Watchnight Service

As usual, every new year eve I'll be celebrating in my church with all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I always feel so good to know that I'm spending my last moment of 2006 giving thanks and feeling grateful for all the love that He has shown me and all the prayers He has answered; Spending my first moment of 2007 putting my priority right and commit this 2007 unto His hands and have faith in Him that He will carry me through.

We started with dinner together, this year we had buffet. While eating, we chat and have fellowship with one another. This year I made it a point to talk to Yah Wen, although we only talked a few lines but it's a good start.

Then 9pm to 10.30pm was Games session. The Young People in charged of the games. We played 3 games this year. First, the Octopus mind-strategy game. Second, Quiz. Third, Couple testing. Overall, it was fun. Everyone has enough laughers. Some even commented that this year's games was better compared to last year. That shows we are improving....hehe..

10.30pm to 10.50pm was coffee break as later the session will drag til midnight. Some people especially senior citizen might need coffee to stay up late.

10.50pm was the formal session. Andrew Low chaired the meeting very well. I was so impressed by him. He led the singspiration well and said lots of meaningful things that makes people reflect on their lives and so on...I think he's really good in that.

Then we the Young People performed an item. I'll like to share more on this part. This year we chose to do something with a deeper meaning instead of just perform a funny sketch to make everyone laugh. We decided to do something more meaningful so that it can arouse the emotion of the audience and make the reflect and think about themselves.

The theme of our performance is "Do they see Jesus in me?", it was taken from a song by Rebecca Tong En.

I was the first actor. I acted a short sketch then follow by a solo. I didn't perform as good as practise, I was quite upset with myself but I know the most important thing is I do it for God and the message was brought out clearly. Then Sherlynn was the second actor and soloist. Then everyone went on stage, I narrated the message with Andrew Low played guitar as background music. I think I did well in this...(Speaking is my talent and I'm more confident in it compared to singing solo....by the way, this was my first time singing solo in front of so many people...I was so nervous...) then we sang the song together and emphasize on the chorus so that the message can sink into the audience's mind.

I'll like to share the lyrics here...our performance was based on the songs.

Is the face that I see in the mirror
The one I want others to see
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life
All that you've given to me
I have desires to be like you
In all that I do all I am

Chorus :
Do they see Jesus in me
Do they recognize your face
Do I communicate your love and your grace
Do I reflect who you are, in the way I choose to be
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me

It's amazing that you'd ever use me
Use me the way you will
Help me to hold out a heart of compassion and grace
A heart that your spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy
The same way you've show it to me

Chorus :
Do they see Jesus in me
Do they recognize your face
Do I communicate your love and grace
Do I reflect who you are, in the way I choose to be
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me

Bridge:
Well I wanna show all the world that you are
The reason I live and breathe
So you'll be the one that they see
When they see me

I'll like to share my narration of the message so that whoever reads this will also get to know the meaning and the message behind so that you can also think and reflect upon your life.

We always desire to be like Him.
We always want to show good testimony to others.
Do we show that in the way that we walk in our lives?
Do we reflect who He is in the way we choose to be?

We may be repeating the same routine day in day out
Thinking that...
As long as we don't make a big mistake or commit a sin
We'll be fine.
But is that what He wants us to do?

God gave us life and he has plan for us way before we were born.
He want us to live a life according to His will and in everything we do, we are to glorify His name.
In everything we do, we are to reflect who He is so that others can see Jesus through us...
so that others can see Jesus through us.

That's our performance this year. I heard from some uncle aunty that our performance was very touching and the meaning was good. That shows we have successfully brought out the message and glorify His name. Thank God for all the talents that He has given to each one of us so that we are able to put up a good show. I really appreciate all the corporation from all the young people, mo matter whether they were just helping to move the tables and chairs or on off the lights, they were still playing a big part of the performance. Without them, the whole performance will not be a smooth and successful one.

Then, Uncle Boon Leong shared a message to us. Follow by prayers from elder Dr. Ang and Uncle Boon Leong. Right after the prayers, the clock struck 12. We wished everyone Blessed New Year, went aorund to shake hands and it was a very successful and fun filled night.

This went into my most memorable event list of 2006 too... :-)

A Farmosa Trip

I went to A Farmosa with my family on the 15th-16th Dec. That was a very memorable trip. It has been a very long time all 6 of us went for a trip together. We used to travel a lot when I was a kid. Almost every year end, my dad will bring us to KL, Genting or somewhere else for holiday. Ever since I study in college, my holiday is different from theirs, so most of the time I didn't get to go holiday with them. So this time right after my exam, we decided to go for a vacation together before I started work. My brother Alvin also took a week leave from his work so that he can also join us.

We reached KL on the 14th.

On the 15th morning, My family and my aunty Cheryl's family drove 3 cars to Alor Gajah A Farmosa. We went to the lobby and waited for my parents to check in. We had booked a 3 rooms apartment. Not sure due to what reasons, they upgraded us to a 3 rooms bungalow with a private swimming pool at the back yard. When we reached the bungalow, we were so excited as it is really a very nice bungalow. The design is nice and it's very comfortable. The private swimming pool was big too but too bad we don't have time to swim in the pool.

We then drove to Malacca town to have lunch. Dad bought some durians on his way back to the bungalow. We ate durians in the bungalow...=p

After lunch, we have planned to go to the water park but since my cousin brother Thad (who's afraid of water) and myself can't go into the water, we then decide to play paintball so that everyone get to play. Instead of 2 of us stay in the bungalow do nothing. I really appreciate Marc, my 2 brothers and sister for sacrificing their waterpark trip to play paintball with us. I hope they did enjoy themselves in the paintball game too.

My 4 siblings plus my 2 cousin brother make up 2 teams of 3 members each. I joined my 2 cousin brothers. We played quite a number of rounds and got shot. As painful as the first time I played but it's FUN... hehe... The adults can't understand why we want to play such torturing game. haha...

At night, we were supposed to go to the Cowboy town but my dad, uncle Edmund and 2 cousin brothers don't like to watch these kind of shows so they went to the town to have Satay Celup. Whereby the rest of us went into the Cowboy town. The entrance fees was very expensive. RM30 per person for only 2 shows to watch.

First, the Red Indian Show. A few locals...who don't even look like a red indian came out with some fire sticks. Drank some alcohol (I guess) and blow it out to make the fire burn. Nothing so special...it's just an old trick...

Then, the Carnival Show. This show was simply amazing and I really enjoyed myself. I instantly felt that it worth my RM30. They let the animals walked out and they were so cute and adorable. The most amazing part was the last part where they have fireworks, very nice and big one right before my eyes. Although this was not my first time to see fireworks, it's still so beautiful.

After that, we went into the 4D theatre by paying another RM15 for a 15minutes movie. It was fun although it's really expensive. It was a nice experience. Not only the chair will move, but the whole image will pop up right in front of you and when there's water in the scene, there will be water splashing on you...and so on...very interesting!!

We went back to the bungalow, my dad brought back supper. Famous Malacca Fried Oyster but it seems more like Fried eggs with starch... and Char Koay Kak which is so difficult to put in the mouth. The taste there was really different.

The next day, 6 of us woke up early to go for the supplementary breakfast. We were so looking forward to the breakfast. We had to walk very far to the restaurant. Once we reached the restaurant, our appetite all gone. The whole place smelled stink. The food portion was so small. It's not buffet style, just set. The food was awful. All of us regretted for waking up so early...haha...piggy!!

Then we went to the Animal World, paid RM35 per person again.

First was the Elephant show. It was simply amazing to see how well the elephant can perform. They can do so many things, from football, basketball, drawing, dancing, massaging and so on... They were very funny too. I wonder how the trainers trained them. Even elephant can be so obedient...

Then we sat the sort of truck to go into the animal park. The animal were not locked up. They were in an open space. The driver will stop the truck right beside the animal (bear, lion, tiger, crocodile, bull, ox, deer, giraffe and many more..) to let us see the animal...and also let the animal see us. =p

We rushed to the next show-the multi animal show. We missed some of the performance but still manage to see most of it. The animals play some trick and perform some unexpected stunt.

Follow by the bird show. It was an eye opener to see how graceful and beautiful birds are. They flew right above our head. So near....My favourite was when they let the white pure pigeons flew out in a big group. It was so beautiful and so peaceful...no wonder pigeons represent peace.

We went back to the bungalow to pack our things to check out. Then we thought of having something light for lunch then later after the wild wild west show only go to Malacca for lunch. We ordered Milo. It was just a small cup and tasteless Milo and yet it costs us RM4 per cup...so scary!!!

The last show Wild Wild West show...to me so so....but my dad and my brothers love it. It was like an act with a few characters, good and bad. They were fighting among themselves and it's so real. I think the performers had really put in great effort and hats off for their effort and perfect performance.

After the show only we drove to Malacca town for late lunch as it was already 4.30pm.

We then went back to KL my aunty's house. Later that night around 10pm, my uncle Edmund went out to buy the famous Kajang Satay. He bought 200 of them...yummy!! This was my first time eating so many satay...really enjoyed myself!!

What I did after exam

13th ( Wed )
Afternoon
Last paper of my exam

Night
Had dinner with Juan See
Attended Butterworth Toastmasters Club meeting

14th ( Thur )
Morning
Took bus down to KL with my brother Andrew while my parents, Alvin and Ann drove car down. Stayed in Aunt Hooi Lan's house.

Afternoon
Went to 1-Utama

Night
Visited cousin sis Bing Bing and her new house

15th ( Fri )
Morning
Drove 2 cars to Malacca with Aunt Hooi Lan's whole family
Stayed in A-Famosa bungalow with a private swimming pool at the back yard

Afternoon
Played Paintball. 4 of my siblings plus 2 cousin brother Marcus and Thadd.
Had lots of fun plus 2 shot.

Night
Went into the Cowboy Town
Watched 2 show - Red Indian show and The Carnival show
The Carnival show was really great
Fireworks at the end of the show -- Nice!!!
Watched 4D movie in the Cowboy Town -- Interesting but expensive
Went back to bungalow played cards

16th ( Sat )
Morning
Went into the Animal World - expensive again !! RM35 per person
Watched elephant show, bird show, multi animal show -- amazed to see how animal can be trained and performed so well

Afternoon
After lunch went back to the Animal World to watch the last Wild Wild West show -- not bad!
Checked out
Went to Malacca town to have late lunch

Night
Travelled back to KL
Had lots of Kajang Satay as supper

17th ( Sun )
Morning
Met up with ShirLi and her bro Ray and Her fiancee Zeke for breakfast
Went to Zeke's house continue chat

Afternoon
Went to The Curve and Ikano Power Centre
Can't find parking even though the parking space is so big
Have been waiting and finding for almost 1 hour for a parking space
Cut my hair in Quick Cut -- 10 min for RM12

Night
Aunt Hooi Lan opened house for her church members
Clown came to her house
Ate a lot of nice food especially grilled lamb
Sang some carols

18th ( Mon )
Morning
Slept til quite late

Afternoon
Went to Mid Valley
Parking problem again
Bought 2 blouses
Met up with ShirLi again as she's also there

Night
Rest at aunt's house
Checked mails

19th ( Tues )
Morning
Drove back to Butterworth

Afternoon
Cleaned my room

Night
Went for a movie with my best buddy Kai Loon in Megamall
Watched "Father and Son" acted by Aaron Kwok
Whole movie was taken in Perak
Movie was just ok, not as great as what I expected

20th ( Wed )
Morning
Fetched Juan See from Jetty
Went over to Penang for breakfast in our favourite breakfast place
Ate my favourite Chee Cheong Fun and toast bread

Afternoon
Sang Karaoke with my friends Juan See, Yueh Ching, Pek Imm and her sister
Long time didn't sing already
Really enjoyed myself and still feel like singing
Accompanied Juan See to cut her hair -- RM50 -- extremely expensive as I never cut such expensive hair before

Night
Attended Batu Kawan Mandarin Toastmasters Club
Aunt Choo joined the club and was doing her first ice-breaker speech
Went to support her
Quite fun as it was my first time attending a mandarin club
Realize my mandarin was poor...Learnt a lot

21st ( Thur )
Morning
Woke up late

Afternoon
Prepare the Area Governor Visit report summary

Night
Went to grandma's house to help do Tang Yuan

22nd ( Fri )
Morning
Woke up late

Afternoon
Met up with KK Chee for a short meeting in Tesco McD to discuss about teh Area Governor Visit report
Went to Gurney and met IPG1 members
They were celebrating Kooi Ting's birthday
Sat at Starbucks, had a great chat

Night
Attended Poh Suan's wedding dinner
Sat at a corner that can't see what's going on on the stage
Just chat among ourselves

23rd ( Sat )
Morning
Helped to clean the house

Afternoon
Prepared food

Night
Open house for all our family members as usual like every year
Uncles and aunts came with presents
Great fellowship with one another
Didn't eat much as I was not feeling well

24th ( Sun )
Morning
Went to church late as I was very sick
Went for the caroling practise

Afternoon
Slept after taking the panadol

Night
Went for caroling as like every year
Went to 5 houses to sing and eat
Had fellowship with my church friends

25th ( Mon )
Morning
As usual, went to church in the morning
The caroling team (including myself) presented 4 carols
After service, went to grandma's house

Afternoon
Had lunch in our church's elder Dr. Ang's house
This year's food was not my favourite
I didn't eat much but really appreciate his kind act for inviting all the church members to his house
Went back home continue to sleep

Night
Prepare for the BTM photo gallery

26th ( Tues )
Morning
Drove down to Ipoh in 2 cars with all my church young people
Reach Ipoh Tambun Lost World Waterpark
Enjoyed ourselves there
First time played the pirate ship -- shouted like mad

Afternoon
Still in the Waterpark

Night
Practised the songs to sing on 31st Watchnight Service
Sang "Do you see Jesus in me" -- a very nice and meaningful song
Played cards
Chat til 2.30am

27th ( Wed )
Morning
Discuss about the program on 31st Watchnight service

Afternoon
Drove back to Butterworth
Continue preparing for the photo gallery

Night
Attended Butterworth Toastmasters Club (BTM) meeting with my sis Ann and Shin Yi
Went to the restaurant that my bro Alvin works in to have supper
Food not very nice except the one that my bro cooked..hehe...
Very expensive but got discount because of my bro
Supposingly RM59 but ended up we only needed to pay RM26
Fetched Juan See to my house

28th ( Thur )
Morning
Woke up late

Afternoon
Went for a nice lunch with Juan See and Riccie
Ate the famous "little chicken" in Bagan Lallang
Drove around Butterworth

Night
Grandma's 82-year old birthday
Had dinner in Penang 225 Restaurant

29th ( Fri )
Morning
Going to church to practise for the sketch and song for Watchnight
I'll be acting the sketch alone and sing solo
Not easy but if it turns out well, it will be very meaningful

Afternoon
Still practising

Night
Have dinner with Clement ( if he manage to come over earlier )
Attend Bagan Ajam Toastmasters Club meeting

30th ( Sat )
Morning
Going over to Penang to fetch my nephew John to school for Standard 1 orientation

Afternoon
Going to church for the Sunday School Christmas and New Year celebration
The caroling team will be singing and present an item

Night
Meet up with my Toastmasters friends in Autocity (hopefully...)

31st ( Sun )
Morning
Going to church

Afternoon
Prepare and practise for the watchnight service at night

Night
Watchnight Service
Will be playing some games and perform the sketch and song

1st ( Mon )
No plan yet from this day onwards
Hopefully I'll get to rest and cleaned up my room and also watch some movies that I long to watch

Exam Over !!

Exam over!!

I have finished my exam at 6pm today, which also means that I have finished my studies the whole course of ACCA today. ( But most likely I'll not clear all my papers, might need to re-sit in next year June. Anyway, for the meantime, I'll assume I have cleared all! )

After exam, I went to Gurney to have a quick dinner with my best friend Juan See. Then I rushed my way to attend Butterworth Toastmasters Club meeting. After meeting, I drove my way back home. I didn't really get to rest yet. Once I reached home, I have to pack my stuff as I'm taking 8.30am bus to KL tomorrow with my family. (Car can't fit 6 of us, so my brother Andrew and I have to take bus)

Now after packing all my things, at last I get to sit down and really do what I want to do. I want to write something.

Just now when I'm driving myself back, suddenly feel so emotional. Tears started to roll down. Emotional break-down! I just let my tears flow.... I can't take it anymore.

This has been a long semester for me. It's a tough one! And yet, with God's grace, I have gone through it and it's all over! I have managed to make it til the end!

Although this semester was my last semester where I have to take the last 3 core papers, I still worked part time as a tuition centre admin clerk and also teach in Chung Ling High School. Besides working, I am also the President of Butterworth Toastmasters Club, the Club Coach of IPG1 Toastmasters Club and also the Club Mentor of Bagan Ajam Toastmasters Club. I have also make a point to spend extra time with my family and spend more time for God. I have make myself extremely busy and had a extremely hectic life. It's tough!

To some people, I chose to live this way. Is it so? I wonder.... I would say YES! But why did I choose to live this way? I don't want to let myself be so free that my mind has chance to wander around and think of all the nonsense and unhappy things. I thought by being busy and keep my mind working all the time, I'll not get to think of all the unhappy thing. TRUE! It did help. I managed to overcome it easier... as I don't get to spend so much time thinking of all the unhappy thing and slowly after some time it actually faded...I mean a little bit....(the pain will still be there!)

Now it's over!! When I look back, should I feel silly? Feel silly for making myself work so hard and busy? Feel silly for making myself so occupied? NOT AT ALL!!! I have not regretted and yet I want to thank him for all these. By making myself occupied and busy and do a lot of things, I learnt a lot too. I always believe that the more effort you put in and the more time you commit in one thing will equal to the lesson and the things that you get to learn.

I have learnt so much in this semester.
I have learnt how to teach secondary Form 4 boys....
I have learnt how to deal with a very problematic boss who til now still not yet pay me my salary....
I have learnt how to motivate and keep encourage the IPG1 members to give their best....
I have learnt how to coach them to be a better leader....and in return they taught me a lot in how to be a great leader...
I have learnt how to help young members in Bagan Ajam to get started and strive to see what they can achieve....
I have learnt to communicate more with my parents...
I have learnt to spend more time with my family members....
I have learnt to juggle my time well so that I can still concentrate on my studies...
I have learnt to love the subjects that I don't even know what's the subjects called...
I have learnt to spend time with my friends especially when they needed care most....
I have learnt to love and to care for others....
I have learnt to think from others point of view....
I have learnt that everyone is different and we can't force or control them to do the things that we want them to do...
I have learnt to put my priorities right....
I have learnt that God is my best friend and I can really share everything with Him when no one listens to me...
I have learnt that God really answers my prayers...although sometimes it's not what I meant to be but it always turned out to be the best for me....because He knows what's best for me...
I have learnt that God has never abandon me nor leave me..He is always right beside me....
I have learnt that when I can't see the road in front of me, I can still look up and knows that God has a plan for me ahead...
I have learnt to worry less....but instead to have faith in Him that everything is in control....
I have learnt to appreciate more....as no one is obliged to treat you nice or love you.....
I have learnt to forgive and let go of grudges....
I have learnt to be a better girl friend in the next relationship...
I have learnt to be a stronger and better person!!!
The list goes on and on.....I have learnt so much!!! These are just some that I can express through words....
Most of all, I have learnt that I can actually do so many things at the same time... I have the such an ability...haha... Like what I always quote from my mentor KK Chee, "We can only know Who We Are until We See What We Can Do"...

Now it's 2.20am. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and the day after tomorrow...... because everyday is full of purpose and meaning!!!

It's time to sleep. Feel so good after writing this out. :-)

Sleepless nights...

It has been quite some time I didn't write anything. I'm trying my very best to prepare for my final exam -- the last 3 core papers for ACCA. I have been staying at home to study. Only go out from my room to find food, or else I'll be in the room struggling to study. So I rarely get to see the computer and online. Today I come to the college library to study together with my friend Juan See, the library's computer is so tempting. My hand feel so itchy, I can't stand the temptation. hehe... ;p

Exam...Exam...Exam...haiz...what can I say? Especially for ACCA course, we don't have holiday throughout the year. We have exam every June and December. So end of June course started and ended end on October. Revision class for almost 2 weeks, then study break. Normally after exam you only get to rest like for a week then another new semester started again. It has been the same for the past 3 years.

This time is the last time for me because after this exam, no matter whether I pass or not, I'll be working. If I fail, I'll do self study and just sit for the next exam, but of course I hope I can pass ;p

So everytime during the study break, my world will be totally upside down. Everything changes, my routine and even my body functions. When I'm stressful, my gastrik problem will attack me. (There's one time I have to miss my exam because I was admitted for my gastrik problem) So now I have learnt the lesson. I knew how my body will operate. I knew my gastrik will surely attack, so I have to take extra care as I don't want to prepare so hard and yet can't sit for my exam due to sickness. I have to eat a lot during this period. Not that I chose to eat a lot but I'll feel hungry very fast. Maybe not really hungry, but I can feel the gastrik asid start to attack my gastrik(I'm not sure about all the medical term...) so I have to fill my stomach with plenty of food so that it will not get worst and I don't have to suffer the massive pain.

During this crucial moment, I'll ask my mum to store up a lot of food at home so that whenever I feel like eating again, I'll just go downstairs and grab something. Almost every 2 hours, I'll go downstairs and look for my best buddy "food!!!"

When I study, I really don't know the time. Sometimes I can be so focus that suddenly I realize it's already past 12am. It's time for bed. I'm not used to "burn midnight oil". So I'll wash up and lie on my bed. These few nights I have not been sleeping well, or rather not sleeping at all. For the first few days, I will feel sleepy in the afternoon when I'm studying. Even with the light on, on my sister's bed without any pillow I can still fell asleep so easily, but at night when I lie comfortably on my bed, I can't sleep at all. Now these 2 days I don't sleep in the afternoon, I don't even feel sleepy in the afternoon. I was so focus studying and suddenly it's dinner time already.

The worst thing is even I didn't sleep in the afternoon, at night also I can't sleep..
Argghh....I hate this.!!! I want to sleep...I need to sleep....but it's just so hard!!!

I tried many ways. Keep repeating in my mind "I slept...I slept... I slept....x1000000000" but still can't work. My mind can't stop spinning. I tried hard to force myself not to think of anything, yet it's not working. I can't sleep. It has been a few nights that I didn't really sleep. The feeling is just so terrible and miserable!!!

I want to sleep!!!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........................

仿佛

I read about this article in the newspaper today. I think it's quite interesting. Although it's a simple poem (whether it's a poem or not, I'm not sure..hehe..), I consider it very "real"...

仿佛 written by 羲云

一种模糊的感情
介于爱与不爱之间
暧昧的
折磨的
仿佛是爱的
仿佛是不爱
恍然地漂流在这种不确定
就是没有那份勇气
走上前
问一句
你
爱我吗？
也许
享受的只是过程
那种仿佛爱的感觉

Happiness

Our world tells us that happiness is easy to find : Simply have enough money, buy the right items, wear the right clothes, and be sure to party it up. In the book of Ecclesistes in the bible, tells us that happiness is not ound in these things.

What doesn't bring happiness?

Pleasure ( Ecclesiastes 2:1, 10-11)
I thought to myself, "Now I want to experiment with pleasure and enjoy myself." But even this was pointless... If something appealed to me, I did it. I allowed myself to have any pleasure I wanted... I saw that it was all pointless. It was like trying to catch the wind. I gained nothing from any of my accomplishments under the sun.

Work ( Ecclesiastes 2:18-21)
I came to hate everything for which I had worked so hard under the sun, because I will have to leave it to the person who replaces me... Then I fell into despair over everything for which I had worked so hard under the sun. Here is someone who had worked hard with wisdom, knowledge, and skill. Yet, he must turn over his estate to someone else, who didn't work for it. Even this is pointless and a terrible tragedy.

Money ( Ecclesiastes 5:10)
Whoever loves money will never be satisfied with money.


What does bring happiness?

A life devoted to God ( Ecclesiastes 11:9, 12:13-14)
You young people should enjoy yourselves while you're young. You should let your hearts make you happy when you're young. Follow wherever your heart leads you and whatever your eyes see. But realize that God will make you give an account for all these things when he judges everyone... After having heard it all, this is the conclusion : Fear God, and keep his commands, because this applies to everyone. God will certainly judge everything that is done. This includes every secret thing, whether it is good or bad.

Everything in God's own time

Everything has its own time, and there is a specific time for every activity under heaven :

a time to be born and
a time to die,
a time to plant and
a time to pull out what was planted,
a time to kill and
a time to heal,
a time to tear down and
a time to build up,
a time to cry and
a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and
a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and
a time to gather them,
a time to hug and
a time to stop hugging,
a time to start looking and
a time to stop looking,
a time to keep and
a time to throw away,
a time to tear apart and
a time to sew together,
a time to keep quiet and
a time to speak out,
a time to love and
a time to hate,
a time for war and
a time for peace.


Quote from the bible - Ecclesiastes Chapter 3 verse 1-8

Don't worry !!

I think I have to say something.
I'm happy to know that I have so many friends who concern about me.
After I posted the last article, many friends ask me and talk to me.
They gave me words of encouragement and tried to help me.
I really appreciate it.
Really thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone.
Thanks for being there when I'm down.

One thing I want to reassure all my friends is that I'm doing fine!!!
Just that sometimes when I'm alone and have nothing to do, my mind tends to wander around.
I know what I want to do and I know what I should do.
Don't worry!

The things that I mentioned in the last blog that I wanted him to say something to me.
The things that I wanted him to tell me is not to come back to me.
I'll not want him to come back to me and I never hope that he'll come back to me.
I have accepted the fact that everything is different now.

Maybe I wrote too brief or a bit unclear and misleading.
Why I want him to say something is because the last time when he came back he said he 's not sure what he wants to do.
So I just want him to face me.
And tell me what he wants to do.
At least I feel that he should give me a good explanation.
At least admit to me that his heart changes.
I just want him to face me and get over it.
Maybe after a real talk and he admit everything only we can be friends again.
I just want him to clear the misunderstanding between us.
That's it and that's simply what I meant.

Anyway, the article was written when I was really down and bored.
Maybe because these few weeks I have to stay at home to study as my exam is really near.
I can't go out often or do things that I want.
I have to study.
Whenever I was bored, I started think nonsense.
I'll be fine as when I'm conscious, I know very clear what I want.

My dear friends, I just want to say I really appreciate all your concerns.
Don't worry, I'll be fine!!
Although tomorrow might not be beautiful, I'm sure a beautiful tomorrow will soon come!
Just smile as there's nothing that is impossible to be overcome.


I really thank God for giving me so many sweet sweet and cute cute friends like you all... ;-)
Thanks...

The End !!!

This will be the last article written about you. There are too many words that I want to tell you. There are too many words that I have not have the chance to tell you. (Although I doubt that you will still visit my blog..) Anyway, I know I have to "blah" everything out in order for me to let go.

I regret for not hugging you tight that day
I didn't know that was the last hug
I wanted to hug you
And tell you how dearly I have missed you
But it was all too late...

Sometimes I wonder if I had asked you to stay
Will it be different today?
I know it doesn't matter anymore
Your heart is no longer mine
You have given it to her

I have never thought that this will ever happen
That's why it's hard for me to accept
But I have no other alternatives except to accept

You are the only one whom I trusted the most
I always thought
Trust is an important element in a relationship
But no one actually tell me what's the definition of trust
Can I trust anyone?
I wonder....

You said you came back to talk about our relationship
The first thing you say is "break up"
That's what you meant by talk about our relationship
I never knew it's so simple for you

Just a word "sorry" to end a 5 years relationship
Do you think it's sufficient?
To you, you have drawn a big fullstop
To me, I'm still waiting for an answer

I'm still waiting for you to say something that I want to hear
It's not that simple
As long as you didn't say that
I can never be satisfied
I'll still be waiting for the fullstop that I'm looking for

Without this fullstop
I can't have another story
I'm not like you
Maybe by just saying a simple "sorry" is a fullstop for you
That's why you can start your new chapter
Having a happy life over there
But you have been so selfish

I know everything there is new for you
There's nothing for you to think of me
But everything here is all about you
There's nothing that don't remind me about you

I acted strong
Putting up a mask everyday
Letting others know that I'm fine
I don't want them to worry about me
I kept telling myself that I'm fine
I know I'm just lying to myself

But what can I do?
Do I have a choice?
The only choice is to accept
Accept the fact that your heart changes
In less than one year after you went there

You asked me to wait for you
I agreed to
But not even a year
You came back to hurt me
Hurt me deeply

I really really hope that you can give me a fullstop
A fullstop that I'm waiting for
A fullstop for me to end this chapter of my life
Although I'm not sure how to begin another story
I'm not sure how to trust another person
But I know with the answer that I'm looking for
It will be much much easier for me

Just say something...
Something that you should say
Something that you have owed me
After that
You can continue to have a your happy life
Your happy life with your new her

The end!!!

Weird !!

Last night something weird happenned. (I'm not sure whether I should use the word weird or scary!!)

I drove home from Penang yesterday. On the way back, almost reaching my house, my right foot suddenly feel so pain and I can't control my foot. I can't step on the accelerator nor the brake(by the way, I'm driving Auto car, only use right foot). I was scared and the pain was terrible. Luckily I was not too far from home, so I force myself to drive back home. I used my left foot and also my hands.

I dare not tell my parents as I scared they will worry about me and don't let me drive. I still need to drive to Penang and Tambun this Saturday. So I walk slowly back to my room. The pain was still there.

After awhile, not that pain anymore. So I thought it's ok already.

But who knows at night when I lie on my bed, the pain came back again. I started to feel really weird as I took a panadol for my headache...I thought panadol is a pain killer for the whole body, how come my leg still feel pain? And now my right foot also can feel the same pain. The pain on my left foot came all the way up to my hip. Now my hip feel pain too. Although not that serious until I can't feel my legs, still the pain was terrible.

I didn't know what should I do. I thought of massaging my legs but what if I pressed the wrong place and make it worst. So the only thing I can do is to force myself to sleep as once I sleep I'll not feel the pain. I struggled for quite some time and at last I fell asleep...

This morning when I woke up, the pain is not that terrible anymore. But my back hurts. That makes me realize what's the problem. Although this is just my view, I still think this is quite possible logically. (If it's really correct, then I don't have to study I can be a doctor already).

All these while, my back bone has some problems. Occasionally my back will feel the pain. So the reason I got for my legs maybe is because of my back bone. Maybe my back bone has "ter-press" my nerves that make my legs pain. Maybe the position when I lie down will make my back bone press on my nerve and makes my legs feel that kind of pain. Maybe the position when I drive also makes my back bone press on the nerve of my legs and cause that massive pain. Isn't it logical???

Of course I don't wish this to be true as this sounds serious. Last night I struggled to sleep because I kept think of all these bad consequences. What if I can't walk anymore? What if I have to rely on a wheel chair for the rest of my life? What if I have to go through all the scary operations? What if this and what if that!!! Makes me scared...

I know I supposed to go and see doctor but I'm scared. I'm too scared to face the truth. So I kept telling myself that I'll be fine. It's just a one time thing.It will not happen anymore. I'll be fine. I'll be fine... I don't want to see doctor. I'll be fine!!!

Song Lyrics

I always like to read lyrics. Sometimes the lyrics are so meaningful and sometimes it actually matches with what I am facing now or feeling now.

There's this new song that attracted me because of the title of the songs - "爱哭鬼" sing by 江美琪, which means someone who likes to cry or who can cry easily. It attracted me because I know I'm someone like this...hehe...I can cry easily and I can cry anywhere anytime...

I read the lyric of this song and realize it really matches with what's in my heart...

It goes..

我爱哭 大声的哭 你在身边我敢放肆的哭
电影感人听情歌我都会哭
我爱哭 偷偷的哭 你清楚却伤我那黱离谱
几句话语我的泪却止不住
你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚
留我一个躲在角落来不及哭 只能傻住
我是爱哭鬼 我想哭掉对你的思念
看著镜子里面没志气的脸 然後越哭越後悔
我是爱哭鬼 我想哭掉对你的依恋
我也知道自己这样子不对 却还越哭越认真的 为谁
我不哭 我不敢哭 哭只会让视线变的模糊
视线模糊记忆却会更清楚
你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚
留我一个躲在角落来不及哭 只能傻住
我是爱哭鬼 我想哭掉对你的思念
看著镜子里面没志气的脸 然後越哭越後悔
我是爱哭鬼 我想哭掉对你的依恋
我也知道自己这样子不对 却还越哭越认真的 可悲

Lately I started to like Rebecca or better known as Tong En's songs. When Christopher introduced me to her song "Do they see Jesus in me", I started to have a different perception to her. I didn't know that she can sing so well. Her voice is really unique. I like her songs.

I just read of the lyric of one of her songs. I think it helps to express what I'm having in my mind now. It's called "不准哭"

I'll like to share the lyrics here...

我把自己封锁在空荡荡的房屋
感谢你让我想个清楚
因为爱你所以我不做你的包袱
我不需要谁温柔安抚
请放心 我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭 我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路 挡不住你追逐
不准哭 我们应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
如果我消失不见你在乎不在乎
别含含糊糊我很在乎
因为爱你所以我选另外一条路
离开是我的最后让步
请放心，我很快就能恢复
找到一个人陪我漫步
不准哭 我不要装可怜无辜
挡住你的路 挡不住你追逐
不准哭 我们应该微笑祝福
祝你找到对的幸福
爱情就在这里结束
我们不得不 不得不屈服

Hopefully I can really be like what the lyrics say. Get over it soon!!!

Why ??

Last night, I saw Steven's updated photos in friendster. His photos with his NEW girl friend. I was shocked and I didn't expect this will happen even though I knew he has a girl friend there.

It reminds me how badly I have to "force" him to change his status in friendster to "in a relationship" when he's with me. And now, he changed his status to "in a relationship" so fast.

It reminds me he never put my photos in his friendster before. And now, he put up so many of her photos there, even her photo without him.

He knew I'll check my friendster often. He knew I'll see his photos. Why he never thought of how I will feel after seeing these?

I wonder how come he can feel so good after all these. How come he can go into a relationship with another girl so fast without feeling shameful or bad for treating me this way? I really can't understand. If I'm him, I'll definitely feel so ashame with my act of dumping a 5 years girl friend for a new girl, just after one year in Australia.

Anyway, I think I should feel happy for him as he didn't feel guilty at all. I know how it feel to live with guilt. I should congrats him for not feeling that way.

Just one thing to tell him, don't give any promises to your new girl friend now. You'll never know how hurt it will be when you can't do it. haha....feel so silly...maybe he will not forgot all his promises this time, maybe he will really treat her nice and won't break any of his promises, why should I even think of all these...haha....how silly am I!!!

Hope that this is what God wants for you. Hurting me to go for her. Since you have hurt me so deep because of her, hope that you will really appreciate her and not break her heart anymore... I know how hurt it is to be hurt by you this way...I will not want to see another girl suffer like me... I hope this time you can be more firm with what you do....be more mature... not to change your mind so easily anymore...

Wish you happy always!!!.....(I sound so fake! Who can understand how I feel right now?? )

Lessons Learnt

1. Human's heart changes easily. The only thing that will remain unchange is the word "change" itself.

2. Love yourself more than anyone else. Only then you will know how to love others and how to love yourself when no one loves you.

3. Stop depending or relying on others. Live your own life. You are the only person who can help yourself. If you depend on others, you will only make yourself hurt even more when they are no longer there for you to depend on.

4. Do not trust anyone easily. Not to trust people too easily especially people that you don't really know. If they say they will not let anyone hurt you anymore, it may turn out that they are the ones who hurt you the most.

5. Not to jump into conclusion too early. Things can just change very fast. Nothing is certain until the final answer.

6. Never assume anything. Two person think differently. No one will tell you exactly what they are thinking in their mind. Never assume what's in their mind as you will never know the correct answer.

7. Learn to be more realistic. Don't live in a world full of own imagination. When the imagination didn't come true, you will feel miserable. Only imagine things that is realistic.

8. It doesn't matter how others think of you. The most important thing is who are you in God's eyes. The most important thing is you are comfortable and happy with who you are.

9. The problem that you are facing now is nothing special. Many people face the same problem too. They can go through it and so will you. It's not a super special problem that is so hard to overcome.

10. Many people cares about you. You may feel like someone abandon you, but don't focus on the person who don't know how to appreciate you but rather look around to notice other friends who care so much about you.

11. Appreciate what you have rather than crying over what you do not have. Why should you shed tears over things that you no longer have? It only shows how blind you are! Why should you neglect what you have? It only shows how dumb you are!

12. Think of what you want instead of what you do not want. It's all about the Law of Attraction. Think of what you want and you can attract what you want, think of what you do not want and you will only attract what you do not want.

Feeling sad !!!

These 2 days I was feeling very sad and down...

The day that I'm afraid of has come.

I once thought I had overcame it and I was fine now. I just realized that I'm just running away from the problems. I did not solve anything yet. I'm just running away.

I just tried to rely on someone else rather than facing it. I know I shouldn't rely on anyone else as this is not a right thing to do because when this "rely" go away from me, I'm suffered again. I feel miserable again.

I know this is not right, but yet I don't know what I can do or what I should do. The more that I do, I know the worst I'll be. I may even irritate the person that I'm relying on. I may even make that person feel that I'm such a terrible friend. I have tried not to rely on you, but it's so tough. I feel so miserable and lonely. But I know I shouldn't be so selfish. I can't keep relying on you just like that. I know I'm such a terrible person.

Sorry if I really make you feel this way. I don't mean anything bad... I'm just trying to rely on someone. I know I'm not in any position to rely on you. I know I shouldn't bother you with all my same old stories again and again. I know I shouldn't give you a heavy burden like this. I know you don't have to do what you are doing right now, but yet you have been such a nice friend to me.

I don't know what I'm talking about, worst still how to express what's in my mind and my "sink" heart. These 2 days, my heart fell into such a deep deep place... until I can't even feel my own heart. The whole world is spinning but I'm standing still looking blank... LOST!!!

I don't want to lie to myself anymore. I don't want to put up a mask anymore. I don't want to do what's not in my heart. I don't want to act fake. I don't want to laugh or even smile when I don't feel like it. I don't want to do what others expect me to do anymore.
I want to do what I WANT to do. But is this right? Can I?

I don't know... ??? Just feel like no matter what I do, I'm still not right. No matter what I do, I have to face the consequences. What should I do??? What can I do???

The only word "PRAY"!!!

Penang Hill Trip

Last weekend, I have attended the Toastmasters District 51 Leadership Retreat. A lot of doubts in my mind and I felt reluctant to go. I’ve no mood to pack. I worried that I’ll feel isolated and I can’t mix around with the other members as most of them are district leaders and I’m just an ordinary member. But I have no choice but to pack and go.

I drove myself to KK Chee’s house to meet up with Peng Yew. KK Chee needed our help to bring all his luggages. We reached the station around 4.30pm but due to the crowd, we only managed to buy the 6pm cable car. So we had to wait for quite awhile for the cable car. Poh Tin decided to bring us to have the yummy laksa down the road. Six of us walked almost 1km down to the roundabout to have laksa. It’s quite delicious. After the laksa, it started drizzling. We had to walk faster back to the station. I was quite bored waiting in the station for our cable car. Luckily my brother Andrew lend me his MP3 player and download my favourite Penny’s songs inside for me.

6pm, I thought I’m the youngest and I should help to carry the heavy and big luggages. We had to put the luggages in the container in front of the cable, then took it out to change train in the middle and took it out again when we reached Penang Hill. Soooooo tiring… I hurt my back. It’s painful but yet I dare not complain. The only thing in my mind was why I forget to bring the “magic sticker” (I’m not sure what is it called…it’s sort of a plaster to stick on your back) so that I can stick it on my back to help relieve the pain.

Once I reached the top of Penang Hill, it was so misty and cold. I was so excited. We walked a short distance to Bellevue Hotel. The rooms were not ready yet so we waited in the front park. I was so amazed. Although it was very misty and we can’t see anything there, but sue to the mist, the front park was so beautiful as if I was in heaven. I was so thrill to see such a lovely place. I felt loved. I felt like closing my eyes and dance on the field, but of course I can’t do that or else they will think that I’m crazy… haha..

After awhile, the rooms were ready. My roommates Bin and Mel were not there yet, so I checked in the room myself. There are 3 beds in the room. I like the outlay of the room too. Very spacious and cozy. There are 2 beds once you get in and there is another bed in a small compartment. I chose the isolated one. This shows that I really like to have privacy. I enjoyed myself bathing with the hi-tech ionized water. It is said that you don’t have to use soaps as it’s ionized water, but I’m not used to not using soaps, I find it weird, haha…. Since I’m alone in the room, I can bath as long as I like. I felt so fresh after the tiring journey and carrying luggages.

I went out to the front park, the mist had gone away. Now I can see the amazing breath-taking night scenery of the whole Georgetown and mainland. It was so beautiful with all the lighting. This was the first time I see such wonderful view. I tried to capture it with my camera but my camera has some limitation. It can’t perform to it best for night view but I still managed to capture some quite nice shots.

We had steamboat for dinner. It was not my favourite because no Tomyam. I ate anyway. At that moment, I think I reached the maximum that I can go. I’ve reach the state that people around me were busy chatting and it was so noisy but yet I can switch their “noise” to a very low volume and only heard the songs that I’m listening to. One thing I learnt from the steamboat dinner is to put an egg into my soup and it tasted delicious.

Before the first session starts, I went back to the room to eat my medicine. I’m still having flu. My voice was still sexy, hehe… I helped KK Chee to prepare the files and the ice breaker game. We were to introduce each another. I introduced Bin. I was nervous. I think the reason was I still can’t control my mindset and I was afraid because I kept thinking that they were all very senior so I can’t perform too badly. This not-supposed-to-be-in-my-mind thought makes me nervouse and perform badly. I was not satisfied with my performance. I should have get rid of that thought and I’m sure I can do much better than that. Everyone of us get a T-shirt and a directory. I was so excited to see the directory for the first time. Hehe…Shy to tell… I’m the cover girl for the directory!! ;-)

After the session, we went to the bird park where all our meetings will be held from the next day onwards to stick the quotations that we prepared. I was happy and satisfied to see that my hard work pays off. My quotations were the most beautiful…hehe….

I went to the front park with Bin and we chat. She told me about the Malay movie “Sepet”. It was an interesting movie and very touching according to her. I would like to watch this movie.

After a short chat, Bin went back to the room and I stayed in the front park alone for awhile. I sat there enjoying the night view of Penang and the sky full of bright stars. This was also the first time I saw so many stars on a clear bright sky. Many thoughts in my mind. I want to bring my family, my church young people and all my beloved friends here. I want to share this amazing moments with all my loves one. Tears filled my eyes. Not sure why..?? I felt cold as I forgot to bring out my jacket. So I went back to the room and sleep.

I woke up at 5am but I continue to lie on the bed til 5.45am. I didn’t want to miss the sunrise. I’ve never see sunrise before. I got out earlier to wait for the sun to rise. Around 6.15am, there were still many stars above and I started to see a red line. I took plenty of photos. I was so excited. Slowly, I can see the ray, so clear and bright. I snapped photos again. It was really very very beautiful. God’s creation is so beautiful, who else can create such a great art? I was so happy and contented because I managed to get some nice shots. I started to fall in love with this place. Next time I must bring a mat so that I can lie on the grass to admire the stars for the whole night while waiting for the sunrise.

Breakfast time, I like the toast with jam. Simple yet yummy. I ate my medicine again. I felt better. Then, I went to the bird park for the sessions. Now only I saw there were so many birds. I think the birds were all imported or specially chosen. There were big and beautiful parrots, blue, green, red, yellow and purple ones. There were also hornbill and peacocks. The meeting room was right in the middle of the park. We can hear the birds chirping.

We watched a short movie clip “Reach for the Stars”. It was a very meaningful movie clip. We should see things not only with our eyes but also with our heart. Look for the possibilities. Then, all the Division Governors shared their 4 months experience since they took office. Some of them were quite emotional. I get to see different characters and different personality. When you open your mouth to share, the words that came out from you reflected the way you live, the principles you hold on to and the attitude within you.

During the short break, I ate the sunsweet prunes, it’s very nice. I chat with the Hotel Residence Manager Azam. He’s a very friendly person. The room rate was not expensive. The room that I stayed in which has 3 beds only cost RM160. I can afford that, I want to bring my family here. I really want to come back again because I really love this place.

Sessions continued, I like Siva’s sharing session. I was inspired by him. I love a particular quote that he shared. I’ll write about this quote in my next post.

Division Governors were divided into groups for discussion. I was bored. I chat with Mel and Bin. I learnt a lot from Mel. I had a lot of new ideas on how to lead and encourage members. Sometimes, I just need to do a little bit more and the results will turn out to be a great different.

Lunch time, at first I saw the curry chicken, I thought that’s it for lunch. I didn’t like it as it’s all spicy food and I don’t feel like eating. Luckily they served asam prawn and fried fish. I ended up eating 2 big plates of white rice with 4 big prawns and some fish.

I went back to the room to get my camera to snap some photos of the birds. The next session started late again. All Division Governors presented their discussion just now. Bored again.

After that, it’s time for the building bridge game. It was quite fun. Again, I get to see different characters and different ways of doing things. There were so much to learn as an observant too. I learnt to know what I should do and what I shouldn’t do. It makes me realize that attitude is the most important thing of all.

4th session started 45 minutes late. It’s about the 2nd round TLI training. They discussed what they want to do for the 2nd round of club officers training. I started to feel sleepy as I woke up early this morning. A bit sore throat but I can’t stand the temptation of peanuts…hehe…

Clement came, another person to chat with…

Relax time, I borrowed a laptop from Francis to transfer my photos from the camera to my pen drive as my camera memory was low. The photos turned out to be so beautiful when look from the laptop. Very clear and beautiful. I was so happy and satisfied. Then, I went back to the room to chat with Mel, Bin, Clement and Peng Yew. Not sure why, I just felt that today I can’t really have the same channel with Clement.

Outdoor game session started very late at 7pm. The game was very fun but a little obscene. 9 members played the game. I think they really enjoyed it.

Tonight we had BBQ dinner. I thought we had to BBQ the food ourselves but only then I know the hotel staff actually BBQ it for us. We just need to get the food from the tray. It’s not much different from buffet dinner. I didn’t eat much due to my sore throat. All the food were either BBQ or fried…

I went back to take a bath. After the bath I felt more refreshimg and awake. I don’t want to feel sleepy for the next session.

Siva played a very nice and meaningful movie called “The Secret”. It’s not so much about people acting like the one we watched in cinema. It’s a few experts sharing their experience and thoughts on “the Law of Attraction”. I love this movie. I managed to jot down some notes. I think it’ll be very useful for me. It helps to remind me not to think of the bad side. Always think of what you want instead of what you do not want. Our thought will become things which means if we keep thinking of the things that we do not want, we were actually attracting the things that we do not want. So we should think of the things that we want. The other main point is we must be grateful with what we have. Suddenly, half way watching, something wrong with the disc. Didn’t get to finish the whole movie. Most of them want to call it a day. Luckily KK Chee told me that he has the disc, so I’ll borrow from him so that I can finish the whole movie and understand the whole picture. I’m really interested to learn more.

Most members were tired and sleepy as it was a whole day event. Some of them who were not sleepy still went to the hut outside the front park to chit chat and also to drink wine. I can't drink wine and I'm quite tired so I went back to the room to sleep.

I didn't plan to wake up early to see the sunrise. I'll want to have enough sleep. But since they asked us to have breakfast at 6.30am so that we can start the session earlier and end earlier. I woke up and went outside, thought that I was late. But who knows I'm the only one outside and the sun was also lazy today. So I still managed to see the sun rise for the second time. Of course, I took many photos again as no 2 sunrise is the same.

They served fried noodles for breakfast, I don't feel like eating oily food for breakfast as I know my stomach can't take it. So I asked Azam for toast bread with jam again as I like that. Azam was so sweet, he will always say yes to all our request. He's really the best manager I have ever seen and his service was really 5 stars.

We went back to the bird park to continue with our final session. First John Lau shared with us about membership. I liked what he shared. I learnt a few tips from him. Then Fong Ming conducted a session. This was a very special session and it's very meaningful. She asked all the Division Governor to stand in a circle, then sticked a piece of A4 paper on their back. The rest of us were to walk around and wrote something good about themselves to encourage them to serve better. After that session, they read about what others write for them and feel good. I think this is really good. I will definitely keep that piece of paper in my purse all the time and when I'm discouraged, I'll read and feel good again.

The whole event ended. All of us packed and took the cable car down to have lunch in Penang Sports Club.

I learnt a lot throughout this session. I think the organizer had made it a successful one. It really did charge up their battery and encourage them to serve and make them feel good. This is the whole purpose of the retreat. Almost all of us feel that this will be the most memorable event in our toastmasters journey.

I'm glad that I came. I won't regret for coming. I learnt so much more than I have ever expected. I'm grateful that I was given this opportunity by KK Chee to come to this retreat. I'm grateful for this opportunity... Thanks...

Brand New Day

Today is a brand new day for me!

After months of working, working and working, at last I resigned to fully concentrate in preparing for my exam. Today onwards, I'm no longer working. Only then I realized "work" has taken away a lot of my time for the past few months. I may regret for being so silly to drown myself with works to occupy my time, but I rather think another way that I should not regret because I did learn a lot and content with what I have been through. I'm sure every situations and circumstances that I have experienced will make me a stronger person.

Last night I was a bit worry or scared that I might not get used to this new life that I have, I kept wondering what will happen if I'm too free? I'm afraid that I'll feel lonely and started to think of all nonsense again. I'm afraid that I can't get used to these changes. I'm used to being busy. Basically for the past few months, I don't even have time for myself. My schedule was so full. Now when I open my organizer, I can see so many empty slots and this is not usual. I'm scared and worry. ( I wonder why we always tend to worry about tomorrow? ) I'm scared that I'll feel lonely. I really don't like that feeling.

I sms-ed Dave and he gave me a lot of encouraging words, which makes me realize that I'm not lonely afterall. At least he will be there for me. He assures me that I can always chat with him whenever I felt like it. I just saw that paper that he gave me last week that says "Plan for tomorrow, Live for today!"... Yeap, I may worry about tomorrow, but I should turn the worriness into planning, I should not worry about what has not happen yet but to plan for it, but yet I should live for today to the fullest! It really encourages me a lot and wake me up again. He's really an angel sent by God...haha..

Past is past...I'm now a full time student again...and I have back most of my time now so I must really appreciate my time well and use it to the fullest.

Today I woke up early, ask Juan See to go for breakfast together. There's a normal coffee shop that I always like to go for breakfast, I don't know what lane is that but it's somewhere near Komtar. For the past few months, every morning I'm either working or having classes so I never get to go there for breakfast. Since today is the first morning that I'm free, I really have to go and have breakfast there. So we went. We chat a lot in the car. It's always fun to chat with her. She's a sweet girl. I had the Chee Cheong Fun. I don't really like Chee Cheong Fun but only this particular store that I will go and eat. It's special and I think it's the best in Penang. The toast bread there is very special too. I had another toast bread. I was so satisfied and happy. haha...I'm so easy to be pleased...As long as I get to eat what I feel like eating, I'll be extremely happy and contented.

Then we came back to the library to study. I did manage to study quite a lot, can say after so long, this is the first time I really study and study a lot. I'm happy and really hope that this will be continued... At least it's a good start for the first day right?

Around noon, my dad called me and said that he's in Penang and asked me for lunch together. Of course being the "good" girl, I said yes..(because I know I can surely eat something expensive..haha) We went to Little Cottage for set lunch. That's a very nice place that I have been to twice and I really like that place. Just that I need to have someone to go with me. The first two time I went with the Toastmasters Division members as we had our meeting cum dinner there. This time I went with my dad and the place is still so lovely. The design of the shop is very cozy. The food there is delicious... I had scallop baked with cheese. The scallop was the biggest that I ever seen..(maybe I seldom see big scallop la..) and it's full with cheese...so cheesy and I really enjoyed that. I felt so loved at that moment... Hmmm.....yummy!!! And of course, the best part is my dad paid for the bill...haha..

After that he sent me back to college and I continue my studies. Now I managed to finish 3 standards which can be considered quite a lot. I taught Juan See how to write blog this morning and she's addicted to it..haha...so whole day she has been sitting in front of the computer to write blog. Now when I tell her I have finished 3 standards, she was so surprised and stop blogging already..haha..she's now studying but I'm blogging... haha..

Today is a great start for me... As a mandarin saying goes : A good start means a half success. Which means I'll succeed one day... haha... I'm really glad that it's not that bad as I thought. It's a nice day... and I started to like this new life. I should be content with what I have and make good use of what I have now. And most importantly appreciate what I have now... Thanks Dave for your encouraging words and make me start off this new day with a great attitude and happy heart. Thanks Juan See for being with me for this first day although you might not know I'm afraid last night.

Hope that everyday will be a super duper great day!!!

Last day at work

Yesterday was my last day at work in Penang Chung Ling High Schoool. I'm gonna miss it. I think I really like teaching... and I enjoyed teaching there.

I can still remember the first day when I accepted this job offer. I accept this job because I think the pay is quite high and I always like teaching. I thought teaching is not something difficult and it's my kind of job. haha...

The first lesson when I went to the school. I was a little bit afraid. It's a ALL BOYS school and I'm teaching form 4 students. When they first saw me, they acted so innocent and so angel...haha... just to attract my attention and trying to give me the false impression that actually they are not that bad afterall. When they first saw me, I know they were having some discussion among themselves talking about me. I'm not sure what they were talking about but I hope they were shocked to see a "pretty" teacher teaching them...haha..

Then the next week, they started to reveal their real self. They were not afraid of me, maybe because I didn't shout at them or act fierce with them. But lucky thing is they still respect me, yet they are close with me and dare to joke around with me. That makes me can't stop laughing sometimes. They can just out of nowhere tell burst out something that is so funny and I really don't expect them to do that.

Then weeks after weeks and months after months. After knowing them for 3 months, they change from angel to "monkey" ..haha...sorry to say this... To me, monkey is used to describe someone who is good at making others laugh and always bring laughters to others, so it's not so bad to be called monkey right? haha...

I'm really grateful and thankful that God has given me this opportunity to teach in this school when I'm having my tough time because this teaching experience really opens my eyes and feel my life with laughters and laughters...It also makes me realize that God has never abandon me and He knows what is the best for me. God's will is always so perfect. I have never thought of this will happen. It also makes me realize that God do cares about me and He's always giving me all the blessings... I'm really lucky...

Now I no longer teach them anymore. I'll like to wish them all the best in their future undertakings and exam is coming soon, hope they will study hard!! Hope that one day when I meet them some where, they will still call me and talk to me...

I will want to take all the students for playing a major role in making my 3 months teaching experience a fruitful and happy one. Thanks...

Remember the purpose!!

I always love to read some motivational books. I'll try my best to read whenever I have the time to do so, especially when I'm in the ferry or waiting for someone.

Currently I'm readong a book by John C. Maxwell and Jim Dorman with the book title "How to becoming a person of Influence". It's a very interesting book and I learnt a lot from this book. I'll like to share more about this book after I finish reading the whole book.

As for the time being, I'll like to share with you this interesting short paragraph that I truly agree with.

Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership

People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered – love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives – do good anyway.
If you’re successful, you’ll win false friends and true enemies – succeed anyway.
The good you do today will perhaps be forgotten tomorrow – do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable – be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest man with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest man with the smallest mind – think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only hot dogs – fight for the few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight – build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you help them – help them anyway.
Give the world the best that you have and you will get kicked in the teeth – give the world the best that you have anyway.
If better is possible, then good is not enough.

It's just like what I always say, we must always remember what's our purpose of doing something. Don't lose our vision. When we do something good to others, our purpose is just to do good to them, our purpose is not to get any rewards from them or hope to get something back. Sometimes we lose our vision, after some time when we treat someone nice and didn't get any return, we started to talk bad about that person or judge that person as someone who don't know how to appreciate and so on... So we should just remember our purpose is to do good and just do good. It doesn't matter if people don't appreciate it or treat us good in return. The most important thing is what lies within us... It's how we carry ourselves that matters...

Most of the times we tend to look at others mistakes or judge how other's perform, but we seldom look into ourselves and reflect how we performed. I think that we can't control how other's perform but we can control how we perform, so it's more important to look at own self and not to judge others because when you judge others, it will change your way of treating that person. It may not because of that person is really like this but it's just because we think of that person as we think it is...

In conclusion, we should always try to remember our purpose of doing something, don't lose vision and become ugly at the end... Live beautifully!!!

I am the luckiest girl !

After a few months of depression, I am glad to "announce" that I'm now FREE FROM DEPRESSION MODE... haha...

Lately, (I think is from September) I started to feel so lucky and loved by so many people. I realized that love is not just from your boyfriend or girlfriend, it can be from your parents and friends too. What you need to do is just to spend some time and think of how they have loved you. It's not difficult for you to realize that actually they really love you dearly...

I'll like to show my appreciation to some of my friends who has really contributed to this LOVE that I'm feeling now. You might not realized it but you really did help me a lot by showing your concerns and cares towards me. I really appreciate that. And I hope I can also play my part as your friend well too.

Ron - Kai Loon
My best friend since 14 years old.
Although you might not really know what's going on with me as you are studying in KL and I didn't really get to chat with you, I just want you to know that you really play a very important role in my life. Although I didn't get to share my sorrows and problems with you but I know you are always there for me and you'll surely support me no matter what.
Some of the times, I don't really have to tell you my problems, I just need to give you a call and just by listening to your voice, it actually makes me feel so comfortable and my tears will just roll down. I know you can understand how I feel even without telling you. (Now my tears rolling in my eyes again..)
Thanks for being there for me and making me cry most of the time...haha...

Rex - Chiu Siang
My best friend since 14 years old.
You too the same. Although you are just staying in Butterworth but due to some reasons we don't really get to meet up too...haha... But sometimes when I see you, I really feel so happy and I can just talk to you non-stop....Lots of things that I'll want to tell you... Someone whom I know will support me no matter what too...
Thanks for being my dear dear friend...

Shirley
A friend that I get to know since 2001 but we only see each other once in a year...haha..
Although we only meet once in a year when I go to Kuantan or KL, but whenever we meet...we have endless topics to talk on. We always tune in to each other and can understand how each other feel. You are the one who understand my feeling and really go through it with me. You know what's happening to me.
I'm glad that you are getting married soon and I really hope that you are happy always.
I'm planning to go down to KL to see you after my exam in December. Hopefully we'll get to chat for the whole day and night again...
Thanks...

Yao Tung
A good friend that I knew more than 1 and a half year back.
You are someone that I can tell all my secrets with...haha... A good listener! We like to "perli" each other sometimes. It makes our life more beautiful...haha..siao 1! Anyway, I really miss those days when I can just ask you out for a movie or dinner together and can just give you a call to "blah" out everything in my heart.
Hope that you do well in ShangHai and can get used to the "culture" there...haha..
I'll always remember you in my prayers.
Thanks for listening to me most of the times...

KK Chee
A friend who is also my mentor since 4 years ago.
You are the oldest or rather I should say eldest..haha..same la.. in this list. I'm glad to know you and you really teach me a lot. You have directly or indirectly contributed to who I am today. Someone who always assure me that I'm doing great to boost up my self-esteem and guide me in doing things, not only in Toastmasters doing speeches but also my life... I can just tell you any problems in my life and you'll surely share your thoughts with me and make me grow stronger and more mature.
The favourite line I got from you is "We can only Know Who We Are until We See What We Can Do". This is very true and I like this phrase very much. It serves as a motto for me to say Yes to challenges.
The greatest thing that I learnt from you is to share without hoping for returns. Our purpose is just to share and serve. Our purpose is not for others to pay us back, so it doesn't matter whether there's any return as that's not what we are looking for. You have shared a lot with me and because of that I know it's time for me to share too.
Thanks..

Juan See
A very sweet friend whom I get to know her because of a snatch theft case.
You are a very nice and caring friend among all the friends that I have. I think you are the first girl's friend that I'm so close with. You are also the first one to get all my latest "news". =)
Thanks for being there for me when I was getting through the toughest time. Thanks for being with me when I cried my heart out. Thanks for accompany me and makes me realize that I'm not alone.
I enjoyed the time when we are always the "good girl" in class..haha... Making fun and talk softly but laugh loudly...haha... It's really nice to be in the same class with you...(because you will always leave a place for me as most of the time I'll be late in class..haha )
And now...thanks for letting me bath in your place and hang out at your house whenever I have no where to go and feel so lonely. I see you almost everyday and I always get to update you with my latest news. I really hope that I can also share your sorrow and happiness too.
As friends, I really do care about you and it makes my heart feel so pain whenever I know you are sad. Just hope that you will always be happy...
Thanks...

Yueh Ching
A friend whom I get to know after the snatch theft case and the first one to talk with me.
Still remember how we came together and talk?
You might not be the first person to get my latest news, but somehow or rather you are someone who can understand my stories easily, I just need to tell you the summary...haha...
You are someone whom I always like to talk to, although we seldom have the chance to talk, but I do appreciate the moments that we talked.
Thanks for being there when I shed my tears too. A caring look from your eyes shows your sincerity and show that you really do care but you just don't know how to express it. I understand... You might think that you are not a very good friend as you don't really spent much time with us but I want you to know that I understand and I know you really do care. Sometimes I just need to talk to you and by looking at your face, it actually makes me feel better, you don't have to say anything....I'm serious!! haha...
Thanks a lot for the pillow that you made especially just for me..it's tailor-made. I really feel so touch and I hug it every night...haha..
Hope you can cope with your studies and don't stress yourself too much ya!
Thanks...

Pek Imm, Ying Wei, Jessie, Hooi Chuan, Siew Fen
My dear classmates...
Although you might not know much about my stories....but I'm sure you know a little bit here and there. I know you cares about me too. Thanks for all the "zo siao" time together. I really enjoy myself hanging around with you guys, especially the time when we travel around in Malacca and KL. I really miss those time. It's the first trip I had with my friends like this. There are so many sweet memories to keep.
Ying Wei, thanks for your massage. Your hands are really "powerful". You can always wake me up with your massage and relieve all my tiredness. Thanks a lot. Hope you can be happy too...and wish that you can be a lucky girl being loved by ..ehem....too..
Thanks and hope that we can still keep in touch next time. Sometimes I really do feel scared to think of we are going to separate soon as we'll be finishing our course soon. Hope that we can still keep in touch ya!

Christopher
A friend that I just get to know not long ago.
Surprised to see your name here? I just want to say that I really appreciate your time spent chatting with me in your car the other day. That night I was quite down, thanks for chatting with me and makes me feel better after that. You are like a big brother to me who always cares about me and "sayang" me. haha... I think you are really good at taking care of others... Not sure whether I'm right. Thanks for treating me Ice-Cream in Swensons...I really enjoyed that.. haha.. Thanks..

Clement
A friend that I only "really" get to know since last year.
I'm really grateful that you include me in your Super 18 team last term. That journey makes me stronger and I get to experience more things. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to realize my ability and the opportunity to do things that I never thought I could do. Although we don't really get to know each other very very well but we seems to have a lot of topics to talk on... haha...most of the time "bat gua" lo..
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to know myself better.

Ee Liang
A hi-bye friend that I knew for quite some time (don't even know when actually..haha) but just become "real" friend recently.
After getting to know you, somehow or rather, you reminds me of Yao Tung. Someone whom I can talk to. Although there was a little misunderstanding before this, glad that we talk things out and hope that I can really talk to you freely without having to consider whether the news will go out anywhere...
I'm glad that I get to know you better now. We "perli" each others and call each others "unique" name but this really makes life more fun...haha... You are a listener too. I really appreciate that whenever I'm facing any problems or upset with something, I know I can just give you a call and talk to you and you'll listen to me(because you have nothing better to do ma..haha..just kidding!).
According to "reliable" news, you are not so good in handling girls (because you mix around with uncles and aunties..haha) but I think it's not true. I do feel that you really care for me...
Thanks ya!

Dave
A friend that I just met once.
Although we just met once, but we communicate through sms. The amount of our sms are really scary. Our record is one day up to almost 40 sms and most of the sms are more than 1 page long. We have a lot of common thoughts and perspective in life. Just like what you say, sometimes I'm so shocked or rather amazed that there's another person who has such similar thought as I am. And more amazingly, last night we just found out that both of us has the same sickness. Haha...that's really scary to know someone who's so similar to ourselves. We always echo with one another's thoughts. I'm glad to know you and I really do learn a lot from you, your point of view towards life and your knowledge on certain aspect. Thanks for teaching me mind mapping, I'm sure it'll be a great use. I just realized that it can help me in memorizing all the bible verses that I always wanted to memorize but I just can't help it.
O...ya! Thanks for promoting me in your blog, I really enjoy reading your friends comment and praises for me..haha..
Hope that we can get to know each other better and find out the differences between us. haha..
Thanks for your cares and concerns towards me too...

Eunice, Lynn Say, Paik Ing, Rhoda
My church friends since standard 5.
We grew up together in the church. Someone who reminds me of what I should do and reminds me of my identity as a christian. Sometimes temptation is just so strong but once I talk to you, I know what I should do and I know He who's in me is so much stronger than the temptation outside.
I shared most of my problems with you. Although we only meet once a week, but I always get to update you with my latest news. It seems that I'm really someone who's not good in keeping thoughts, I must always tell others what's in my mind.
Just hope that I can be your listener too, as I really want to get to know you girls better. Hope that you can share your stories with me too...
Thanks.

I really appreciate you for being my friends. It proved to me again that no matter what happen there's a reason behind it. God has a plan for everything. That incident may be a tough thing for me, but now I can see the reason behind it and understand why God plan it this way. It's really a better plan, His will is greater than my will. Thank God for all these. Now I know the reason behind it is He wants me to understand and realize that there are actually so many nice and sweet friends around me, why should I restrict myself to one person. I should care more for my friends instead of just pouring all my cares and attention to one person. Friends can be very "sweet" too...hehe.. I will treasure all the moments spent with my friends....

I am the luckiest girl !!!

A meaningful story

Last few Sundays, one of my church youth told us a story. His name is Andrew Low. He's a potential speaker as he always has meaningful thought and the wonderful part is he shares it with us. It's a very meaningful story and I'll like to share it with you.

Long long time ago, in a far far forest...(normally story has to start this way, i also don't understand why...hehe..)
There were 3 tall and strong trees. They were too bored and started a discussion of what are their dreams and what they wnat to achieve in their life.

The first tree started : I want to be a treasure box. I hope someone will chop me down and make me into a nice treasure box for the rich people to keep treasures in me. I want to contain all the expensive jewlerry and diamonds. I want to keep all the treasures in me.

The second tree said : I want to be built into a big giant ship. Something like "the Titanic" but it's wooden. I hope someone will chop me down and make me into a big ship so that all the rich and famous people will sit in me and travel around the world in me.

The third tree said : I don't want to be chopped down. I want to continue to grow taller and taller until one day I can reach God. I want to stay tall so that I can be nearer to God.

After some years, a group of men came to chop down the trees. They chopped down all the 3 trees. The first and second trees were very excited as they really hope to be chopped down and to make them into the treasure box and big ship. But the third tree were rather disappointed and sad as it's dreams has broken. It can't stay tall and reach God anymore.

The men then made the first tree into a feedbox, a box whereby people use it to put some grass or food to feed the animals. It was so disappointed. It wanted to be a treasure box to contain treasures but now it had become a feed box to feed the pigs and horses.
One day, there came a parents with a young toddle. They were looking for a room. But there were no rooms left for them. All rooms were fully booked. But they really need a room for the baby to sleep and rest. So the innkeeper ask hesitantly whether they mind to sleep in the kettle. They asked for a bed for the baby but the innkeeper say the best they can offer is just a wooden feedbox. The parents had no other choice but to accept the offer. They laid the baby in the feedbox and 3 wise men came to visit them.
The feedbox suddenly felt so happy as there were so many people came to gather around it and look at the baby. Only then, it found out that the baby was Jesus. It was now contained the most precious treasure on earth, which is the Lord Saviour Jesus Christ.

The men then made the second tree into a small little sampan, where people used it to fish in the sea. It was so disappointed as it wanted to be a big ship for the rich... Now it had to go through all the rough water and contain all the fish...and some poor fishermen.
One day, there were a thunderstorm, the fishermen were so frightened and started to shout, but there was this man who was still sleeping soundly. The fishermen were surprised to see why this man can still sleep calmly in this condition. They woke him up and asked him. He then said, "Don't you know who am I?" and he then ordered the sea to calm down and the sea became calm. The fishermen were amazed by the superpower that he had. The sampan was shocked to know this person who can ordered the weather. Then it overheard their conversation and found out that he was Jesus... with the 3 fishermen...
The sampan suddenly felt so happy as the most famous person, the Lord Jesus Christ was on it.

The men made the third tree into 2 long planks. The tree was so disappointed as it thought that it was no longer near to God.
One day, the men nailed him into a cross-shaped. They nailed a man on it and the man was suffering badly but yet he did not complain. There were 2 other crosses beside it. The man on it forgave the sins of the other man hanging beside him. It were so surprised to see how come this man has the power to forgive others. He had to wore a mocking crown on his head. He was in a deep agony. The third tree felt so sad for him.
After overheard their conversation, it was so happy and overjoyed to find out that he was Jesus. The cross felt so happy as it was so near to God now, so much nearer than it wanted to be. Jesus was hanged on it.

The moral of this story is:
1. Most of the time we want things our way. We want to act according to our own will. Just like how the first and second tree. They thought their life purpose is to be popular and rich. They want it that way. But God has other purpose for us, which is so much better and greater than what we want. God knows what's the best for us. As long as we constantly seek God first, He will definitely gives us the best.

2. Sometimes things don't go our way, we started to grumble and thought that God has forgotten us. Just like the third tree, he wants to stay tall and be near to God. He thought this is a right life purpose to have as he wants to be near God. When he was chopped down, he felt terrible and thought that God doesn't care about him anymore.
It tells us that we should be patient in order to receive God's will for us. Sometimes we are so impatient and we want an immediate answer to our prayer. But God knows when is the right timing for us.

In conclusion, God knows best when is the right timing and right thing for us...
What He asks from us is to constantly pray, seek for His words and have faith in Him... and ALL these things shall be given unto you...

My Dreams

Someone asked me what's my dreams that I mentioned in my previous article of "True Love". It makes me think for awhile whether I should share it in my blog or not. But after reading the comment from TenSai, I realize that this blog is still MY place. I shouldn't worry so much. I should just share whatever I want. Afterall, I'm not committing a crime or hurt someone with intention.

I consider my dreams as "unique"...hehe... I'm not sure whether it's usual for people to have this kind of ambition or rather I should say dream. I wonder whether my friends will ever thought of me having this dream. Just hope that no one will laugh at me and thought that I'm having a very wild or weird dream. Anyhow, I will not bother if anyone laugh at me. Even my dad can't understand my dreams and don't really support me in this and even discourage me, but I'll still keep this dream in me and will never give up on these dreams until the day I die. I wish my dreams will come true...

First one :
I want to have a kindergarden for the poor children. I noticed nowadays a lot of kindergarden all around the place. The price of the kindergarden is so so expensive. The purpose of them setting up a kindergarden is no longer because of their love for kids but it's because they know parents will give their best to their children and will be more than willing to pay for their kindy fees. They can earn the parents money easily because parents will not want their children to be left out.

But how about those poor family? Don't they deserve an equal education as well? There are still a lot of kids who have never been to a kindy before they study Standard one. The reason being is they can't afford the fees. I want to have a kindergarden for the poor. All poor children needs more attention than anyone else, they need more love and care than anyone else. They need someone to boost up their confident level and self-esteem. They need someone to keep on encourage them and tell them that they can also achieve something one day. They need someone to bring out the potential in them. The need a platform to shine...

You will never know how much fun a kid can bring to your life if you have never deal with them before. I have taught in a kindy while waiting for my results last time. I really enjoyed that few months time. They are just simply amazing. They are so innocent and they reminds me of my purpose of life. Why should I keep bothering myself with all the problems? It will be so much happier without making myself miserable by putting tonnes of unnecessary worries on myself. God loves little kids, because they never worry about their future, they have faith in Him and know that everything will be in place. I know God loves me too, He wants to hold my hands and walk with me. Sometimes I worry so much and have so little faith that I dare not let Him hold my hands, I let go of His hand and tell him I can walk by myself not knowing what's coming in front of me. I'm sure there are many lessons that I can learn from these little kids.

Second one :
I want to have a building, something like "Tzu Chi" but it's Christian based. I want to design that place and let people find peace in that place. I'll have nice table, chairs and sofas with soft and meaningful christian songs as background, so that anyone can just come in and have fellowship with one another. I'll also invest in those christian books so that you can also come alone, pick a book and sit in a corner having your quiet time with God.

Third one :
After all my children has grown up enough to be independent (I mean if I have my own family in future..hehe..), I'll want to be a missionary. I want to travel to those poor country like Cambodia or so on, go to those rural areas to share God's word and my knowledge with them. I always believe that everyone should be given a chance to be educated. Everyone has the potential in them, they just need someone to help them to see it and to bring out the best in them. I want to go to places like this to help the kids over there and educate them.

That's about it. Although I'm not sure whether this is how God wants me to serve, I have to equip myself so that I'll be prepared if one day God's calling for me to do all these. Based on own experience, I also found out one thing. If your purpose is to serve God, God will gives you the skills and talents needed. For example, last time I can't sing at all. But after I'm the senior member in my church young people group and really got to sing, I prayed and God answers my prayers. Now at least I'm more confident to sing...(although it might not be the best but at least I'm given the ability to sing). Now what I can see is that, I'm given a lot of opportunities to deal with kids and teaching. I got a job offer to teach in Chung Ling High School next year after I graduate. It may be something that God wants me to learn and practise before I serve Him like what I metioned.

I'll continue to pray and ask God to equip me with all the necessary skills and learn as much as I can now. I pray that He will reveal to me whether this is His will for me but at the meantime, I'll wait patiently as I know He knows what's best for me and I have faith in Him. I pray that I'll not lose sight of my vision and God's purpose in my life.