...
I tried, I really did.
I really want to pass so badly, more than anyone else can ever think of.
Can anyone understand how badly I really really do want to pass?

I really don't want to do this all over again!
I really don't want to.
It's really killing me!
I don't know how to do this all over again.
That's the best I can do, and yet I cannot pass.
What else can I do?
I really don't want to do this again.

But do I have a choice?
I know I have no choice but to do it.
I know I cannot just give up and quit, even though I really really feel like it.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN!
I REALLY DON'T WANT!


Heavenly Father,
I know I should thank you for giving me the opportunity to have education,
I know I should thank you for your blessings of wonderful friends around me who will always be there for me and support me,
I know I should thank you no matter what my results turn out to be.
But it's tough, Father!
It's really tough!
I really thought that I'll pass this time and I really want to pass.
It's tough! I cannot take this by myself, Father!
I pray that You'll grant me the strength to go through this and calm me.
I might not understand it now, but I know I will understand one day, just like how You reveal to me the reason of the last failure.
I know everything is in Your control, and I know everything has its own timing.
I have tried my best and I have no regrets.
Father, it's easy to say all those comforting words and I really do understand that, but You are the Only One who can comforts my heart and my emotional now.
Father, I might not know how to express how I feel right now, but I know that You know what's in my mind and how I feel.
Just pray that You'll continue to give me the strength and perseverance to go through this all over again. And also the courage to face every single day and every single person who ask me about it.
It's hard but I know You are good.
Thank you, Father.
Thank you for your wonderful love for me.
Pray all these in Jesus' name, Amen.