It just feel so funny when people ask me where are you going and I answered I'm going home.
Going home? Which "home"? Where is my "home"?
Maybe they might not realize, but it's always a struggle for me when I say home.
It always make me feel like I need to correct myself. I'm not going home, I'm going back to my Paramount house.
Now my Paramount house is called "Motel the Paramount".
Ever since Kenny & Fany moved out, it has not been the same anymore.
Now there are 6 of us staying in the house.
A lot of people walking in and out of the house.
I'm just like renting a room in the house.
When I got back, I'll have to walk pass the lobby (the living room) where sometimes they'll have their friends over, people whom I don't know. They even have people (don''t know from where) introducing some facial products and turn the lobby into a facial spa room for them to demonstate how to wash their face.
I have to line up for my turn to use the bathroom as we have only 1 bathroom in the house.
Sometimes this can be quite frustrating especially when I'm in a rush.
I do feel bad for always hiding in my room. It's like I'm supposed to get out of my room to talk with them and to get to know my other housemates. But... when I'm back I just want my own privacy and some time for myself. I just don't feel like putting up my mask to "hi, how are you? how's work?" and things like that. Sometimes, it's just so fake.
But most of the time I'm outside busy with something else, so when I got back I just want to be alone and have my own space. Is it wrong? Am I being anti-social or selfish because of this?
(Ha... I realize I'm so careful of not using the word home. When I wanted to say "when I got home", I'll just pause before I type the word "home" and can't bring myself to type "when I got home", instead I'll just say "when I got back")
I guess this is a common struggle for most of the people who leave their HOME to work or study somewhere else.
The struggle of identifying where's HOME.
At least for now, I'm very clear that my HOME is where my family is.
Being homeless in PJ is tough but God is good.
He's always there and He always send angel to be with me whenever I'm struggling with this problem.
It will always be a struggle whenever I have to say I'm going... back to motel the Paramount. Just can't bring myself to call that my home.
Anyway, I can say out loud now that I'm going HOME this weekend.
And I'm soooooooooo looking forward to it. :-)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
It's real
Everything happens so fast.
Can't believe how we were one year ago and how we are now.
Just can't thank God enough for blessing me with him.
I guess I just have to trust God and have faith that everything is in His control.
Everything happens for a reason and for a purpose.
Ahhh.... have to accept the fact that I'm not dreaming!!! It's real!!!
Can't believe how we were one year ago and how we are now.
Just can't thank God enough for blessing me with him.
I guess I just have to trust God and have faith that everything is in His control.
Everything happens for a reason and for a purpose.
Ahhh.... have to accept the fact that I'm not dreaming!!! It's real!!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Moody
Moody
Very moody
Just feel like running away from everything
Just feel like running away from EVERYTHING
Don't ask me why and what happened
Coz I don't know why and nothing happened
Very moody
Just feel like running away from everything
Just feel like running away from EVERYTHING
Don't ask me why and what happened
Coz I don't know why and nothing happened
Saturday, August 23, 2008
It's true! It happens!
Recently, we just showed a Christian movie "Facing the Giant" during Youth Fellowship.
It was a great movie, but some commented that the movie was a bit "cheesy" (not too sure this is the correct word to describe what I really meant). They were saying that it's just too "unrealistic" or "weird" for the actor to have such a change. From a falling man, being seen as a failure, in his work and family, after praying and so on, his life just changed like this, someone gave him a new truck, his team that he was coaching became champions and his wife got pregnant. It's just too "unrealistic"... but sorry to say, I have to totally DISAGREE with that!
These kind of things, it may sounds so absurb or impossible, but it does happen!
At least in my life, it really did happen, happens and is happening!
When I look back, it's just like a miracle, or rather many miracles.
Weird things like that happens every single day, it just whether we are willing to open our eyes and our hearts to see it and feel it!
Too many real stories happenned in my life that I'll love to share about.
Just a few really clear cut ones.
When I got my SPM results in 2003, my results was not as good as expected. I was disappointed and my dad was disappointed with me too.
I was praying hard to get good results so that I can apply for JPA scholarship and so on.
O well, with this result, I can't apply any of it already. I was pretty upset and was in depression for quite awhile.
But... God blessed me with Star Scholarship. A free scholarship where I'll get my education for free without having to be bonded to anything AT ALL.
He's so great isn't it?
We prayed for things that we thought best for us, we didn't get it, we started to ask why and complained that God didn't answer our prayers.
But that's so not true, God not only did answer my prayers, but He answered with a better plan for me. He answered my prayers with plans better than what I prayed for.
I had to take public transport to college everyday. It took me almost 3 hours just on the public transport everyday. I had to take a bus from my house to Butterworth Jetty, took a ferry then another bus to my college. It was really tiring. I did that for almost half a year.
God blessed my family with a new car, which is the Kelisa that I'm still driving.
God really provides and cares for our needs!
Fast forward....
Year 2006, a really tough year for me.
I broke up with my ex-bf, a 5 years plus relationship! Not easy! It was really tough for me!
But God is good! Really good to me!
I prayed for a job so that it can occupy my time and I won't be thinking of it so much.
I managed to get an admin clerk work in a Learning Centre. That's really my kind of work. I was really thankful at that time and thought that God has answered my prayers.
But... my boss knows I can do more and offered me to teach in Chung Ling High School, a well-known all boys school. I took up the offer as I really like teaching.
Again... God answered my prayers with better plans than I prayed for.
It was really a great experience teaching in a secondary school and an all boys school.
With my hectic schedules, having to juggle so many hats at the same time, it really helped to heal my wound faster.
Beginning of 2007, my dad didn't allow me to go for GLO for the whole 6-week program.
I asked for 1 week, I'm really thankful that my dad allowed me. And the best part is, God answered my prayers with better plan than I prayed for. I prayed for a week, ended up I was there for 3 weeks.
I went during the 3rd week. It was great time of reflection and re-focus on my priorities and where am I heading to. I went back home on the 4th week, prayed about it and started to send in my resume.
I went back to GLO for the 5th and 6th week. I got an interview during the 5th week and got a job in Kelana Jaya. I was really thankful about it. Eugene and Aunty Siew Ling are really kind to let me stay in their house in PJ.
Everything happenned just like that. So fast!!!
I got myself a job in KL, God blessed me with a nice place to stay in, which is so near to my working place and to church.
GLO ended on Saturday morning. I went back home to pack, not even have time for farewell or spend time with my family, I have to take Sunday bus down to KL and started work on Monday.
Everything happened just so fast! No time to "feel" what was happening!
God is really great! I was just praying for a job where He wants me to be in. But He answered with more blessings that I could even imagine of. A job, a place to stay in and a car to drive around.
I started to miss home really badly. I didn't get to spend much time with my family before I left. It's like 3 weeks in GLO, then suddenly just went home pack and left house the next day.
And you know what??? This one really soooooooo unexpected and God really works in ways we cannot see. I was down with Chicken Pox. All my siblings, 4 of us, were down with Chicken Pox at the same time. So I have to go back home for a month.
All 4 us had to stay at home couldn't go out, so we basically got to spend 24 hours together for at least 3 weeks. It was relaly not easy to spend so much time together especially when we are now independent enough to have our own activities.
Basically for the 3 weeks,we were just sleep, eat and play! So nice that there are 4 of us, we can play many things together, monopoly, bridge, cho dai tee, mahjung and etc.We even had our pillow talk where we really shared so much and it was really nice. I will never forget those memories.
Seriously, I have never ever thought that God can work in such a way (4 of us get chicken pox together) to let us get to spend quality time together before we all left for our own path.
I only prayed and told God I missed home, He answered it with such a way which sounds so impossible and funny, but it happened!!!! (tears flood my eyes now even when I think of it)
God is really so good, isn't it?
April, I came back to PJ. I was feeling a bit lonely, as I was all alone in PJ besides my aunty in BU.
I asked God for friends whom I can be comfortable with.
God didn't only answer my prayer and blessed me with friends whom I'm confortable with, Instead, God blessed me with a bunch of friends (especially Joseph, Su, Weng Soon, Aliza, Yueen San, Timothy and more) who really will go all out for me and really cares sooooooooooo much for me. I have never expected them to be so nice to me, but they are really soooooooooooooooooooo nice til my shallow vocabulary has no words to describe!
There were so many occasions where they did things that really touched my hearts. They may find it funny or uncomfortable withme keep saying thank you to them, but no amount of it will be enough to express how thankful I am. I know God is really good to me through them. God knows my needs more than anyone else.
End of March this year, another tough time for me, the house that I was staying in got broken into. I was really thankful that I was not in the house and I was not alone when I got back to the house. Many important and valuable things was stolen. It hurts a lot. But the most hurtful of all, was the feeling of being homeless. I couldn't go back to that house anymore. It's not safe. That Sunday afternoon, after sending my dad to the bus station, I was driving on the road but didn't know where to go. I was tired, but I have no place to go to. Wondering around. That was the worst feeling ever. I'm really thankful for the Leong's family. They took me in while I looked for a new place to move into. I really feel home. That's a place I really feel home with family members around.
It was tough, especially with some insensitive people around saying really hurtful words. Or maybe I'm being too sensitive to feel hurt too easily.
But God is good, really good! Many friends have showed their concern and love for me. Yueen San and Aliza offered me a place to stay with them.
God blessed me with a new place which I'm now in. A little room but comfortable. The couple Kenny and Fany has been really nice to me.
July, on my birthday, it was really a surprise. I was just praying that I'll have someone sing me a birthday song. Being away from my family during birthdays was not a fun thing. My family practices celebrating everyone's birthday with a special meal, a cake and sing birthday song. I didn't ask for more, I just asked God to at least have someone sing me a birthday song.
But... God blessed me with really great surprise which I will never never expect it to happen. My friends actually bought me a new camera which I lost during the house broke in. Can you believe that? My friends actually got me a new camera!!! I was really surprised and didn't know how to react. I wish they know how thankful I were AND I am still.
Not only that, Tim and Liz gave a handphone to replace my spoilt phone.
And I not only have someone sing me a birthday song but the whole TLC choir members to sing me a birthday song.
My goodness.... I seriously don't deserve all these!
God is really good to me!
My point is... Things like these actually do happen! It sounds weird and unrealistic... but it really does happen. It's just us having to open our eyes to see the greatness of Him and to see the trails of Him working in our life!
God is at work every single day, not just to provide for our needs but also to shape us to be more like Him. I can really see His works in me, though I know that the things that I can see and understand are just such a small part of it.
These are just a small part of my stories where God has worked greatly in, there are still so many little stories and little things which I just so thankful about.
I have learnt not to ask why, because I know that I might not understand it now, but later when I look back, I'll definitely be amazed by how God works. (Probably the WHY question that I can and I should ask is "Why is God so good to me when I don't deserve it at all?")
God has been really so true and obvious in my life. I'm really thankful for God always being so true in my life. I don't deserve it at all but because of His great love, He has been so good to me.
He's just too good for me to do so little.
It was a great movie, but some commented that the movie was a bit "cheesy" (not too sure this is the correct word to describe what I really meant). They were saying that it's just too "unrealistic" or "weird" for the actor to have such a change. From a falling man, being seen as a failure, in his work and family, after praying and so on, his life just changed like this, someone gave him a new truck, his team that he was coaching became champions and his wife got pregnant. It's just too "unrealistic"... but sorry to say, I have to totally DISAGREE with that!
These kind of things, it may sounds so absurb or impossible, but it does happen!
At least in my life, it really did happen, happens and is happening!
When I look back, it's just like a miracle, or rather many miracles.
Weird things like that happens every single day, it just whether we are willing to open our eyes and our hearts to see it and feel it!
Too many real stories happenned in my life that I'll love to share about.
Just a few really clear cut ones.
When I got my SPM results in 2003, my results was not as good as expected. I was disappointed and my dad was disappointed with me too.
I was praying hard to get good results so that I can apply for JPA scholarship and so on.
O well, with this result, I can't apply any of it already. I was pretty upset and was in depression for quite awhile.
But... God blessed me with Star Scholarship. A free scholarship where I'll get my education for free without having to be bonded to anything AT ALL.
He's so great isn't it?
We prayed for things that we thought best for us, we didn't get it, we started to ask why and complained that God didn't answer our prayers.
But that's so not true, God not only did answer my prayers, but He answered with a better plan for me. He answered my prayers with plans better than what I prayed for.
I had to take public transport to college everyday. It took me almost 3 hours just on the public transport everyday. I had to take a bus from my house to Butterworth Jetty, took a ferry then another bus to my college. It was really tiring. I did that for almost half a year.
God blessed my family with a new car, which is the Kelisa that I'm still driving.
God really provides and cares for our needs!
Fast forward....
Year 2006, a really tough year for me.
I broke up with my ex-bf, a 5 years plus relationship! Not easy! It was really tough for me!
But God is good! Really good to me!
I prayed for a job so that it can occupy my time and I won't be thinking of it so much.
I managed to get an admin clerk work in a Learning Centre. That's really my kind of work. I was really thankful at that time and thought that God has answered my prayers.
But... my boss knows I can do more and offered me to teach in Chung Ling High School, a well-known all boys school. I took up the offer as I really like teaching.
Again... God answered my prayers with better plans than I prayed for.
It was really a great experience teaching in a secondary school and an all boys school.
With my hectic schedules, having to juggle so many hats at the same time, it really helped to heal my wound faster.
Beginning of 2007, my dad didn't allow me to go for GLO for the whole 6-week program.
I asked for 1 week, I'm really thankful that my dad allowed me. And the best part is, God answered my prayers with better plan than I prayed for. I prayed for a week, ended up I was there for 3 weeks.
I went during the 3rd week. It was great time of reflection and re-focus on my priorities and where am I heading to. I went back home on the 4th week, prayed about it and started to send in my resume.
I went back to GLO for the 5th and 6th week. I got an interview during the 5th week and got a job in Kelana Jaya. I was really thankful about it. Eugene and Aunty Siew Ling are really kind to let me stay in their house in PJ.
Everything happenned just like that. So fast!!!
I got myself a job in KL, God blessed me with a nice place to stay in, which is so near to my working place and to church.
GLO ended on Saturday morning. I went back home to pack, not even have time for farewell or spend time with my family, I have to take Sunday bus down to KL and started work on Monday.
Everything happened just so fast! No time to "feel" what was happening!
God is really great! I was just praying for a job where He wants me to be in. But He answered with more blessings that I could even imagine of. A job, a place to stay in and a car to drive around.
I started to miss home really badly. I didn't get to spend much time with my family before I left. It's like 3 weeks in GLO, then suddenly just went home pack and left house the next day.
And you know what??? This one really soooooooo unexpected and God really works in ways we cannot see. I was down with Chicken Pox. All my siblings, 4 of us, were down with Chicken Pox at the same time. So I have to go back home for a month.
All 4 us had to stay at home couldn't go out, so we basically got to spend 24 hours together for at least 3 weeks. It was relaly not easy to spend so much time together especially when we are now independent enough to have our own activities.
Basically for the 3 weeks,we were just sleep, eat and play! So nice that there are 4 of us, we can play many things together, monopoly, bridge, cho dai tee, mahjung and etc.We even had our pillow talk where we really shared so much and it was really nice. I will never forget those memories.
Seriously, I have never ever thought that God can work in such a way (4 of us get chicken pox together) to let us get to spend quality time together before we all left for our own path.
I only prayed and told God I missed home, He answered it with such a way which sounds so impossible and funny, but it happened!!!! (tears flood my eyes now even when I think of it)
God is really so good, isn't it?
April, I came back to PJ. I was feeling a bit lonely, as I was all alone in PJ besides my aunty in BU.
I asked God for friends whom I can be comfortable with.
God didn't only answer my prayer and blessed me with friends whom I'm confortable with, Instead, God blessed me with a bunch of friends (especially Joseph, Su, Weng Soon, Aliza, Yueen San, Timothy and more) who really will go all out for me and really cares sooooooooooo much for me. I have never expected them to be so nice to me, but they are really soooooooooooooooooooo nice til my shallow vocabulary has no words to describe!
There were so many occasions where they did things that really touched my hearts. They may find it funny or uncomfortable withme keep saying thank you to them, but no amount of it will be enough to express how thankful I am. I know God is really good to me through them. God knows my needs more than anyone else.
End of March this year, another tough time for me, the house that I was staying in got broken into. I was really thankful that I was not in the house and I was not alone when I got back to the house. Many important and valuable things was stolen. It hurts a lot. But the most hurtful of all, was the feeling of being homeless. I couldn't go back to that house anymore. It's not safe. That Sunday afternoon, after sending my dad to the bus station, I was driving on the road but didn't know where to go. I was tired, but I have no place to go to. Wondering around. That was the worst feeling ever. I'm really thankful for the Leong's family. They took me in while I looked for a new place to move into. I really feel home. That's a place I really feel home with family members around.
It was tough, especially with some insensitive people around saying really hurtful words. Or maybe I'm being too sensitive to feel hurt too easily.
But God is good, really good! Many friends have showed their concern and love for me. Yueen San and Aliza offered me a place to stay with them.
God blessed me with a new place which I'm now in. A little room but comfortable. The couple Kenny and Fany has been really nice to me.
July, on my birthday, it was really a surprise. I was just praying that I'll have someone sing me a birthday song. Being away from my family during birthdays was not a fun thing. My family practices celebrating everyone's birthday with a special meal, a cake and sing birthday song. I didn't ask for more, I just asked God to at least have someone sing me a birthday song.
But... God blessed me with really great surprise which I will never never expect it to happen. My friends actually bought me a new camera which I lost during the house broke in. Can you believe that? My friends actually got me a new camera!!! I was really surprised and didn't know how to react. I wish they know how thankful I were AND I am still.
Not only that, Tim and Liz gave a handphone to replace my spoilt phone.
And I not only have someone sing me a birthday song but the whole TLC choir members to sing me a birthday song.
My goodness.... I seriously don't deserve all these!
God is really good to me!
My point is... Things like these actually do happen! It sounds weird and unrealistic... but it really does happen. It's just us having to open our eyes to see the greatness of Him and to see the trails of Him working in our life!
God is at work every single day, not just to provide for our needs but also to shape us to be more like Him. I can really see His works in me, though I know that the things that I can see and understand are just such a small part of it.
These are just a small part of my stories where God has worked greatly in, there are still so many little stories and little things which I just so thankful about.
I have learnt not to ask why, because I know that I might not understand it now, but later when I look back, I'll definitely be amazed by how God works. (Probably the WHY question that I can and I should ask is "Why is God so good to me when I don't deserve it at all?")
God has been really so true and obvious in my life. I'm really thankful for God always being so true in my life. I don't deserve it at all but because of His great love, He has been so good to me.
He's just too good for me to do so little.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Again and Again
I really don't know what else can I do.
I tried so hard this time.
I really did.
I was so confident and I really thought I'll pass.
I really really thought I did well this time.
I have never write so much and make so much sense for my entire ACCA papers.
I really thought I'll pass this time.
I really can't take this.
Why? How?
It's so difficult.
I really don't know how to react.
I just hope that I still haven't checked and haven't found out my results.
I just hope that I can choose not to face it.
I just hope that people around me can just spare me from more hurts.
I just hope that people around me can be sensitive enough not to ask more when I don't feel like saying anything.
Daddy, Mummy, I'm so so sorry.
I have to disappoint you again...and again...
I tried, I really did.
I really want to pass so badly, more than anyone else can ever think of.
Can anyone understand how badly I really really do want to pass?
I really don't want to do this all over again!
I really don't want to.
It's really killing me!
I don't know how to do this all over again.
That's the best I can do, and yet I cannot pass.
What else can I do?
I really don't want to do this again.
But do I have a choice?
I know I have no choice but to do it.
I know I cannot just give up and quit, even though I really really feel like it.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN!
I REALLY DON'T WANT!
Heavenly Father,
I know I should thank you for giving me the opportunity to have education,
I know I should thank you for your blessings of wonderful friends around me who will always be there for me and support me,
I know I should thank you no matter what my results turn out to be.
But it's tough, Father!
It's really tough!
I really thought that I'll pass this time and I really want to pass.
It's tough! I cannot take this by myself, Father!
I pray that You'll grant me the strength to go through this and calm me.
I might not understand it now, but I know I will understand one day, just like how You reveal to me the reason of the last failure.
I know everything is in Your control, and I know everything has its own timing.
I have tried my best and I have no regrets.
Father, it's easy to say all those comforting words and I really do understand that, but You are the Only One who can comforts my heart and my emotional now.
Father, I might not know how to express how I feel right now, but I know that You know what's in my mind and how I feel.
Just pray that You'll continue to give me the strength and perseverance to go through this all over again. And also the courage to face every single day and every single person who ask me about it.
It's hard but I know You are good.
Thank you, Father.
Thank you for your wonderful love for me.
Pray all these in Jesus' name, Amen.
I tried so hard this time.
I really did.
I was so confident and I really thought I'll pass.
I really really thought I did well this time.
I have never write so much and make so much sense for my entire ACCA papers.
I really thought I'll pass this time.
I really can't take this.
Why? How?
It's so difficult.
I really don't know how to react.
I just hope that I still haven't checked and haven't found out my results.
I just hope that I can choose not to face it.
I just hope that people around me can just spare me from more hurts.
I just hope that people around me can be sensitive enough not to ask more when I don't feel like saying anything.
Daddy, Mummy, I'm so so sorry.
I have to disappoint you again...and again...
I tried, I really did.
I really want to pass so badly, more than anyone else can ever think of.
Can anyone understand how badly I really really do want to pass?
I really don't want to do this all over again!
I really don't want to.
It's really killing me!
I don't know how to do this all over again.
That's the best I can do, and yet I cannot pass.
What else can I do?
I really don't want to do this again.
But do I have a choice?
I know I have no choice but to do it.
I know I cannot just give up and quit, even though I really really feel like it.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN!
I REALLY DON'T WANT!
Heavenly Father,
I know I should thank you for giving me the opportunity to have education,
I know I should thank you for your blessings of wonderful friends around me who will always be there for me and support me,
I know I should thank you no matter what my results turn out to be.
But it's tough, Father!
It's really tough!
I really thought that I'll pass this time and I really want to pass.
It's tough! I cannot take this by myself, Father!
I pray that You'll grant me the strength to go through this and calm me.
I might not understand it now, but I know I will understand one day, just like how You reveal to me the reason of the last failure.
I know everything is in Your control, and I know everything has its own timing.
I have tried my best and I have no regrets.
Father, it's easy to say all those comforting words and I really do understand that, but You are the Only One who can comforts my heart and my emotional now.
Father, I might not know how to express how I feel right now, but I know that You know what's in my mind and how I feel.
Just pray that You'll continue to give me the strength and perseverance to go through this all over again. And also the courage to face every single day and every single person who ask me about it.
It's hard but I know You are good.
Thank you, Father.
Thank you for your wonderful love for me.
Pray all these in Jesus' name, Amen.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Assembly Fellowship Camp - Day 4
Today's morning manna was titled "I am that I am".
Some points that really makes me think and it's worth sharing:
We are as in a fog, not because God is all covered up and we cannot see Him, but rather we are all covered up and not ready to reveal to God where we are.
It is true, with God He gives us no choice and He expects us to obey to inherit His best. But at the same time, He gives us a choice to choose if we are prepared to accept His choice or to reject and face the consequences of our own making.
When God reveals Himself as the I AM. We should not respond with "Who am I?" Instead, we should be ready to rpely "Here am I".
Many times, it's us who dare not say "Here am I". With our busy schedules, sometimes, we just want to tell God "Wait!" or "Who am I?". Instead, we should be Ready to say "Here am I."
We had our Lord's Supper together. I knew it will be like my Butterworth kind of service because this year's camp was organized by Northern people. I went prepared with tissue. Ysan was finding it weird, why did I pass her the tissue when we are taking the cup. In Northern assemblies, or rather non-TLC assemblies, we are not given a cloth to wipe the cup. We have to bring our own tissue. Ok, that was not the point. It was nothing important or significant. It was just differences.
Speaker Joseph John concludes everything in his 4th session.
His 4 main points were :
Growing for glory
Growing the mind of Christ
Growing for spiritual maturity
Growing love and concern
We then moved outside to take a group photos. Many of them came with the professional camera. For once, we were like some super stars where we had to smile to lots of big and "canggih" camera.
Time for camp evaluation and sharing. Usual practise for almost all the camp that I've attended.
Was waiting for my chance to share something, but... :-( to bad, due to time constraint and the numbers of people who spoke, I didn't get my chance. Hahaha...
Everyone was saying quite similar things like how they struggle to come to the camp as people keep phrasing this camp as the "single's camp" or the "match-making camp". O well, we were not the only one who had to suffer this. They were all struggled too because of being labelled as desperate. Haih...
My conclusion is : It's such a waste and it's such a great loss for those who didn't attend because of the fear of being labelled or because of the wrong perception of others have.
It was really a great camp to get to know more people and to come together to encourage one another. Personally, I was really encouraged by the sharing and it has really charged up my battery which was running low.
Again, it was not a match-making camp but what happens after the camp, it's between God and the 2 people. :-)
I'm really glad that I went and I have no regrets. Looking forward to next year's camp.
Some points that really makes me think and it's worth sharing:
We are as in a fog, not because God is all covered up and we cannot see Him, but rather we are all covered up and not ready to reveal to God where we are.
It is true, with God He gives us no choice and He expects us to obey to inherit His best. But at the same time, He gives us a choice to choose if we are prepared to accept His choice or to reject and face the consequences of our own making.
When God reveals Himself as the I AM. We should not respond with "Who am I?" Instead, we should be ready to rpely "Here am I".
Many times, it's us who dare not say "Here am I". With our busy schedules, sometimes, we just want to tell God "Wait!" or "Who am I?". Instead, we should be Ready to say "Here am I."
We had our Lord's Supper together. I knew it will be like my Butterworth kind of service because this year's camp was organized by Northern people. I went prepared with tissue. Ysan was finding it weird, why did I pass her the tissue when we are taking the cup. In Northern assemblies, or rather non-TLC assemblies, we are not given a cloth to wipe the cup. We have to bring our own tissue. Ok, that was not the point. It was nothing important or significant. It was just differences.
Speaker Joseph John concludes everything in his 4th session.
His 4 main points were :
Growing for glory
Growing the mind of Christ
Growing for spiritual maturity
Growing love and concern
We then moved outside to take a group photos. Many of them came with the professional camera. For once, we were like some super stars where we had to smile to lots of big and "canggih" camera.
Time for camp evaluation and sharing. Usual practise for almost all the camp that I've attended.
Was waiting for my chance to share something, but... :-( to bad, due to time constraint and the numbers of people who spoke, I didn't get my chance. Hahaha...
Everyone was saying quite similar things like how they struggle to come to the camp as people keep phrasing this camp as the "single's camp" or the "match-making camp". O well, we were not the only one who had to suffer this. They were all struggled too because of being labelled as desperate. Haih...
My conclusion is : It's such a waste and it's such a great loss for those who didn't attend because of the fear of being labelled or because of the wrong perception of others have.
It was really a great camp to get to know more people and to come together to encourage one another. Personally, I was really encouraged by the sharing and it has really charged up my battery which was running low.
Again, it was not a match-making camp but what happens after the camp, it's between God and the 2 people. :-)
I'm really glad that I went and I have no regrets. Looking forward to next year's camp.
Assembly Fellowship Camp - Day 3
This morning Manna title was "Whatever will be, Will be".
To cut everything short, the main points were:
God gives us a choice to be what we want to be, Freedon to choose comes with the Consequences that we will be what we will be, God makes us accountable for our choice.
God can control the Circumstances if we want to be in the centre of His will.
Then we had our 3rd session. Before speaker Joseph John says anything, he distributed us a few notes, with the title related to singleness and so. I knew Ysan will be mad to see this kind of talk. I was trying to calm her down and ask her to just listen with an open heart.
To me, I think we cannot avoid this kind of topic. This is not a bad topic afterall. We have to learn this from some where. There's only 2 categories, either we are single or we are married. No matter what God still has to prepare us for it. Ya, some people don't get it and asked what to prepare about? Single single la, married married la... But it's not that simple ok!!! So many things that we need to know and prepare ourselves.
If it's to be single, God has to prepare us to understand that one day our parents will not be with us anymore, our siblings will be married and have their own family and our friends will be married and have their own family too. We have to be prepared to face the loneliness that we might be in, looking at walls when we are home after a long day of work. Looking at the phone but don't know who to call when we have something that we want to share with others. Are you prepared for this?
If it's to be married, God has to prepared us to be able to live and share everything with another person whom you call life partner. We can't do whatever we want or simply make any decision we like, we have to take into consideration the other person's feeling and the other person's decision. We have to learn to respect the differences and do things TOGETHER. For girls, we have to be prepared to be submissive to the other person. A big lesson to learn. Are you prepared for this?
This session turned out to be a good one, not what I thought, not what she thought too. Joseph John told us we don't have to feel less useful to God when we are single and we are no less than anyone. The first and natural state of human is to be single. Single doesn't mean un-married. You can't tell a 3-year old boy that he's un-married. It's just married people are no longer single. We shouldn't be feeling less blessed if we are single.
Few phrases from the slides:
Our identity is to be based on Christ, not marital status.
Our sense of security is to be found in our relationship to Him.
Our definitions of intimacy must begin with friendship, not with marriage.
Our definitions of achievement, especially for women, must be broader than parenthood.
One thing for sure.... nothing mentioned about match-making!!!!
Followed by Forum Q&A session. Hmm... nothing much. My questions were not answered.
After lunch, I asked Joseph John for a moment. We went outside and had a little chat. There is this secret which I have been keeping for quite a long while. Didn't tell anyone. Just thought he will be the right person for me to consult with. Ya, indeed, he's the perfect person. He has opened my eyes to see things from different angle and try to help me out from that little problem. O well, it's easy to say I understand and I know what to do next. But to really overcome it... need lots of prayers and time.
We had a relay thing in the afternoon. Simple game to occupy some time. At least it bonded the group members as we worked together for the challenges.
Captain ball time! The rule was to have 4 guys and 7 girls, but out of the only 4 guys from our group, 2 were injured. So only 2 guys running around the field, and the worst thing was there were only 9 girls in our group, which means all of us will have to play non-stop for all the games. We played 2 games (against 2 teams) for 12min per half. Altogether 48mins non-stop. It has been quite awhile I didn't play captain ball like this. Great exercise.
After the game, we were VERY tired. I went back to rest and chat with Emily. Most of them jumped into the pool and enjoyed the facility of the nice swimming pool.
At night, we had this talent time session where every group will have to perform a sketch of different bible characters. Our group was to act about David. We chose the story about David and Bethsheba and modernized it into an office scene where the Director is Mr.D and the secretary is Betty. It was really funny. Didn't know Terence and Vivien can act that well. They really impressed us.
I quite like the other group who did the Moses story. It was very creative. They did a musical performance where they change the "Long time ago in Bethlehem" song into a Moses song where they acted out very nicely. They deserved the win.
Last night, most of them were up til very late, chit chatting with their friends. I'm supposed to join them for fellowship and socializing but... but... I was not feeling well, head was very heavy. So I decided to just sleep right after the supper.
To cut everything short, the main points were:
God gives us a choice to be what we want to be, Freedon to choose comes with the Consequences that we will be what we will be, God makes us accountable for our choice.
God can control the Circumstances if we want to be in the centre of His will.
Then we had our 3rd session. Before speaker Joseph John says anything, he distributed us a few notes, with the title related to singleness and so. I knew Ysan will be mad to see this kind of talk. I was trying to calm her down and ask her to just listen with an open heart.
To me, I think we cannot avoid this kind of topic. This is not a bad topic afterall. We have to learn this from some where. There's only 2 categories, either we are single or we are married. No matter what God still has to prepare us for it. Ya, some people don't get it and asked what to prepare about? Single single la, married married la... But it's not that simple ok!!! So many things that we need to know and prepare ourselves.
If it's to be single, God has to prepare us to understand that one day our parents will not be with us anymore, our siblings will be married and have their own family and our friends will be married and have their own family too. We have to be prepared to face the loneliness that we might be in, looking at walls when we are home after a long day of work. Looking at the phone but don't know who to call when we have something that we want to share with others. Are you prepared for this?
If it's to be married, God has to prepared us to be able to live and share everything with another person whom you call life partner. We can't do whatever we want or simply make any decision we like, we have to take into consideration the other person's feeling and the other person's decision. We have to learn to respect the differences and do things TOGETHER. For girls, we have to be prepared to be submissive to the other person. A big lesson to learn. Are you prepared for this?
This session turned out to be a good one, not what I thought, not what she thought too. Joseph John told us we don't have to feel less useful to God when we are single and we are no less than anyone. The first and natural state of human is to be single. Single doesn't mean un-married. You can't tell a 3-year old boy that he's un-married. It's just married people are no longer single. We shouldn't be feeling less blessed if we are single.
Few phrases from the slides:
Our identity is to be based on Christ, not marital status.
Our sense of security is to be found in our relationship to Him.
Our definitions of intimacy must begin with friendship, not with marriage.
Our definitions of achievement, especially for women, must be broader than parenthood.
One thing for sure.... nothing mentioned about match-making!!!!
Followed by Forum Q&A session. Hmm... nothing much. My questions were not answered.
After lunch, I asked Joseph John for a moment. We went outside and had a little chat. There is this secret which I have been keeping for quite a long while. Didn't tell anyone. Just thought he will be the right person for me to consult with. Ya, indeed, he's the perfect person. He has opened my eyes to see things from different angle and try to help me out from that little problem. O well, it's easy to say I understand and I know what to do next. But to really overcome it... need lots of prayers and time.
We had a relay thing in the afternoon. Simple game to occupy some time. At least it bonded the group members as we worked together for the challenges.
Captain ball time! The rule was to have 4 guys and 7 girls, but out of the only 4 guys from our group, 2 were injured. So only 2 guys running around the field, and the worst thing was there were only 9 girls in our group, which means all of us will have to play non-stop for all the games. We played 2 games (against 2 teams) for 12min per half. Altogether 48mins non-stop. It has been quite awhile I didn't play captain ball like this. Great exercise.
After the game, we were VERY tired. I went back to rest and chat with Emily. Most of them jumped into the pool and enjoyed the facility of the nice swimming pool.
At night, we had this talent time session where every group will have to perform a sketch of different bible characters. Our group was to act about David. We chose the story about David and Bethsheba and modernized it into an office scene where the Director is Mr.D and the secretary is Betty. It was really funny. Didn't know Terence and Vivien can act that well. They really impressed us.
I quite like the other group who did the Moses story. It was very creative. They did a musical performance where they change the "Long time ago in Bethlehem" song into a Moses song where they acted out very nicely. They deserved the win.
Last night, most of them were up til very late, chit chatting with their friends. I'm supposed to join them for fellowship and socializing but... but... I was not feeling well, head was very heavy. So I decided to just sleep right after the supper.
Assembly Fellowship Camp - Day 2
Woke up 6.45am for Morning Manna. This is the first time I went for camp where morning devotion is done in a big group.
Mr.Ung Kim Cheng spoke.
Topic : "To Be or Not To Be"
He quoetd 4 examples from the bible:
1. Samson - Failed to live up to what God wanted him to be, and encountered many Failures in his life, he no more wanted to be and chose not to be.
God let him be because he was a Failure in life, though he was Fruitful in death.
2. Elijah - Feared what would befall him in the Future, he forgot what God wanted him to be and chose not to be but God would not allow him to be until he was what he should be. Then God took him home to be with Him.
Fearful to continue to be, but he had not Finished his work, so he had to continue to be.
3. Jonah - He did not want to be what God wanted him to be, but later became what he ought to be.
4. Paul - He was undecided whether to be or not to be. Not to be was better for him; but to be was better for the believers.
Conclusion : To be or not to be - that is not the question! You need to be what He wants you to be.
To think deeply, sometimes we fall into 1 of these 4 categories (or all 4). Knowing what He wants us to be, but yet running away from it or chose not to be.
The exciting part of the day starts.
I was so looking forward to it. I wanted to go to Gua Tempurung for so long already but still haven't got the chance to do so.
At last... I get to go.
Without hesitation, I signed up for the full Level 4 journey.
Too bad, YSan didn't want to go for the full journey and only signed up for Level 2.
The renjers were there when we reached. He introduced himself as Max and his friend Sense. It sounds like "make sense". :-)
We got our helmet and went into the caves after the briefing.
We have to use the opposite way, to start off with the wet part then only the dry area because the sky was dark, they were afraid that if we go the dry area first, then half way through the cave we won't know it's raining and the water might flood too high and it's too risky. So through their experience it's better for us to go the wet area first.
I thought anything goes, I'mexcited about the wet area, but ended up... it makes a big different. You'll know what I mean later.
We walked on the water, it was quite dangerous as we couldn't see where the big stone is and we might hurt our feet. I hurt mine. Ouch... but have to keep going. Adelene is like a big sister to me. Find it quite weird as I never have a big sister, I'm always the big sister to others, protecting others, taking care of others, this time round, my role changed. I didn't have a torchlight so it makes my move even more difficult. I have to really stick with her. We walked holding hand on the water, just to help each other in case we slip or bang onto something.
There were quite a number of places where we have to go down on our knees. The water was quite high, only our head will be above the water surface and above us is the ceiling already. Luckily I wore helmet, I lost count how many times I hit the ceiling. ;-p I was really clumsy, reason being I'm too amazed by the superb view in the cave, I was always looking around the cave and didnt pay attention to what's on my way. That's why Adelene helped a lot by holding my hand, or else... hahaha.... I'll be coming out with lots of bruises and cuts.
Few amazing things that I want to share.
There are quite a number of stones (ok, I don't know what's that call, I know they have some special name but it's not in my vocab) which looks like the alien's hand, something sticking down covered by some white ugly liquid-like looking thing, my curiousity said I have to touch it, thinking whether it'll be sticky, haha... it's not. The funny thing is, it just looked sticky but it's not, it's solid rock.
When we reached a place, the renjer askes us to look up with our mouth close, we looked up and we saw bats, lots of them. Sometimes, or most of the time, the place was so dark that we only torched our way and forgot to look around. We didn't know there was a big empty space on top of us, thought it was just a narrow way in front of us. The bats hung up there. I think this was my first time seeing so many bats.
When we reached another sort of like pit stop place, the renjer asked us to gather around and stand still. Then he asked us to switch off all our torch lights. We switched off and it's really pitch black. It's totall darkness. I mean super darkness kind of super darkness. It's just very very seriously dark. It's like even if I put my fingers right in front, say 3cm, of my eyes, I still couldn't see my fingers. It's just very dark. The renjer told us to look at one of our friends white shirt, we couldn't see it. Then, he sounded very mysterious. He asked whether we know what's the tips or the very important thing when we are in the cave. We were thinking hard, what's the tips? The answer was... it's very important to bring a torchlight! What??? Ok, we were all thinking too hard. It's as simple as that. Haih... we all laughed.
O... there's a part where we need to slide down. It was a very steep stone. The renjers were there to help but we have to have the courage to slide down too. We were told to use our hands to control the speed but too bad, my hands are always weak, so I couldn't control my speed or even hold my body with my hands, so I just slide down with a very high speed, sooooOOOoooooOOooo scary!
Then, there was this place where we have to go down from a little hole. The renjer went down first to catch us from below. When we went down, we have to turn our body because it's a really narrow hole, but before I managed to turn my body around, the renjer pulled me from below and OOOOouuuuuuccccccCCChhhhh... it hurts, I scratched my waist. It hurts but luckily not bleeding.
After the wet area, we started our dry area. Killing!!!! Lots of staircases, not easy when we were all soaked in water with heavy clothes. Arrgghhh.... lifting my foot up every steps. Worst than running the 10km run.
It was really a fun and great experience, to be able to this side of His creation. Not something that we get to see everyday like the sky. Many parts of the caves are like million years of effort. Keep moulding it day by day, bit by bit until it becomes how it is today. Just like how our wonderful Lord works in our life day by day, bit by bit, shaping us to be who He thinks best.
After the great expedition, we went to Kampar, which is just around 20mins away, for the famous "Bread chicken" (direct translation from cantonese). 4 tables of us went into an empty restaurant. It was already almost 3pm. We had our lunch there, watching the magic show and some lame stunt from our joker Daniel Ong. It was fun, we were all tired but we had a great laugh. Esmond-the driver, Heather, Clarine, Adelene and myself were in a car, On our way back, we just continue our lame story, from Flaming Pot to Black magic... Lots of fun. :-)
At night, we had buffet dinner. They served this special fried yam with nangka inside. I doubted, because I don't like nangka and yam, but I have to try. I'll regret if I don't and true enough, I'll regret if I didn't. It tasted so nice, coming from someone who doesn't like both the main ingredients. :-)
2nd session started after the dinner. Speaker Joseph John just roughly guided us through and split us into small groups of 5. We then shared about what we have been actively doing lately and how we see God leading us in that way and what's the concern or weaknesses we had that we need prayers. Dominic, Florence Liew, Diana, Elaine and I were in a group. Just so encouraged by all their sharing. All of them were actively serving in the particular way and listening to their stories of how wonderful God is in leading them into it, it's just amazing. 5 of us were tired in our own ways, to come to this camp is to relax and re-focus. This time of sharing served more than just that, it's like giving all of us a jap of energy and encouragement. It's like recharging our battery for the Lord and re-light the burning desire to serve. It was really a great sharing session to be remembered.
I went to bed with much thoughts today. Just feel that God is really so awesome. he works in ways we cannot see.
From the morning wonderful scenery to remind me He's the great creator of all things and I am one of His great art *wink wink*, to the sharing session at night which reminds me of how He works in my life to bring me to who I am today. He doesn't only create me and let me rod but continuosly working in my life to shape me to who He wants me to be, to be an instrument for Him. I'm not here just for no reason. I'm such a lousy sinner and yet He is willing to spend so much effort in me. So many times, I went away and I hurt Him from doing things that He is not pleased with. So many times, I mean sooooo many times. But yet, He's always there calling and waiting for me to come back to Him. Ahh.... I don't know how to express this. He's just such a wonderful God that I can't thank enough.
Mr.Ung Kim Cheng spoke.
Topic : "To Be or Not To Be"
He quoetd 4 examples from the bible:
1. Samson - Failed to live up to what God wanted him to be, and encountered many Failures in his life, he no more wanted to be and chose not to be.
God let him be because he was a Failure in life, though he was Fruitful in death.
2. Elijah - Feared what would befall him in the Future, he forgot what God wanted him to be and chose not to be but God would not allow him to be until he was what he should be. Then God took him home to be with Him.
Fearful to continue to be, but he had not Finished his work, so he had to continue to be.
3. Jonah - He did not want to be what God wanted him to be, but later became what he ought to be.
4. Paul - He was undecided whether to be or not to be. Not to be was better for him; but to be was better for the believers.
Conclusion : To be or not to be - that is not the question! You need to be what He wants you to be.
To think deeply, sometimes we fall into 1 of these 4 categories (or all 4). Knowing what He wants us to be, but yet running away from it or chose not to be.
The exciting part of the day starts.
I was so looking forward to it. I wanted to go to Gua Tempurung for so long already but still haven't got the chance to do so.
At last... I get to go.
Without hesitation, I signed up for the full Level 4 journey.
Too bad, YSan didn't want to go for the full journey and only signed up for Level 2.
The renjers were there when we reached. He introduced himself as Max and his friend Sense. It sounds like "make sense". :-)
We got our helmet and went into the caves after the briefing.
We have to use the opposite way, to start off with the wet part then only the dry area because the sky was dark, they were afraid that if we go the dry area first, then half way through the cave we won't know it's raining and the water might flood too high and it's too risky. So through their experience it's better for us to go the wet area first.
I thought anything goes, I'mexcited about the wet area, but ended up... it makes a big different. You'll know what I mean later.
We walked on the water, it was quite dangerous as we couldn't see where the big stone is and we might hurt our feet. I hurt mine. Ouch... but have to keep going. Adelene is like a big sister to me. Find it quite weird as I never have a big sister, I'm always the big sister to others, protecting others, taking care of others, this time round, my role changed. I didn't have a torchlight so it makes my move even more difficult. I have to really stick with her. We walked holding hand on the water, just to help each other in case we slip or bang onto something.
There were quite a number of places where we have to go down on our knees. The water was quite high, only our head will be above the water surface and above us is the ceiling already. Luckily I wore helmet, I lost count how many times I hit the ceiling. ;-p I was really clumsy, reason being I'm too amazed by the superb view in the cave, I was always looking around the cave and didnt pay attention to what's on my way. That's why Adelene helped a lot by holding my hand, or else... hahaha.... I'll be coming out with lots of bruises and cuts.
Few amazing things that I want to share.
There are quite a number of stones (ok, I don't know what's that call, I know they have some special name but it's not in my vocab) which looks like the alien's hand, something sticking down covered by some white ugly liquid-like looking thing, my curiousity said I have to touch it, thinking whether it'll be sticky, haha... it's not. The funny thing is, it just looked sticky but it's not, it's solid rock.
When we reached a place, the renjer askes us to look up with our mouth close, we looked up and we saw bats, lots of them. Sometimes, or most of the time, the place was so dark that we only torched our way and forgot to look around. We didn't know there was a big empty space on top of us, thought it was just a narrow way in front of us. The bats hung up there. I think this was my first time seeing so many bats.
When we reached another sort of like pit stop place, the renjer asked us to gather around and stand still. Then he asked us to switch off all our torch lights. We switched off and it's really pitch black. It's totall darkness. I mean super darkness kind of super darkness. It's just very very seriously dark. It's like even if I put my fingers right in front, say 3cm, of my eyes, I still couldn't see my fingers. It's just very dark. The renjer told us to look at one of our friends white shirt, we couldn't see it. Then, he sounded very mysterious. He asked whether we know what's the tips or the very important thing when we are in the cave. We were thinking hard, what's the tips? The answer was... it's very important to bring a torchlight! What??? Ok, we were all thinking too hard. It's as simple as that. Haih... we all laughed.
O... there's a part where we need to slide down. It was a very steep stone. The renjers were there to help but we have to have the courage to slide down too. We were told to use our hands to control the speed but too bad, my hands are always weak, so I couldn't control my speed or even hold my body with my hands, so I just slide down with a very high speed, sooooOOOoooooOOooo scary!
Then, there was this place where we have to go down from a little hole. The renjer went down first to catch us from below. When we went down, we have to turn our body because it's a really narrow hole, but before I managed to turn my body around, the renjer pulled me from below and OOOOouuuuuuccccccCCChhhhh... it hurts, I scratched my waist. It hurts but luckily not bleeding.
After the wet area, we started our dry area. Killing!!!! Lots of staircases, not easy when we were all soaked in water with heavy clothes. Arrgghhh.... lifting my foot up every steps. Worst than running the 10km run.
It was really a fun and great experience, to be able to this side of His creation. Not something that we get to see everyday like the sky. Many parts of the caves are like million years of effort. Keep moulding it day by day, bit by bit until it becomes how it is today. Just like how our wonderful Lord works in our life day by day, bit by bit, shaping us to be who He thinks best.
After the great expedition, we went to Kampar, which is just around 20mins away, for the famous "Bread chicken" (direct translation from cantonese). 4 tables of us went into an empty restaurant. It was already almost 3pm. We had our lunch there, watching the magic show and some lame stunt from our joker Daniel Ong. It was fun, we were all tired but we had a great laugh. Esmond-the driver, Heather, Clarine, Adelene and myself were in a car, On our way back, we just continue our lame story, from Flaming Pot to Black magic... Lots of fun. :-)
At night, we had buffet dinner. They served this special fried yam with nangka inside. I doubted, because I don't like nangka and yam, but I have to try. I'll regret if I don't and true enough, I'll regret if I didn't. It tasted so nice, coming from someone who doesn't like both the main ingredients. :-)
2nd session started after the dinner. Speaker Joseph John just roughly guided us through and split us into small groups of 5. We then shared about what we have been actively doing lately and how we see God leading us in that way and what's the concern or weaknesses we had that we need prayers. Dominic, Florence Liew, Diana, Elaine and I were in a group. Just so encouraged by all their sharing. All of them were actively serving in the particular way and listening to their stories of how wonderful God is in leading them into it, it's just amazing. 5 of us were tired in our own ways, to come to this camp is to relax and re-focus. This time of sharing served more than just that, it's like giving all of us a jap of energy and encouragement. It's like recharging our battery for the Lord and re-light the burning desire to serve. It was really a great sharing session to be remembered.
I went to bed with much thoughts today. Just feel that God is really so awesome. he works in ways we cannot see.
From the morning wonderful scenery to remind me He's the great creator of all things and I am one of His great art *wink wink*, to the sharing session at night which reminds me of how He works in my life to bring me to who I am today. He doesn't only create me and let me rod but continuosly working in my life to shape me to who He wants me to be, to be an instrument for Him. I'm not here just for no reason. I'm such a lousy sinner and yet He is willing to spend so much effort in me. So many times, I went away and I hurt Him from doing things that He is not pleased with. So many times, I mean sooooo many times. But yet, He's always there calling and waiting for me to come back to Him. Ahh.... I don't know how to express this. He's just such a wonderful God that I can't thank enough.
Assembly Fellowship Camp - Day 1
I woke up around 9.30am. Still feeling sleepy.
Slept late, was on the phone chatting til almost 2am.
Did my last minute packing.
YSan called and says it might not be safe to left my car in SS2.
So, I called WSoon to find out whether he'll be around this area and whther he could help.
He's very nice and said yes straight away.
Even though there was a small miscommunication. I was supposed to pick YSan up from her house, but when I almost reached her house, WSoon called and says he'll pick her from her house.
So I drove back home. Miscommunication, but I know he meant well. :-)
Very nice of him to pick us up, and turned back again coz YSan left her sport shoes in his car, but minus the first question he asked me when he reached my house. "Did you bring your make-ups?"
We (Ysan and I) met up with Florence, she has a nice Alpha Romeo car.
We stopped in Tapah to meet up with the other Central gang.
Then continued our journey to Gopeng.
Using the map only, we tried to figure our way to the Harvest Haven place.
Along the way, there are Oil Palm Farm on the right and left, lots of cows (but I don't understand why are the cows so thin when all around them are greens) and "bombs".
After a few turning and trying to avoid the "bombs", suddenly right in front of our eyes, a big nice and new bungalow. Seriously, you wouldn't expect such a nice building in the jungle like this.
We reached around 3pm.
We took our name tags and booklets, head up to our dorm to put our things and rest.
We were so amazed by the place and so wanted to have our youth camp there.
We just walked around the place and went "wow" all the way...
Took some pictures to show the rest of the YF committees.
Both of us were so excited about the place and started imagining having our YF camp there.
Haha... crazy right?
We went back to the room to chat with our roommates Emily.
I lied on the bed and fell asleep, camp not yet start I already felt so tired and YSan says I snored.
We went down A BIT late for the orientation.
The commitees explained the rules and briefed us on what's going to happen for the next few days.
Dinner time.
The food was good too. 4 dishes.
It's not any lousy food, it tastes good. How good? I can eat more than 1 plate of rice. Ok. I know that's nothing surprising, but I only eat a lot when the dishes are nice.
Our group was on duty, so we had to clean up, washed the dishes and wiped the table.
The worker there taught us a fast and effective way of cleaning up.
Learnt a new way of washing spoons and folks.
First session starts, Bro.Joseph John spoke on "looking at the big picture".
Basically, telling us to look at the big picture and all the other things will fall in place.
Many times we prayed and asked God to show us His ways, instead of that, we should ask God to TEACH us His ways.
As long as we know His ways and pray unceasingly, it'll be easier for us to make decision and we'll BECOME His ways.
God does not promise us a wonderful plan but a wonderful purpose in all that He plans.
After the session, we have our ice-breaker game.
Paul asked us to think of a nick name. Hmm... Suddenly my mind went blank and didn't know what's my nickname. Couldn't think of any. So I just say "Mami", whatever...
Those who called names more than 3 times were forfeited. They were asked to eat something weird. It's lettuce wrapped with CiliPadi, Wasabi, Honey and ... don't know what, can't remember.
I didn't hang out and chat after supper, just felt so tired and went back to sleep.
Slept late, was on the phone chatting til almost 2am.
Did my last minute packing.
YSan called and says it might not be safe to left my car in SS2.
So, I called WSoon to find out whether he'll be around this area and whther he could help.
He's very nice and said yes straight away.
Even though there was a small miscommunication. I was supposed to pick YSan up from her house, but when I almost reached her house, WSoon called and says he'll pick her from her house.
So I drove back home. Miscommunication, but I know he meant well. :-)
Very nice of him to pick us up, and turned back again coz YSan left her sport shoes in his car, but minus the first question he asked me when he reached my house. "Did you bring your make-ups?"
We (Ysan and I) met up with Florence, she has a nice Alpha Romeo car.
We stopped in Tapah to meet up with the other Central gang.
Then continued our journey to Gopeng.
Using the map only, we tried to figure our way to the Harvest Haven place.
Along the way, there are Oil Palm Farm on the right and left, lots of cows (but I don't understand why are the cows so thin when all around them are greens) and "bombs".
After a few turning and trying to avoid the "bombs", suddenly right in front of our eyes, a big nice and new bungalow. Seriously, you wouldn't expect such a nice building in the jungle like this.
We reached around 3pm.
We took our name tags and booklets, head up to our dorm to put our things and rest.
We were so amazed by the place and so wanted to have our youth camp there.
We just walked around the place and went "wow" all the way...
Took some pictures to show the rest of the YF committees.
Both of us were so excited about the place and started imagining having our YF camp there.
Haha... crazy right?
We went back to the room to chat with our roommates Emily.
I lied on the bed and fell asleep, camp not yet start I already felt so tired and YSan says I snored.
We went down A BIT late for the orientation.
The commitees explained the rules and briefed us on what's going to happen for the next few days.
Dinner time.
The food was good too. 4 dishes.
It's not any lousy food, it tastes good. How good? I can eat more than 1 plate of rice. Ok. I know that's nothing surprising, but I only eat a lot when the dishes are nice.
Our group was on duty, so we had to clean up, washed the dishes and wiped the table.
The worker there taught us a fast and effective way of cleaning up.
Learnt a new way of washing spoons and folks.
First session starts, Bro.Joseph John spoke on "looking at the big picture".
Basically, telling us to look at the big picture and all the other things will fall in place.
Many times we prayed and asked God to show us His ways, instead of that, we should ask God to TEACH us His ways.
As long as we know His ways and pray unceasingly, it'll be easier for us to make decision and we'll BECOME His ways.
God does not promise us a wonderful plan but a wonderful purpose in all that He plans.
After the session, we have our ice-breaker game.
Paul asked us to think of a nick name. Hmm... Suddenly my mind went blank and didn't know what's my nickname. Couldn't think of any. So I just say "Mami", whatever...
Those who called names more than 3 times were forfeited. They were asked to eat something weird. It's lettuce wrapped with CiliPadi, Wasabi, Honey and ... don't know what, can't remember.
I didn't hang out and chat after supper, just felt so tired and went back to sleep.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Birthday sms-es from my family
Mummy
3rd July 9:53pm
Happy Birthday! :-) still not late ya? I know you are busy practising now right? Bare in mind that we are always by your side, supporting what you have decided to do for we trust in you and what you have chosen. Remember you are always in our hearts. Be happy in your life and work in KL. Always keep in touch with us. With best wishes and loves.
3rd July 9:53pm
Happy Birthday! :-) still not late ya? I know you are busy practising now right? Bare in mind that we are always by your side, supporting what you have decided to do for we trust in you and what you have chosen. Remember you are always in our hearts. Be happy in your life and work in KL. Always keep in touch with us. With best wishes and loves.
Tears roll down every time I read this message. I don't know how to express my feeling.
I know they want me to go back badly. But, I have chosen to stay and take up this new job here. Yet, they still support me and say encouraging words.
They always ask me to go back, but I know that they don't mean that they "really" want me to go back. They just want me to know that if anything happen, I can always go back. I'm very touched to know that I can always go back. (Reminds me of the prodigal son story.)
They are the best dad and mum on earth! Always support us on whatever that we are doing and trust that we know what we are doing. It's not easy. I have tried to put myself in their position and find it so hard to just let your love ones go and yet support them and just have faith and trust that they are doing the right thing and they know what they are doing.
I am no where near as a good daughter.
Can't provide them with anything, worst still, they still have to support me even though I'm already working.
Can't be there when they are sick. Heart really pain when my dad hurt his back and can't work for few days, yet I can do nothing!
Can't be there when my mum really want someone to listen to her. I know she has lots to share with me but I just can't spend enough time listening to her.
Last week when I'm back home, mum was telling me about how God has provided them and they don't have to worry because something will just happen and God just has His own way. She even says that we just have to have faith that He will carry us through. To hear these from her, I was really happy. Happy to know that she has really put her faith on Him and is walking closely with the Lord.
Alvin
3rd July 10:50pm
Monkey... Happy Birthday ya :-) Wish you good luck in everything and happy always la :-) Pretty always? No need wish la, impossible d ma... Haha :-) Haha :-) Haha :-)
3rd July 10:50pm
Monkey... Happy Birthday ya :-) Wish you good luck in everything and happy always la :-) Pretty always? No need wish la, impossible d ma... Haha :-) Haha :-) Haha :-)
O well, that's how we call one another. My house has 2 pigs and 2 monkeys. Alvin and Ann are bigger in size so we always tease them as "zhu" (pig in mandarin), while Andrew and I are skinny so they always call us monkey.
Alvin and I are closer in age. We are very close. Jee Leng even said that the way we look at each other are like couple. We can talk for ages... We can share stories, lots of stories together.
But, our way of communicating when we are not in serious conversation is always teasing one another, calling names and fighting! I mean really fighting! He's big and strong and he's always the big bully at home. He'll just walk to you and pull your hair, twist your arm, sit on you and etc for NO reason. He just like to make us scream and fight back and see us lose to him.
I'm so going to miss all these. :-( sob... sob...
He's leaving to work in US for 2 years next Thursday. I thought he'll be leaving beginning of Aug, that's why I purposely stop work and plan to go back for 1 week so that I'll get to spend lots of time with him. But too bad, the boss wants him to go over as soon as possible. He has booked his air ticket next Thursday, waiting for his Visa now. I really feel so so so sad that I can't be there to send her off. I can send so many people, so many friends off, but yet I can't be there to send my own brother off. Feel so uselesss as a sister. I won't be seeing him for another 2 years already. I won't get to spend time with him before he left. I can't do anything. I can't go shopping with him, I can't help him to pack, I can't send him off... I can't send him off... I can't send him off... I can't send him off... Really feel so useless as a sister... He's going away for 2 years and yet I'm not doing anything, I can't do anything... :'-(
Just hope and pray that he'll be able to have a group of Christian friends there, he'll be able to go to church and continue to stay close to Him.
Ann
4th July 8:07pm
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you. Is my voice sweet? :-) Wish you a Blessed Birthday. Although I can't celebrate your '34th' birthday. Hope you celebrate it in KL happily. Actually I want to buy you a present, but I don't know what to buy. And I hope I'm the last one that wish you Happy birthday :-) My wish for you is hope that you'll come back and work here as soon as possible. Hope you'll be healthy and safe always. God will be with you forever. :-)
4th July 8:07pm
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you. Is my voice sweet? :-) Wish you a Blessed Birthday. Although I can't celebrate your '34th' birthday. Hope you celebrate it in KL happily. Actually I want to buy you a present, but I don't know what to buy. And I hope I'm the last one that wish you Happy birthday :-) My wish for you is hope that you'll come back and work here as soon as possible. Hope you'll be healthy and safe always. God will be with you forever. :-)
She typed this sms and wanted to send to my later but ended up she forgot and fell asleep.
I guess she's the one miss me the most. I used to share room with her on a double decker bed. She always scolded me when I talked on the phone with "somebody" at night and she can't sleep. We always write on the wall beside our bed. Just write notes and some nonsense. Haha... I miss that too.
We used to pray together before we sleep. We used to talk and exchange stories about what happened during the day before we sleep. Sometimes, she will just sms me and tell me how much she misses praying together with her. Now, she is sleeping in a room all by herself. No one to talk to her, no one to listen to her, no one to let her manja with, no one to protect her when she's bullied by the 2 brothers.
Feel bad for not being able to be there when she needs me, especially when she called and cried on the phone. Just feel so helpless... I am no where near to be her good sister. Can't do much for her too.
Andrew
4th July 8:32pm
Hey sis! Soli! I've literally forgotten about your birthday d! Anyway... Wish you a belated Birthday! I can see you are having a great birthday there with all your friends. May you prosper in every aspect of your life and have a wonderful career in the future regardless of where you are! Continue your tremendous effort to serve Him and also to shine for Him! I'll always pray for you and support you no matter what you do! Oh... almost forgot something... you are getting older and older d! Aunty! Wakakaka!! Cheer!
4th July 8:32pm
Hey sis! Soli! I've literally forgotten about your birthday d! Anyway... Wish you a belated Birthday! I can see you are having a great birthday there with all your friends. May you prosper in every aspect of your life and have a wonderful career in the future regardless of where you are! Continue your tremendous effort to serve Him and also to shine for Him! I'll always pray for you and support you no matter what you do! Oh... almost forgot something... you are getting older and older d! Aunty! Wakakaka!! Cheer!
What to say about him? My relationship with him... is different. Maybe we are too alike. Anyway, I am less worried about him than the other two because I know he's like me. (hehe... just kidding!)
Glad that he took up the responsibility to lead the youth after I left. I know it's not easy but I know he's fine. To see him and his desire to serve really encourage me a lot.
Now he's the one left at home with the great responsibility after Alvin and I left home. He has to be a good brother to Ann, lead, guide and protect her. He has to be a good son to my parents, help and take care of them. But, I know he'll learn and he'll be fine. :-)
Daddy
No SMS...
Am I disappointed? Not at all. I have expected it.No SMS...
My dad is not someone who remembers date. Every time when he fills up forms and needs our details, he will have to ask us again and again about out birth date and our age.
Even if he remembers or my mum told him, he'll not send sms.
My dad is not an expressive person, he's not that kind of person who will say 'I love you' or 'I am sorry'. He just doesn't know how to express. But I know he 'sayang' me the most and he'll do whatever for me. :-)
I told him I don't want to serve 1 month notice and want to go back home to spend time at home before I start work, but I'll have to compensate my company 1 month salary, he didn't ask much and straight away ask me how much and he'll bank in the money for me the next day. Well, my family is not rich. That amount even though not very big but still it's a big hole for them. I know they are not doing well now too as they have just paid for my brother's surgery, agent fees and air tickets. Yet, he's willing to do so. Of course, me being me, feeling guilty. I'll definitely return and pay him back once I got my "new" salary.
Come back to the topic, I know what's in my dad's mind and I know he cares dearly for me. :-)
Friday, July 04, 2008
"Cengeng"
"Cengeng" -- Erm, what language is this? If not mistaken, it's Jawa.
My colleagues taught me this.
I'm known as "cengeng"
"Cengeng" means someone who can cry easily, which also means Amy Lee.
Not to say I want to cry, or I like to cry, but I just can't control my tears.
It's not a fun thing ok? I got fed up about myself and really don't like myself like this, but......
I just can't control my tears!
Many times, I really don't want to cry, but my tears just roll down.
Many times, I try very hard to control, but my tears just roll down.
Many times, I shouted at myself not to cry, but my tears just roll down.
Really "cengeng"!
The worst thing is most of the time, I don't know why I cry? I don't know why my tears roll down? For NO reasons!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhh..........!!!!!!!
So "cengeng"!
Tears roll down when I'm sad.
Tears roll down when I'm happy.
Tears roll down when I'm too excited.
Tears roll down when I'm scared.
Tears roll down when I'm arguing with people.
Tears roll down when I'm disappointed.
Tears roll down when I'm scolded by people.
Tears roll down when I'm hurt.
Tears roll down when I'm frightened.
Tears roll down when I'm confronting people.
Tears roll down when I'm touched.
Tears roll down when I'm lonely.
Tears roll down when I'm stressed.
Tears roll down when I'm lost.
Tears roll down when I'm talking to my superior.
Tears roll down when I'm feeling guilty.
Tears roll down when I'm frustrated.
Tears roll down when I feel out of place.
Tears roll down when I see my friends cry.
Tears roll down when I hurt others.
Tears roll down when people can't understand what I try to say.
Tears roll down when I hear cruel stories.
Tears roll down when I watch violent movies.
Tears roll down when I see people sad.
Tears roll down when I feel sympathy to others.
Tears roll down.... Tears just roll down.....
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when my boss was talking to me and asking me to stay?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I feel guilty for having to reject people so many times.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when I went for my interview in this new place?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I really want the job so badly and I'm worried that I can't get that job.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down after the interview on my way home?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I thought the interview went quite negative and I'm lost as I don't know what's next to do. Dad keeps asking me to just resign and go back to Butterworth then slowly find job. I'm lost.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when the HR personnel called to inform me that I got the job?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer I can come out with - I was too happy, can't thank God enough, just so thankful, I mean soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful.
Ok, I have to stop here. My "cengeng-ness" won't end, I can keep writing this post forever and ever! Got to stop here, hope that my "cengeng-ness" will stop too. (not too sure it's a good thing or a bad thing to be so cengeng!)
My colleagues taught me this.
I'm known as "cengeng"
"Cengeng" means someone who can cry easily, which also means Amy Lee.
Not to say I want to cry, or I like to cry, but I just can't control my tears.
It's not a fun thing ok? I got fed up about myself and really don't like myself like this, but......
I just can't control my tears!
Many times, I really don't want to cry, but my tears just roll down.
Many times, I try very hard to control, but my tears just roll down.
Many times, I shouted at myself not to cry, but my tears just roll down.
Really "cengeng"!
The worst thing is most of the time, I don't know why I cry? I don't know why my tears roll down? For NO reasons!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhh..........!!!!!!!
So "cengeng"!
Tears roll down when I'm sad.
Tears roll down when I'm happy.
Tears roll down when I'm too excited.
Tears roll down when I'm scared.
Tears roll down when I'm arguing with people.
Tears roll down when I'm disappointed.
Tears roll down when I'm scolded by people.
Tears roll down when I'm hurt.
Tears roll down when I'm frightened.
Tears roll down when I'm confronting people.
Tears roll down when I'm touched.
Tears roll down when I'm lonely.
Tears roll down when I'm stressed.
Tears roll down when I'm lost.
Tears roll down when I'm talking to my superior.
Tears roll down when I'm feeling guilty.
Tears roll down when I'm frustrated.
Tears roll down when I feel out of place.
Tears roll down when I see my friends cry.
Tears roll down when I hurt others.
Tears roll down when people can't understand what I try to say.
Tears roll down when I hear cruel stories.
Tears roll down when I watch violent movies.
Tears roll down when I see people sad.
Tears roll down when I feel sympathy to others.
Tears roll down.... Tears just roll down.....
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when my boss was talking to me and asking me to stay?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I feel guilty for having to reject people so many times.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when I went for my interview in this new place?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I really want the job so badly and I'm worried that I can't get that job.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down after the interview on my way home?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer that I can come out with - I thought the interview went quite negative and I'm lost as I don't know what's next to do. Dad keeps asking me to just resign and go back to Butterworth then slowly find job. I'm lost.
Can you believe that my tears actually roll down when the HR personnel called to inform me that I got the job?
I don't know why I cry. There's no reason for me to cry.
The nearest answer I can come out with - I was too happy, can't thank God enough, just so thankful, I mean soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful.
Ok, I have to stop here. My "cengeng-ness" won't end, I can keep writing this post forever and ever! Got to stop here, hope that my "cengeng-ness" will stop too. (not too sure it's a good thing or a bad thing to be so cengeng!)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Great Weekend!
Great weekend!
I went back to Butterworth!
I always feel like the princess when I'm back at home.
My family members put aside their own schedule and spend time with me.
So loved...
Reached Penang Airport around 7pm.
Dad, Mum and Sis Ann came to pick me.
Went to Tambun for SEAFOOD! Something I'm dying for. I have not eaten real seafood ever since I'm in PJ.
Grandpa, grandma, Uncles and Aunts, with my family, altogether 12 adults and 2 children.
We had crabs, prawns, fish, etc...
They stopped eating very fast, left me alone, wacking all the food, especially the crab!
I have not eaten so much crabs and just so satisfied!!!! hmm....hmmm....
O... now I know why I'm the last one to feel full and the last one remains wacking the food, my biggest competitor bro Alvin can't eat most of the food as he has just recovered from a surgery and still on strict diet. Hahahaha.... (hehe..so evil!)
I gave them a treat and paid the bills (which is very rare, as I'm always very very poor!)
It only costs me RM220 for such a wonderful SEAFOOD dinner.
You can only get this price for fresh seafood in Tambun.
My family 7 of us (plus Alvin's gf) then went to Swenson for ice-cream.
Like I said, I'm like the princess, I get to order my favourite flavours. :-)
Sunday morning, I went to church.
Dr.Khong was the speaker.
He's a very good speaker who can always catch people's attention with his points and humour.
Maybe can try to ask him to be the camp speaker if Peter Tan can't make it.
Thinking of where to go for lunch.
All my siblings suggested else where, but my dad chose my decision to go for the yam rice.
He knows that's my favourite and I always long to eat that.
But too bad, my bro Alvin won this round.
He can't take yam for his health reason. That shop only sell yam rice.
So my next choice, which is also everyone's choice, Japanese food.
We went to Sakae Sushi in Sunway Carnival Mall.
I want to eat Unagi, Unagi I get. :-)
We walked around in the mall.
We had lots of fun. We always joke and fight!
We really fight, fight as in real fight!
My bro Alvin will twist my hand and press my arms.
I only need to shout "Daddy~~~!", and he'll have to stop. My dad will pull his hand away and scold him... neh neh neh neh neh...
I took out 2 RM50 notes. Passed one to Alvin for his birthday, and passed the other one to Andrew.
Alvin holding the money, keep asking me RM50 only ar? RM50 only ar?
So I turned to him and took back the money from him (easily, since he didn't expect me to take back and he's still too weak to grab things from me due to his surgery) and said thank you to him since my birthday also coming. I gave him RM50 and he gave me RM50.
He was jumping like mad! He's not working now, so to him every ringgit counts now.
Of course he can't sit still and he knows it's his fault. I gave but he makes noice.
Too bad... hahaha...
On the way back home, I saw lots of durian stalls.
Kept telling them I didn't eat durian for moons already....
My dad just stopped by the roadside and got 3 durians RM42.
See... Durian I want, Durian I get. :-)
Dad opened up the durian, it's really yummy.
It's my favourite creamy type. Hmm....hmmm..... Satisfaction!
Went to church for the family night meeting. This month's family night meeting is incharged by the Young People (YP).
I tried not to interfere so much and let them run the show, afterall I should respect them.
My heart felt very burdened after looking at everything.
Now, only left Eunice, my Bro Andrew, my Sis Ann, Shin Yi, Celeste and Lamuel. 6 of them running the whole show. (Eunice, Andrew, Shin Yi and Celeste most probably will be leaving next year too)
I have to say they did a great job, but of course there are rooms for improvement.
I think they have missed the point. Lots of work needs to be done.
Again, my heart felt burdened! Still praying, don't know what to do.
Just got a new job, won't be able to go back anytime soon.
Pray that if it's not for me to go back, God will provide someone to lead and guide them.
Pray that if it's for me to go back, God will show me the way.
Got to leave early to catch my flight.
The Penang Bridge was jam due to an accident earlier.
I was so panicked and worried that I'll miss my flight.
Thank God I reached on time.
That ends my great weekend!
Well, like I have mentioned before, going back HOME is like another world from PJ.
Everything is just so different over here.
Back there, I'm a chinese+hainam-speaking, manja, naughty(fight with my siblings), scream when my brother bully me, always laugh from my heart, confident girl.
Back here, I'm an english+malay-speaking, independent, quiet, soft, talk to myself, lots of things in my head, good girl. =p
Two different world, seems to be two different me, but that's not true because I'm still AMY the AMY... (haha, ignore me! I also don't know what am I saying). Guess it's just being with different people, different way of expressing. I'm still who I am. (hope I'm not trying too hard to convince myself this)
I have to be the independent, english-speaking,
I went back to Butterworth!
I always feel like the princess when I'm back at home.
My family members put aside their own schedule and spend time with me.
So loved...
Reached Penang Airport around 7pm.
Dad, Mum and Sis Ann came to pick me.
Went to Tambun for SEAFOOD! Something I'm dying for. I have not eaten real seafood ever since I'm in PJ.
Grandpa, grandma, Uncles and Aunts, with my family, altogether 12 adults and 2 children.
We had crabs, prawns, fish, etc...
They stopped eating very fast, left me alone, wacking all the food, especially the crab!
I have not eaten so much crabs and just so satisfied!!!! hmm....hmmm....
O... now I know why I'm the last one to feel full and the last one remains wacking the food, my biggest competitor bro Alvin can't eat most of the food as he has just recovered from a surgery and still on strict diet. Hahahaha.... (hehe..so evil!)
I gave them a treat and paid the bills (which is very rare, as I'm always very very poor!)
It only costs me RM220 for such a wonderful SEAFOOD dinner.
You can only get this price for fresh seafood in Tambun.
My family 7 of us (plus Alvin's gf) then went to Swenson for ice-cream.
Like I said, I'm like the princess, I get to order my favourite flavours. :-)
Sunday morning, I went to church.
Dr.Khong was the speaker.
He's a very good speaker who can always catch people's attention with his points and humour.
Maybe can try to ask him to be the camp speaker if Peter Tan can't make it.
Thinking of where to go for lunch.
All my siblings suggested else where, but my dad chose my decision to go for the yam rice.
He knows that's my favourite and I always long to eat that.
But too bad, my bro Alvin won this round.
He can't take yam for his health reason. That shop only sell yam rice.
So my next choice, which is also everyone's choice, Japanese food.
We went to Sakae Sushi in Sunway Carnival Mall.
I want to eat Unagi, Unagi I get. :-)
We walked around in the mall.
We had lots of fun. We always joke and fight!
We really fight, fight as in real fight!
My bro Alvin will twist my hand and press my arms.
I only need to shout "Daddy~~~!", and he'll have to stop. My dad will pull his hand away and scold him... neh neh neh neh neh...
I took out 2 RM50 notes. Passed one to Alvin for his birthday, and passed the other one to Andrew.
Alvin holding the money, keep asking me RM50 only ar? RM50 only ar?
So I turned to him and took back the money from him (easily, since he didn't expect me to take back and he's still too weak to grab things from me due to his surgery) and said thank you to him since my birthday also coming. I gave him RM50 and he gave me RM50.
He was jumping like mad! He's not working now, so to him every ringgit counts now.
Of course he can't sit still and he knows it's his fault. I gave but he makes noice.
Too bad... hahaha...
On the way back home, I saw lots of durian stalls.
Kept telling them I didn't eat durian for moons already....
My dad just stopped by the roadside and got 3 durians RM42.
See... Durian I want, Durian I get. :-)
Dad opened up the durian, it's really yummy.
It's my favourite creamy type. Hmm....hmmm..... Satisfaction!
Went to church for the family night meeting. This month's family night meeting is incharged by the Young People (YP).
I tried not to interfere so much and let them run the show, afterall I should respect them.
My heart felt very burdened after looking at everything.
Now, only left Eunice, my Bro Andrew, my Sis Ann, Shin Yi, Celeste and Lamuel. 6 of them running the whole show. (Eunice, Andrew, Shin Yi and Celeste most probably will be leaving next year too)
I have to say they did a great job, but of course there are rooms for improvement.
I think they have missed the point. Lots of work needs to be done.
Again, my heart felt burdened! Still praying, don't know what to do.
Just got a new job, won't be able to go back anytime soon.
Pray that if it's not for me to go back, God will provide someone to lead and guide them.
Pray that if it's for me to go back, God will show me the way.
Got to leave early to catch my flight.
The Penang Bridge was jam due to an accident earlier.
I was so panicked and worried that I'll miss my flight.
Thank God I reached on time.
That ends my great weekend!
Well, like I have mentioned before, going back HOME is like another world from PJ.
Everything is just so different over here.
Back there, I'm a chinese+hainam-speaking, manja, naughty(fight with my siblings), scream when my brother bully me, always laugh from my heart, confident girl.
Back here, I'm an english+malay-speaking, independent, quiet, soft, talk to myself, lots of things in my head, good girl. =p
Two different world, seems to be two different me, but that's not true because I'm still AMY the AMY... (haha, ignore me! I also don't know what am I saying). Guess it's just being with different people, different way of expressing. I'm still who I am. (hope I'm not trying too hard to convince myself this)
I have to be the independent, english-speaking,
Monday, June 23, 2008
Eunice
Eunice came to visit me from last Wednesday til today. It's really nice to have her around.
Wednesday
I took LRT to Puduraya. Lynn also went to Pudu straight after work. We both enjoy taking LRT. :-) I know, I know, to many people, they just couldn't understand what's so nice about taking LRT.
Eunice's bus was late, so we went for a walk in Petaling Street.
She reached around 8pm. She's very scared to be in Pudu, that's why both of us decided to go over and accompany her back to my place.
We took LRT back, had dinner in Murni.
Sat there and chat til almost 12.
Thursday
Joined Su, Su Ming, JeeLeng, Joseph, Zen and Jee Vern for dinner in Uptown.
Too bad, I have choir practise so I can't bring her around. She had to follow me to church and see us practise.
Hope she enjoyed it. At least it's an eye-opener for her. We never have this kind of so called choir or production in Butterworth.
Well, even though we have to perform all year long, songs and dramas... but not so technical one!
Friday
Fetched LynnSay from the LRT Station and we went dinner in Catherine's Kitchen.
They both love that place. It's really good food. We sat there, stuff ourselves with good food and shared lots of stories.
It has been so long we didn't get to spend time like this and just share stories.
I really long for this kind of conversation. Not east to get one in PJ.
We just share about each other's life, updates news, care and encourage for one another.
(It's just so nice to have a peaceful conversation, not having to argue your points or listening to people debating over some issues)
Of course we talked a lot about our Butterworth Youth too. That's our concern always.
O well, I have been thinking of going back to Butterworth ever since that Sunday when Mr.Yap spoke about churches in Malaysia.
I know I'm biting on small points which might not be important at all, but it just hit me and I just feel it. Ok, again it's hard for others to understand.
I just don't like the way he says that Life Chapel is growing and other churches are dying. It's like indirectly I've caused the church to die! I don't know how to word what's in my head, but it just makes me feel maybe it's time to go back. I've come here to expose myself to a bigger church and how people do things in other church and to learn to serve in a more organised way. I have seen and I have learnt (I guess). I don't want to lose focus. I'm not here to enjoy life.
But how ready am I to go back there? Now, my close friends are in PJ. I'll have to start all over again back in Butterworth. Well, it's not up to me to decide. I'll just apply jobs in PJ and also Penang. Just pray hard that God will open doors and reveals His plan for me.
Saturday
Eunice and LynnSay followed me to YF.
As for LynnSay, I really hope and pray that she'll "come back". She used to be very active back in Butterworth, but she just can't find her place in Life Chapel and that makes her stop serving. She's one of the key person in Butterworth and I know she can. I don't know how God works, but I know that she'll "come back".
As for Eunice, it's always good to see how other churches do things. Learn the good points and remind yourselves not to follow the bad ones. Now she's the one anchoring in Butterworth, hope that this experience will serve as an encouragement for her. I hope she can understand what I meant.
After YF, whole gang of us went for the claypot chicken rice besides Lotus.
JeeLeng, Eunice and myself then went to Salvation and chat in Jo's place.
I'm really amazed and thankful that JeeLeng is so so friendly to my friend. So grateful that at least she makes Eunice feel as if she's part of us, not a stranger.
Sunday
After worship, 3 of us went to 1U for Oyster Noodles. Eunice wants to eat something that Butterworth doesn't have. I guess Oyster Noodles will be one of my favourite! (If not because of the strict diet for choir, I'll definitely bring her for Prawn Mee in Setapak)
We took "da tou tie" photos together. It's so nice! Really enjoy snapping these photos. :-)
Went back to my place and sleep zzzzzz
I went to church to prepare for the AD performance. JeeLeng helped me to fetch Eunice later.
LynnSay went back earlier after dinner.
Eunice and I went for Supper in Paramount Maybank (some people just don't like to call it NL)
Had lots of laughters.... Hahaha.... I shall save him from spreading it in my blog as Zen Sern has been doing quite a good job. She's just being her, always blur and you won't know when she'll say something that will make you laugh til rolling on the floor. I really miss those times when all of us were still in YP back in Butterworth. Our gatherings are always fun and full of laughters, there are times when we really laughed so hard that we almost rolled on the floor. Anyway, so poor thing that he has to become the victim. It's so so so rare that you get to see him with that expression... hahahaha.....
Monday
Eunice went to visit her brother and there goes her stay with me. :-(
O ya, forgot to mention one thing, she even boils water and makes Milo for me every morning for my breakfast! So nice!!! :-)
Anyway, I'll be seeing her again this weekend as I'm going back to Butterworth. Just want to be there for their Family Night and help in whatever ways that I can. :-)
Wednesday
I took LRT to Puduraya. Lynn also went to Pudu straight after work. We both enjoy taking LRT. :-) I know, I know, to many people, they just couldn't understand what's so nice about taking LRT.
Eunice's bus was late, so we went for a walk in Petaling Street.
She reached around 8pm. She's very scared to be in Pudu, that's why both of us decided to go over and accompany her back to my place.
We took LRT back, had dinner in Murni.
Sat there and chat til almost 12.
Thursday
Joined Su, Su Ming, JeeLeng, Joseph, Zen and Jee Vern for dinner in Uptown.
Too bad, I have choir practise so I can't bring her around. She had to follow me to church and see us practise.
Hope she enjoyed it. At least it's an eye-opener for her. We never have this kind of so called choir or production in Butterworth.
Well, even though we have to perform all year long, songs and dramas... but not so technical one!
Friday
Fetched LynnSay from the LRT Station and we went dinner in Catherine's Kitchen.
They both love that place. It's really good food. We sat there, stuff ourselves with good food and shared lots of stories.
It has been so long we didn't get to spend time like this and just share stories.
I really long for this kind of conversation. Not east to get one in PJ.
We just share about each other's life, updates news, care and encourage for one another.
(It's just so nice to have a peaceful conversation, not having to argue your points or listening to people debating over some issues)
Of course we talked a lot about our Butterworth Youth too. That's our concern always.
O well, I have been thinking of going back to Butterworth ever since that Sunday when Mr.Yap spoke about churches in Malaysia.
I know I'm biting on small points which might not be important at all, but it just hit me and I just feel it. Ok, again it's hard for others to understand.
I just don't like the way he says that Life Chapel is growing and other churches are dying. It's like indirectly I've caused the church to die! I don't know how to word what's in my head, but it just makes me feel maybe it's time to go back. I've come here to expose myself to a bigger church and how people do things in other church and to learn to serve in a more organised way. I have seen and I have learnt (I guess). I don't want to lose focus. I'm not here to enjoy life.
But how ready am I to go back there? Now, my close friends are in PJ. I'll have to start all over again back in Butterworth. Well, it's not up to me to decide. I'll just apply jobs in PJ and also Penang. Just pray hard that God will open doors and reveals His plan for me.
Saturday
Eunice and LynnSay followed me to YF.
As for LynnSay, I really hope and pray that she'll "come back". She used to be very active back in Butterworth, but she just can't find her place in Life Chapel and that makes her stop serving. She's one of the key person in Butterworth and I know she can. I don't know how God works, but I know that she'll "come back".
As for Eunice, it's always good to see how other churches do things. Learn the good points and remind yourselves not to follow the bad ones. Now she's the one anchoring in Butterworth, hope that this experience will serve as an encouragement for her. I hope she can understand what I meant.
After YF, whole gang of us went for the claypot chicken rice besides Lotus.
JeeLeng, Eunice and myself then went to Salvation and chat in Jo's place.
I'm really amazed and thankful that JeeLeng is so so friendly to my friend. So grateful that at least she makes Eunice feel as if she's part of us, not a stranger.
Sunday
After worship, 3 of us went to 1U for Oyster Noodles. Eunice wants to eat something that Butterworth doesn't have. I guess Oyster Noodles will be one of my favourite! (If not because of the strict diet for choir, I'll definitely bring her for Prawn Mee in Setapak)
We took "da tou tie" photos together. It's so nice! Really enjoy snapping these photos. :-)
Went back to my place and sleep zzzzzz
I went to church to prepare for the AD performance. JeeLeng helped me to fetch Eunice later.
LynnSay went back earlier after dinner.
Eunice and I went for Supper in Paramount Maybank (some people just don't like to call it NL)
Had lots of laughters.... Hahaha.... I shall save him from spreading it in my blog as Zen Sern has been doing quite a good job. She's just being her, always blur and you won't know when she'll say something that will make you laugh til rolling on the floor. I really miss those times when all of us were still in YP back in Butterworth. Our gatherings are always fun and full of laughters, there are times when we really laughed so hard that we almost rolled on the floor. Anyway, so poor thing that he has to become the victim. It's so so so rare that you get to see him with that expression... hahahaha.....
Monday
Eunice went to visit her brother and there goes her stay with me. :-(
O ya, forgot to mention one thing, she even boils water and makes Milo for me every morning for my breakfast! So nice!!! :-)
Anyway, I'll be seeing her again this weekend as I'm going back to Butterworth. Just want to be there for their Family Night and help in whatever ways that I can. :-)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Meow Meow
I have fish in an aquarium before.
I have small little tortoise before.
I have few hamsters before.
What's the common thing for all these 3 pets?
They all don't make noise!
They all stay in their respective "house" and won't walk around in the house.
This is the first time, I'm "dealing" with a pet which can make noise and walk around in the house.
My housemate, Junee has a pet cat, named Elfie. (not too sure about the spelling, but hear her calling him that, ya, it's a him)
Ok, til now... I still dare not touch him. I'm actually quite scared of animals. Just dare not touch them. If you ask me why am I scared? I also can't answer because I also don't know why.
There was one time, middle of the night, I went to the toilet without closing my room door. My eyes were half opened and it's dark. After toilet, I just walked back to my room, closed the door, lied on the bed and sleep. Suddenly I feel like there's something heavy on the end of my bed, where my legs were, like someone on my bed and touched my feet. I was so frightened, immediately sat up and eyes opened wide! I didn't see anything! My heart was pumping so so so fast. I got up from my bed and... I saw Elfie under my table. Ow... he was locked in my room and couldn't go out. He was trying to wake me up to let him out. Frightened me!!!
There was a week where Junee was away for the whole week. I was alone at home most of the time. Poor Elfie was locked outside because normally only Junee will let him into the house and walk around the house as he likes. That poor Elfie must have missed her a lot and keep making super sad and pathaetic noise. Like wanted people to pity him and screaming for attention. He was screaming loudly for the whole night! I couldn't sleep. After screaming for awhile, suddenly just silence... in my heart, I was thinking... will my neighbour kill the cat? Will I wake up in the morning to see a bloody scene? After awhile, the screaming starts again... ahhh... ok, he's still alive!
Recently, he's quite ok with me. Elfie is a shy cat. He always run away as if he's in fear whenever he sees people. But lately, he didn't run when I'm near him. Is it a good sign? Err... as long as he doesn't scream when I really need to sleep. Afterall, he's quite an adorable cat :-)
I have small little tortoise before.
I have few hamsters before.
What's the common thing for all these 3 pets?
They all don't make noise!
They all stay in their respective "house" and won't walk around in the house.
This is the first time, I'm "dealing" with a pet which can make noise and walk around in the house.
My housemate, Junee has a pet cat, named Elfie. (not too sure about the spelling, but hear her calling him that, ya, it's a him)
Ok, til now... I still dare not touch him. I'm actually quite scared of animals. Just dare not touch them. If you ask me why am I scared? I also can't answer because I also don't know why.
There was one time, middle of the night, I went to the toilet without closing my room door. My eyes were half opened and it's dark. After toilet, I just walked back to my room, closed the door, lied on the bed and sleep. Suddenly I feel like there's something heavy on the end of my bed, where my legs were, like someone on my bed and touched my feet. I was so frightened, immediately sat up and eyes opened wide! I didn't see anything! My heart was pumping so so so fast. I got up from my bed and... I saw Elfie under my table. Ow... he was locked in my room and couldn't go out. He was trying to wake me up to let him out. Frightened me!!!
There was a week where Junee was away for the whole week. I was alone at home most of the time. Poor Elfie was locked outside because normally only Junee will let him into the house and walk around the house as he likes. That poor Elfie must have missed her a lot and keep making super sad and pathaetic noise. Like wanted people to pity him and screaming for attention. He was screaming loudly for the whole night! I couldn't sleep. After screaming for awhile, suddenly just silence... in my heart, I was thinking... will my neighbour kill the cat? Will I wake up in the morning to see a bloody scene? After awhile, the screaming starts again... ahhh... ok, he's still alive!
Recently, he's quite ok with me. Elfie is a shy cat. He always run away as if he's in fear whenever he sees people. But lately, he didn't run when I'm near him. Is it a good sign? Err... as long as he doesn't scream when I really need to sleep. Afterall, he's quite an adorable cat :-)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Assembly Fellowship Camp
There is an Assembly Fellowship Camp in end of July.
I am quite excited about it and really want to go.It has been quite awhile since I last attended camp.
Still remember last time, every year I'll attend the Penang Annual Bible Camp.I have been attending it for almost 7-8 years, I even lost count how many years.
Ever since I'm in PJ, no camp to attend, the last one is the Youth Camp in Jeram Besu, where it's for the youth in The Life Chapel and I was there as a staff, not participants.
I'm looking forward to a camp where it's inter-assembly, you get to know more friends, get more contacts and get to know the culture in other churches and how other churches run their youth. It's exposure!!!
I called up Eunice and LynnSay, both of them are very excited about it and want to go with me too. Add one more happy point, it has been a long long while since 3 of us really catch up and chat.
However, most of my friends in PJ, think differently. There's a line in the registration form saying that this camp is for single and above 20 years old.
O Well, now they claim that this is a "match-making camp". I seriously don't know where is this phrase comes from, nowhere stated in the form.
To me, this speaker is a good speaker. People who heard him say that he's a very "logical" speaker as in he puts his point in a logical manner which helps you to understand better.
To me, I will not like to go to a camp to see couples "coupling" there and always stick together.
To me, I will not like to go to a camp where the conversation is always about my bf this and my bf that.
To me, it's fun to be with single people and you can just share freely.
Anyway, if they really want to put it that way that this is a single camp or match-making camp, so what's wrong with that?
If you say their main motive is to match make people, they are using God's word as a cover up, which is wrong...
Then, why do they need to get a good speaker?
They can just simply get someone to be the speaker since the talks or God's word is just secondary or just by-product of the camp.
If you say the main thing in the organizer's head is to match-make people...I called up Eunice and LynnSay, both of them are very excited about it and want to go with me too. Add one more happy point, it has been a long long while since 3 of us really catch up and chat.
However, most of my friends in PJ, think differently. There's a line in the registration form saying that this camp is for single and above 20 years old.
O Well, now they claim that this is a "match-making camp". I seriously don't know where is this phrase comes from, nowhere stated in the form.
To me, this speaker is a good speaker. People who heard him say that he's a very "logical" speaker as in he puts his point in a logical manner which helps you to understand better.
To me, I will not like to go to a camp to see couples "coupling" there and always stick together.
To me, I will not like to go to a camp where the conversation is always about my bf this and my bf that.
To me, it's fun to be with single people and you can just share freely.
Anyway, if they really want to put it that way that this is a single camp or match-making camp, so what's wrong with that?
If you say their main motive is to match make people, they are using God's word as a cover up, which is wrong...
Then, why do they need to get a good speaker?
They can just simply get someone to be the speaker since the talks or God's word is just secondary or just by-product of the camp.
Then, why you do you think the organizer wants to waste their time like this?
Do you think they have nothing else better to do? Do you think it's easy to organize a camp like this?
I'm sure they have this burden and calling in them and in some special way, God has put them together in a team (from Northern to Southern) to work together for this camp.
If you say it sounds so desperate to go for this kind of camp...
Then, what's the definition of desperate?
Desperate=To long for someone? To be in a relationship? To have your own family?
Come on... who on earth doesn't like to be loved or doesn't want to have your own family? That's why God created Eve, right?
So, what's desperate?
Desperate=To actively looking for someone?
Nobody force you to go to the camp to look for someone as your husband or get married the next day. The organizer can't force you to do that!
You are just going there to meet more new friends, for the purpose of fellowshipping, to know more about other churches' culture and etc...
If you say you don't like the idea of match-making...
Then, God Himself is a match-maker.
God match-make us in different manner and through different means.
Maybe, and maybe...God has put in so much effort in planning for all these organizers to meet up and have the common calling, just to let you meet your special someone there, and yet you say NO.
Why you can accept God match-make you through school, colleges, workplace, youth camp, family camp, so on and so forth, but not this camp?
In conclusion, my point is stop judging this camp without even knowing what this camp is all about. Don't fall into that false impression just because of one word "single", look at the whole big picture! Even if you are to shy to attend this kind of camp or don't feel comfortable attending this kind of camp, stop "gossiping" about this camp and make others have the wrong impression about it.
I'll share more about this camp after I attend it on 24-27th July.
Monday, May 05, 2008
God is in the business of making ways of escape
Just want to share what I have read on Friday.
2 Peter 2:5-9
5 If God did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a herald of righteousness, ... when he brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly; 6 if by turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to ashes he condemned them to extinction, making them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; 7 and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked... 9 then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of the judgment.
"David knew that he was next in line to be the king of Israel. Rather than stagin a dramaticc take-over, he faitfully served in the army and played his harp in the palace to soothe King Saul's stress. Things were going great until Saul developed an insane jealousy that drove him to kill David. When David was being hunted by Saul, he found himself in a cold cave crying out to God, "How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long... ? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?" (Psalm 13:1-2)
Like David, when we feel that God has forgotten us, we are prone to plan our own escape. We say, "I know what I'll do. I'll-no, that won't work. Here's what I'll do-no, I don't think that will work either." It's the total despair of seeming to be locked in with no apparent way out.
Take courage! God already knows how He will deliver you. He is in the business of making ways of escape. Peter assures us, "the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials" (2Peter2:9). So you can count on it:When you are faithful and patient through trouble, God will, in His time, exercise options of deliverance that are far beyond what you ever dreamed!"
By Joe Stowell
2 Peter 2:5-9
5 If God did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a herald of righteousness, ... when he brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly; 6 if by turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to ashes he condemned them to extinction, making them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; 7 and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked... 9 then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of the judgment.
"David knew that he was next in line to be the king of Israel. Rather than stagin a dramaticc take-over, he faitfully served in the army and played his harp in the palace to soothe King Saul's stress. Things were going great until Saul developed an insane jealousy that drove him to kill David. When David was being hunted by Saul, he found himself in a cold cave crying out to God, "How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long... ? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?" (Psalm 13:1-2)
Like David, when we feel that God has forgotten us, we are prone to plan our own escape. We say, "I know what I'll do. I'll-no, that won't work. Here's what I'll do-no, I don't think that will work either." It's the total despair of seeming to be locked in with no apparent way out.
Take courage! God already knows how He will deliver you. He is in the business of making ways of escape. Peter assures us, "the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials" (2Peter2:9). So you can count on it:When you are faithful and patient through trouble, God will, in His time, exercise options of deliverance that are far beyond what you ever dreamed!"
By Joe Stowell
NEVER!
Many things happened lately.
Last Wednesday night, I really feel like giving up and thought that I couldn't take it any more.
I cried and cried and cried, just couldn't stop myself from crying.
It's just so tough.
The worst thing was it's already tough, but yet people just can't stop saying harsh things to me.
I know I shouldn't be affected by what others say as people can say whatever they like.
But... haih...
It's not so much of feeling sad by what others say about me, but feeling sad because I have disappointed them and hurt them.
I know that sounds even more silly... but... it's just me.
At that point of time, I really feel like... feel like... feel like something just pressing my heart so hard, real hard that I can hardly breathe anymore.
All the negative thoughts just rushing into my head and I really couldn't take it anymore.
I fell so deep until I couldn't even feel myself. It's just like everything stops there, including my breathe!
I have never felt that way before. NEVER! And I will never want to feel that way again. NEVER!
Thank God that Joseph came over to my rescue, literally!
He wouldn't know how much it actually meant to me by just coming over, lend a shoulder and pray for me!
I know it's just a small matter and he will never understand why I acted that way too.
Anyway, he doesn't have to understand. Just being there and pulled me out of that pit is all that I needed.
Well, when I'm rational, I know what's right to think or what's right to feel. Just that at that point of time, I just don't think or feel what I'm supposed to think or feel.
Anyway, it's over!!! :-)
Last Wednesday night, I really feel like giving up and thought that I couldn't take it any more.
I cried and cried and cried, just couldn't stop myself from crying.
It's just so tough.
The worst thing was it's already tough, but yet people just can't stop saying harsh things to me.
I know I shouldn't be affected by what others say as people can say whatever they like.
But... haih...
It's not so much of feeling sad by what others say about me, but feeling sad because I have disappointed them and hurt them.
I know that sounds even more silly... but... it's just me.
At that point of time, I really feel like... feel like... feel like something just pressing my heart so hard, real hard that I can hardly breathe anymore.
All the negative thoughts just rushing into my head and I really couldn't take it anymore.
I fell so deep until I couldn't even feel myself. It's just like everything stops there, including my breathe!
I have never felt that way before. NEVER! And I will never want to feel that way again. NEVER!
Thank God that Joseph came over to my rescue, literally!
He wouldn't know how much it actually meant to me by just coming over, lend a shoulder and pray for me!
I know it's just a small matter and he will never understand why I acted that way too.
Anyway, he doesn't have to understand. Just being there and pulled me out of that pit is all that I needed.
Well, when I'm rational, I know what's right to think or what's right to feel. Just that at that point of time, I just don't think or feel what I'm supposed to think or feel.
Anyway, it's over!!! :-)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Weekend in Penang
This weekend was a great one.
I managed to meet up with quite a lot of my friends and had a great time together.
I took Air Asia back to Penang. Dad, Mum and Sis picked me up from the airport.
We went for our favourite Ice Blended Peanut Butter in Seberang Jaya.
My mum, my sis and I went for a hair cut in AX.
It only cost me RM10 to cut my hair. I can never get this price in PJ, even if I can, I will not look nice. I paid for all 3 of us and it's only RM38 (I washed my hair too). If I were to cut my hair in PJ, it'll cost me RM38 for 1 head. Now RM38 for 3 heads. :-)
My whole family except my bro Alvin went for Clement's wedding.
Clement has been a very close friend to me.
We worked very hard together when we were to form Bagan Ajam Toastmasters Club. He has really mentored me a lot and gave me lots of learning opportunities. I'm really grateful that I'm part of his Super 18 team.
Now he's married, happy for him as I know this is what he wanted for very loooooong already.
I didn't sit with my family but sat with my ClaPEJ gang members.
There were a lot of Toastmasters who attended this wedding. Many of them has not seen me for more than a year. The first comment they gave was... I gain weight!!! sob...sob... :-(
After the wedding, the usual gang went out for a gathering. It has been a long while since we all met up. This time, almost everyone was there, except for Johnson and Clement. Lilian, Peng Yew, Ee Liang, Christopher, Siti, Nazir, Jessica, Pala and myself. We went to E-gate Starbucks. We chat, exchange news and laughed a lot. It's really nice to hang out with them.
We don't talk about football, we don't talk about politics, we don't talk about computer games, we just share with everyone our latest status and what happened in our lives. We care and encourage one another. It's just so nice. :-) I really miss this.
Next day, I went to church and share with the youth some of my thoughts and hope that it'll encourage them as well.
After the formal meeting, few of us just stayed back and sang songs.
Jonathan, Naomi, Eunice, Sherlynn, Shin Yi, Ann, Andrew and myself.
We always like to do so. Just sing our heart out and sing whatever songs that came up to our mind.
After that, we took lots of pictures, funny pictures. That's one of our usual thing when we get to meet up. It's not easy to get pictures together ever since most of us left Butterworth.
We went for lunch together in my favourite yam rice place.
It has been a long while we get to hang out together too. It'll be more perfect if LynnSay and Andrew Low were around.
After that, we went to Swenson. We chat and laughed a lot too. I can just be myself.
I went back home and took a nap.
My family went for dinner in my grandma's house. My grandma asked me what I want to eat and she'll cook for me. I didn't want her to be too tired as I know she's not feeling well, so I just asked her for the "bi koh moi", it tastes so so so nice. It's just different from everywhere else.
My flight was delayed. Only reached PJ around 12.15am.
That's my weekend back in Penang. Even though it's very short, it's just a weekend, but this time round, it seems so long. I managed to do quite a lot and really miss them a lot. :-)
I managed to meet up with quite a lot of my friends and had a great time together.
I took Air Asia back to Penang. Dad, Mum and Sis picked me up from the airport.
We went for our favourite Ice Blended Peanut Butter in Seberang Jaya.
My mum, my sis and I went for a hair cut in AX.
It only cost me RM10 to cut my hair. I can never get this price in PJ, even if I can, I will not look nice. I paid for all 3 of us and it's only RM38 (I washed my hair too). If I were to cut my hair in PJ, it'll cost me RM38 for 1 head. Now RM38 for 3 heads. :-)
My whole family except my bro Alvin went for Clement's wedding.
Clement has been a very close friend to me.
We worked very hard together when we were to form Bagan Ajam Toastmasters Club. He has really mentored me a lot and gave me lots of learning opportunities. I'm really grateful that I'm part of his Super 18 team.
Now he's married, happy for him as I know this is what he wanted for very loooooong already.
I didn't sit with my family but sat with my ClaPEJ gang members.
There were a lot of Toastmasters who attended this wedding. Many of them has not seen me for more than a year. The first comment they gave was... I gain weight!!! sob...sob... :-(
After the wedding, the usual gang went out for a gathering. It has been a long while since we all met up. This time, almost everyone was there, except for Johnson and Clement. Lilian, Peng Yew, Ee Liang, Christopher, Siti, Nazir, Jessica, Pala and myself. We went to E-gate Starbucks. We chat, exchange news and laughed a lot. It's really nice to hang out with them.
We don't talk about football, we don't talk about politics, we don't talk about computer games, we just share with everyone our latest status and what happened in our lives. We care and encourage one another. It's just so nice. :-) I really miss this.
Next day, I went to church and share with the youth some of my thoughts and hope that it'll encourage them as well.
After the formal meeting, few of us just stayed back and sang songs.
Jonathan, Naomi, Eunice, Sherlynn, Shin Yi, Ann, Andrew and myself.
We always like to do so. Just sing our heart out and sing whatever songs that came up to our mind.
After that, we took lots of pictures, funny pictures. That's one of our usual thing when we get to meet up. It's not easy to get pictures together ever since most of us left Butterworth.
We went for lunch together in my favourite yam rice place.
It has been a long while we get to hang out together too. It'll be more perfect if LynnSay and Andrew Low were around.
After that, we went to Swenson. We chat and laughed a lot too. I can just be myself.
I went back home and took a nap.
My family went for dinner in my grandma's house. My grandma asked me what I want to eat and she'll cook for me. I didn't want her to be too tired as I know she's not feeling well, so I just asked her for the "bi koh moi", it tastes so so so nice. It's just different from everywhere else.
My flight was delayed. Only reached PJ around 12.15am.
That's my weekend back in Penang. Even though it's very short, it's just a weekend, but this time round, it seems so long. I managed to do quite a lot and really miss them a lot. :-)
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tired
Wednesday (16th April)
My aunt asked me to goover to her house.
My cousin sister has some questions to ask me.
No one else knows mandarin. My aunt can't help her in her mandarin homework.
I went, taught her how to write her mandarin essay.
Rushed back to Eugene's house around 7pm, packed 3 heavy big bags.
Carried it into my car, phew!!!
Drove to my new place, Kenny's house.
Carried those heavy bags out from my car and into the house, phew again!!!
Su was outside waiting for me, jumped into his car to bible study and prayer meeting.
After meeting, went to Maybank NL for supper.
I'm the only girl there.
I'm not in a good state, very emotional.
They asked me about my new place, I got irritated and sensitive over some small issues.
Signalled Su to fetch me home, I did something rude by just stood up and walked away.
Tired, emotionally.
Thursday (17th April)
After work,I went back to my new place to unpack.
Took out all the things in the bags and arranged it nicely.
Took a bath and drove back to Eugene's place with 3 empty bags.
Start packing again, this time only 2 heavy big bags and a pail full of stuff.
Cleaning up the room.
Carried those bags into the car, phew!!!
Very hungry.Felt like having Swenson for dinner and have some ice-cream.
Su, Liz and Tim were playing computer games.
Joseph was still in college busy.
JeeLeng was having dinner with May and rushing to fetch her brother.
Weng Soon was out with his family in Tesco.
Peng Chui had her dinner already and was busy.
Haih... It's ok. I can have it on my own.
I went in with a book. By the way, my friends couldn't believe that I went there ALONE!
Had smoked salmon pasta... yummy!
Had ice-cream, but the mint flavoured... yucky!
I drove back to my new place, carried those bags out from my car and into the house, phew again!!!
Unpacked all my things, took a bath and slept.
Friday (18th April)
I went to Joseph's house to use his computer and internet access.
Uploaded quite a number of photos in facebook.
Went to fetch Peng Chui and had dinner together.
It has been quite awhile we didn't catch up.
Drove back home, thought not going to AHF as Weng Soon mentioned that it's inconvenient for him to fetch me.
Got stuck at the roundabout while Weng Soon called to fetch me to AHF.
Rushed back home.
Jumped into his car and went to AHF.
After AHF, went home, bathed and slept.
Saturday (19th Sat)
After work, rushed home, Weng Soon was there waiting.
Took my things, jumped into his car.
Went to church to take cups.
Went for lunch with Mun Onn and Edwin in Jalan Ipoh.
Went up to PeaceHaven, Genting.
We reached late, the 1st session started.
Managed to talk to Frederick over a cup of noodle.
It's seriously not easy to get him sit down quietly.
Managed to talk to Denise, only realized that she's the CF President in her school
Managed to talk to Su Ming, but it's just a short one.
Was quite upset over someone, but everything was fine after that.
We talked about it and issue settled.
Sunday (20th April)
Had a chat with Hoonch.
It's an interesting conversation.
As usual, he asked me about relationship.
I was very honest with him.
I told him I do long to have someon, but there's just no one.
He said there are but I just didn't recognize those acts as sign!
He said I have to make a decision and give encouragement to that person after I have made the decision.
I don't have to take the first step but just to give encouragement, a green light for them!
Haha.... funny conversation but yet it makes me start thinking... hmm....
Went back to church. It's just so so funny to see Weng Soon ran so fast and thought Tim will be just right behind, but they actually didn't plan to back to church... hahaha...
Dad fetched me from church. So nice! First timeI can have my daddy to fetch me from church.
Went back to my new place with them. They were quite happy, kept saying that it's so much safer to stay with people.
They went back. I took a bath.
My new housemates whom I just got to know few minutes ago, was moving out that day.
She's lucky to have a boy friend to help her move.
She just need to sit in the room and pack her things into the boxes, while her boyfriend has to carry those big heavy boxes out and load it in the car.
She's so lucky!
I did all those by myself! Suddenly, feel so proud! Haha...
The feeling of not having to depend on others or trouble others is good.
I remember I used to rely on Steven a lot last time. Any small thing also I have to do it with him, and I can't do it by myself.
Now, I know I can do it, even without a boyfriend!!! (Err... not too sure whether this is a good thing or not...)
I drove to my aunt's house to meet my family.
Brought them to 1Utama, BBQ Plaza for dinner.
After that, my brother wants to go to KTZ for the Peanut Butter Soup.
I was so full. I can only sit there and looked at them eat.
He's still not satisfied after KTZ, we went to Paramount for another round of Tai Lok Mee.
He's really scary and crazy!!!
Tired...physically!
My aunt asked me to goover to her house.
My cousin sister has some questions to ask me.
No one else knows mandarin. My aunt can't help her in her mandarin homework.
I went, taught her how to write her mandarin essay.
Rushed back to Eugene's house around 7pm, packed 3 heavy big bags.
Carried it into my car, phew!!!
Drove to my new place, Kenny's house.
Carried those heavy bags out from my car and into the house, phew again!!!
Su was outside waiting for me, jumped into his car to bible study and prayer meeting.
After meeting, went to Maybank NL for supper.
I'm the only girl there.
I'm not in a good state, very emotional.
They asked me about my new place, I got irritated and sensitive over some small issues.
Signalled Su to fetch me home, I did something rude by just stood up and walked away.
Tired, emotionally.
Thursday (17th April)
After work,I went back to my new place to unpack.
Took out all the things in the bags and arranged it nicely.
Took a bath and drove back to Eugene's place with 3 empty bags.
Start packing again, this time only 2 heavy big bags and a pail full of stuff.
Cleaning up the room.
Carried those bags into the car, phew!!!
Very hungry.Felt like having Swenson for dinner and have some ice-cream.
Su, Liz and Tim were playing computer games.
Joseph was still in college busy.
JeeLeng was having dinner with May and rushing to fetch her brother.
Weng Soon was out with his family in Tesco.
Peng Chui had her dinner already and was busy.
Haih... It's ok. I can have it on my own.
I went in with a book. By the way, my friends couldn't believe that I went there ALONE!
Had smoked salmon pasta... yummy!
Had ice-cream, but the mint flavoured... yucky!
I drove back to my new place, carried those bags out from my car and into the house, phew again!!!
Unpacked all my things, took a bath and slept.
Friday (18th April)
I went to Joseph's house to use his computer and internet access.
Uploaded quite a number of photos in facebook.
Went to fetch Peng Chui and had dinner together.
It has been quite awhile we didn't catch up.
Drove back home, thought not going to AHF as Weng Soon mentioned that it's inconvenient for him to fetch me.
Got stuck at the roundabout while Weng Soon called to fetch me to AHF.
Rushed back home.
Jumped into his car and went to AHF.
After AHF, went home, bathed and slept.
Saturday (19th Sat)
After work, rushed home, Weng Soon was there waiting.
Took my things, jumped into his car.
Went to church to take cups.
Went for lunch with Mun Onn and Edwin in Jalan Ipoh.
Went up to PeaceHaven, Genting.
We reached late, the 1st session started.
Managed to talk to Frederick over a cup of noodle.
It's seriously not easy to get him sit down quietly.
Managed to talk to Denise, only realized that she's the CF President in her school
Managed to talk to Su Ming, but it's just a short one.
Was quite upset over someone, but everything was fine after that.
We talked about it and issue settled.
Sunday (20th April)
Had a chat with Hoonch.
It's an interesting conversation.
As usual, he asked me about relationship.
I was very honest with him.
I told him I do long to have someon, but there's just no one.
He said there are but I just didn't recognize those acts as sign!
He said I have to make a decision and give encouragement to that person after I have made the decision.
I don't have to take the first step but just to give encouragement, a green light for them!
Haha.... funny conversation but yet it makes me start thinking... hmm....
Went back to church. It's just so so funny to see Weng Soon ran so fast and thought Tim will be just right behind, but they actually didn't plan to back to church... hahaha...
Dad fetched me from church. So nice! First timeI can have my daddy to fetch me from church.
Went back to my new place with them. They were quite happy, kept saying that it's so much safer to stay with people.
They went back. I took a bath.
My new housemates whom I just got to know few minutes ago, was moving out that day.
She's lucky to have a boy friend to help her move.
She just need to sit in the room and pack her things into the boxes, while her boyfriend has to carry those big heavy boxes out and load it in the car.
She's so lucky!
I did all those by myself! Suddenly, feel so proud! Haha...
The feeling of not having to depend on others or trouble others is good.
I remember I used to rely on Steven a lot last time. Any small thing also I have to do it with him, and I can't do it by myself.
Now, I know I can do it, even without a boyfriend!!! (Err... not too sure whether this is a good thing or not...)
I drove to my aunt's house to meet my family.
Brought them to 1Utama, BBQ Plaza for dinner.
After that, my brother wants to go to KTZ for the Peanut Butter Soup.
I was so full. I can only sit there and looked at them eat.
He's still not satisfied after KTZ, we went to Paramount for another round of Tai Lok Mee.
He's really scary and crazy!!!
Tired...physically!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I'm just amazed!
I’m just amazed how God speaks to me.
Ever since the burglary incident, I have not really face my own emotion. I just choose to run away and not to think about it.
I keep telling myself I'm fine.
But yesterday, everything just burst out! All my mixed emotion!
I just put a sad face in my facebook status and 2 people sms and 1 wrote in my wall and ask whether I’m ok.
Jo spent his precious time to talk to me.
He’s really an angel from God.
And…this morning I read of this passage. (it’s so much related from what Jo said to me last night)
I’m just so amazed!
How can I not think that He’s a God who cares.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
"I’m learning that our ability to help others depends largely on what we’ve learned in the tough times of our lives. People are more likely to see God’s power working in our weakness than in our strength. The apostle Paul discovered this amidst his own struggle. He pleaded with God to remove some unidentified problem from his life, but he learned in the process that experiencing God’s strength in his weakness is what he really needed. This inner experience strengthened Paul at a level that he had not expected. But even though it worked for him, he wasn’t merely relying on his experience. His deeper confidence was in the historic resurrection of Christ from the dead. Paul was so convinced that our experience must rest in the truth that he wrote, “If Christ has not been raised, then our preachign is in vain and your faith is in vain… If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied” (1 Corinthians 15:14,19). When it comes to having hope and confidence amidst our disappointment, what really help is to know the truth of who Christ is and what He has done for us." ~ quoted from Our Journey
Besides this, there are a few songs which I saved in my office pc 2 days before I lost my pen drive. I have been listening to it everyday repeat, repeat and repeat. But I have not noticed or paid attention on this particular song.
Yet, this morning when I played it, this song “God will Deliver” by Lee Williams Brothers, just strucked me.
I suddenly realized how wonderful the lyrics is, so I just on it louder and really listen to this songs.
~lyrics~
When you're burdened down and it seems like the weight of the world's on your shoulder,
don't despair, God really cares
When you've done your best and it seems like you've done nothing at all,
don't give up, God won't let you fall
When it seems like all hope is gone
Remember God is still on the throne
And He will deliver
On Time
On Time
When your bills are due and your money is gone, and it seems like you can't make it alone,
don't despair, cause God really cares
When you've done all that you can do and all your plans fail to go through,
don't give up, God is watching over you
When it seems like all hope is gone,
just remember, remember, remember,
God is still on the throne and he will deliver
On time
God will deliver
On time
Oh Oh Oh
God will deliver
Yes He will oh oh
God will deliver
Sure enough deliver
On time
God will deliver
God will deliver
He'll do it everytime
I just like to say to all the non-believers today.
If you have doubt in your mind that God will deliver,
go pick up a bible and read Daniel the 3rd chapter, 25th verse.
When he delivered Shadrach, Meshack and Abendego from the fiery furnace,
don't tell me God won't deliver.
If you don't believe, read John the 11th chapter, 43-44th verse
when he spoke to Lazarus and he stopped out from his grave.
Don't tell me God won't deliver.
You can read on a little further, Mark the 6th chapter, 38-44th verse.
When he took 2 little fish and 5 loaves of bread and fed 5,000
I know He will
I know He will
Yes He will
Yes He will
And those of you out there that's been down on your sick bed
and you know, you know, you know
God healed your body
You ought to be a witness right now that He will heal you,
He will heal you,
He will heal you
Oh oh God will deliver on time,
aint' no doubt in my mind
Yes He will
Yes He will
Yes He will
I've tried Him.
I know what I'm talking about.
Oh yeah, the Lord will deliver on time.
I’m amazed!
I’m just amazed!
Ever since the burglary incident, I have not really face my own emotion. I just choose to run away and not to think about it.
I keep telling myself I'm fine.
But yesterday, everything just burst out! All my mixed emotion!
I just put a sad face in my facebook status and 2 people sms and 1 wrote in my wall and ask whether I’m ok.
Jo spent his precious time to talk to me.
He’s really an angel from God.
And…this morning I read of this passage. (it’s so much related from what Jo said to me last night)
I’m just so amazed!
How can I not think that He’s a God who cares.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
"I’m learning that our ability to help others depends largely on what we’ve learned in the tough times of our lives. People are more likely to see God’s power working in our weakness than in our strength. The apostle Paul discovered this amidst his own struggle. He pleaded with God to remove some unidentified problem from his life, but he learned in the process that experiencing God’s strength in his weakness is what he really needed. This inner experience strengthened Paul at a level that he had not expected. But even though it worked for him, he wasn’t merely relying on his experience. His deeper confidence was in the historic resurrection of Christ from the dead. Paul was so convinced that our experience must rest in the truth that he wrote, “If Christ has not been raised, then our preachign is in vain and your faith is in vain… If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied” (1 Corinthians 15:14,19). When it comes to having hope and confidence amidst our disappointment, what really help is to know the truth of who Christ is and what He has done for us." ~ quoted from Our Journey
Besides this, there are a few songs which I saved in my office pc 2 days before I lost my pen drive. I have been listening to it everyday repeat, repeat and repeat. But I have not noticed or paid attention on this particular song.
Yet, this morning when I played it, this song “God will Deliver” by Lee Williams Brothers, just strucked me.
I suddenly realized how wonderful the lyrics is, so I just on it louder and really listen to this songs.
~lyrics~
When you're burdened down and it seems like the weight of the world's on your shoulder,
don't despair, God really cares
When you've done your best and it seems like you've done nothing at all,
don't give up, God won't let you fall
When it seems like all hope is gone
Remember God is still on the throne
And He will deliver
On Time
On Time
When your bills are due and your money is gone, and it seems like you can't make it alone,
don't despair, cause God really cares
When you've done all that you can do and all your plans fail to go through,
don't give up, God is watching over you
When it seems like all hope is gone,
just remember, remember, remember,
God is still on the throne and he will deliver
On time
God will deliver
On time
Oh Oh Oh
God will deliver
Yes He will oh oh
God will deliver
Sure enough deliver
On time
God will deliver
God will deliver
He'll do it everytime
I just like to say to all the non-believers today.
If you have doubt in your mind that God will deliver,
go pick up a bible and read Daniel the 3rd chapter, 25th verse.
When he delivered Shadrach, Meshack and Abendego from the fiery furnace,
don't tell me God won't deliver.
If you don't believe, read John the 11th chapter, 43-44th verse
when he spoke to Lazarus and he stopped out from his grave.
Don't tell me God won't deliver.
You can read on a little further, Mark the 6th chapter, 38-44th verse.
When he took 2 little fish and 5 loaves of bread and fed 5,000
I know He will
I know He will
Yes He will
Yes He will
And those of you out there that's been down on your sick bed
and you know, you know, you know
God healed your body
You ought to be a witness right now that He will heal you,
He will heal you,
He will heal you
Oh oh God will deliver on time,
aint' no doubt in my mind
Yes He will
Yes He will
Yes He will
I've tried Him.
I know what I'm talking about.
Oh yeah, the Lord will deliver on time.
I’m amazed!
I’m just amazed!
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