How are you?

I used to ask this question when I meet someone. People always tell me this question is the toughest question to answer and I don’t understand why.

Now being alone in Petaling Jaya, many friends will ask me this question whenever they sms me or talk to me. Now I can understand why this question is not easy to answer. I'll not say it's the toughest question but yet it's really not easy to answer.

Although I can choose to answer the most simple and most traditional way : I'm fine, thank you, it's not the most accurate answer and it doesn't show or mean anything. So it makes me wonder how should I answer this question in order to give them a meaningful answer. I guess I need more than a sentence to answer this. Maybe 5 minutes?? :-p

There are times when I start to like this new lifestyle of mine.
Wake up at 7.30am, take a bath, drink a cup of hot chocolate, wear a simple make up, by 8.30am drive out from my house and reach office at 8.50am.
Put up my smile and greet everyone that I see and also let others greet me... :-)
Start working, doing things that I find it interesting.
12.30pm, walk to the cafeteria for lunch with all my teammates. Lunch is provided in the staff cafeteria so I can eat as much as I like :-)
5.30pm "palm out" from the office and walk to get my car.
Have dinner in my aunt's house, teach my cousin sister to do her Chinese homework.
7pm reach home. Take a bath with my favourite lavender body shampoo which relaxes me. Read books that I wanted to read. Study. Go for church meeting if there's any. Go supper with my friends (which is quite rare). Wash my clothes, iron my clothes. Call home or friends in Pg to chat. Lie on the bed do nothing. 11pm, prepare to sleep.
Just enjoy being alone, doing things that I like without having to ask for permission =p or even to report to anyone =p

Besides that, I'm just working right beside 1 Utama. It's so convenient. I can just walk over to get all the things that I need. Get my hair cut, my groceries and my meals.
Not only that, my house is quite near to many interesting places. I like the Pasar Malam here. Every week twice. The Pasar Malam here is like the one that we had during Chinese New Year. It's a big round. I can just walk a round, while looking at things, grab something to eat as my dinner and some fruits. After 1 round, I'll be full and have all the things that I need. It's just so convenient.

I get to have many quiet moments whereby I can just let my mind wander around and really relax. I can even walk and pray in my mind. Just reflect on how wonderful God is to me and really feel so thankful for everything that I have now.

There are also times when I feel so down, feel that I can’t take it anymore and I want to go back home(BW).
I really do miss home a lot. Tears always flood my eyes whenever I talk or even think of my family (even now!).
Back at home, my house will always be noisy, especially when my siblings are around. We will talk, joke and laugh loudly. We just like to make NOISE. Now, it's so quiet. So quiet that I can basically hear people next door speaks. That's why I have to on my radio when I'm not reading.

Sometimes when I feel like sharing my stories with someone, there's no one here to listen to me. I'm someone who needs to tell out the things that I feel or think. I can't keep things to myself. Now, I'm always alone at home. I can no longer share it with my parents or my siblings. But I'm glad to have a wonderful friend Ee Liang who will always listen to me patiently and will always joke and that’s the time I can laugh as loud as I want. The down side of this is I have to pay expensive telephone bills. :-(

I am also quite sensitive of people looking at me as if I'm a weirdo when I shop around in 1 Utama alone. I don't see people shop alone here. They are always with friends and family or with their love ones. How I wish I have someone to share opinion with when I want to buy something.

When I face with something terrible, when I feel so down and upset, I really do wish to have someone beside me, someone to comfort me and just to give me a hug, a shoulder to lean upon, someone who can caringly wipe away my tears. :-(

In conclusion, there are ups and downs being alone here. It's a very conflicting thing. However, I think the good times are far more than the bad times because I know there's someone who will always protects me, guides me along my way, loves me unconditionally and be there for me all the time. This makes me feel better and I can still put up a beautiful smile on my face everyday! :-)